Thank You - This Forum Saved Me
I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU, to all the ladies in this forum for assuring me that i'm not an evil stepmother. Thank you for assuring me that i'm not alone in my feelings of resentment, jealousy and dread whenever the skids are around. I understand that my husband enabled a lot of these feelings with his behaviour/neglect, but again, I realised that I need to be with someone who will love me the way I want to be loved. Not love me when it's convenient for his kids.
Through discussions and reading other comments here, I realised that I don't want these dreadful feelings to be a part of my normal day-to-day life - my skids lived with us 24/7. It's crippling. I genuinely forgot what it was like to feel happy, confident, content and loved - and so I left. And you know what...I've never been happier and more self-aware. I've learned so much about myself and I feel so optimistic about my future - something i NEVER felt living in that dynamic.
And I'm actually looking forward to Christmas again - yay!
But I don't think I would have reached this level of understanding or realised the depth of my unhappiness at my situation if it wasn't for the support of this forum. You ladies really helped me realise that misery and anxiety were becoming my normality, which isn't normal! And also how it's unlikely that life will get much better, even after the skids move out.
I want to be happy. Thank you for helping to be strong enough to do something about it.
That is really sweet - hugs
That is really sweet - hugs back and a big thank you! I've ressurrected my PR business, which I gave up while being married, because I struggled to manage the kids, my misery, a neglectful husband, loss of confidence, etc., and I'm travelling again, spending time with friends and i'm currently saving up to buy a place of my own - I had to move back in with family!
Basically, I have my life back and I am going to try never to take it for granted again!
So excited for you...wish it
So excited for you...wish it was me!! I'm dreading Christmas and all the holidays still...
Glad to hear that there are
Glad to hear that there are good times ahead for you! You must feel like the weight of the world is off of your shoulders!
I have 2 SDs FT and I am counting the years.
Best of luck to you!
~Moon
You have no idea! Leaving my
You have no idea! Leaving my husband was a HUGE release for me! I no longer feel the anxiety or stress of daily life. I'm so content.
Good luck with your SDs. I had mine full time too and it drove me crazy - literally. I really feel for you xx
This is the first time in a
This is the first time in a few years that I am excited about Christmas too! Isn't it a great feeling to reclaim??? And you don't have to witness all the ungrateful, entitledness by skids.
Sometimes there is a little piece of heaven on earth!
Did you leave your marriage
Did you leave your marriage too?? I am SO excited to actually be excited about Christmas and the holidays again!! I got sick of dreading the holidays because of the skids!!
I love how you've put it - Yes, I have reclaimed my life and i'm determined to make every minute count! I am definitely going to try and create a little heaven on earth for myself...I hope you do the same!
Actually my ex left me
Actually my ex left me because, as he put it, I had such "disdain" for his kids. Oh you mean I expect to have some say about what goes on in my home. You mean I'm supposed to let your daughter can treat me like I'm invisible and then accept all the blame that she treats me that way. And a host of other things that I did wrong, said wrong, etc.
After he left and immediately after we signed the final papers he put the icing on the cake. He said "if you had moved out into an apartment we could have worked on our marriage".............we lived in MY paid-for house so he thought I was supposed to move out of MY house and he and his kids live there while I rented an apartment. WOW! I still can't believe he said something like that. No wonder his kids were so entitled.
LOL - mine actually stood in
LOL - mine actually stood in front of the judge last Thursday and said "But I am living out of my car at the moment, so I NEED her to vacate the house and the car she drives is mine too (btw) so that *I* have somewhere to live and to bring my kids when I have them!"
Now bear in mind, we jointly own the house AND the car.... and my kids and I live here full time.... but we should hand it all over to him because he's living in his car.... and we should live where exactly?
And hey buddy, guess that's what happens when you try and throw someone down the stairs!
Wow! Sounds like you're
Wow! Sounds like you're TOTALLY better off!! I wish all the very best in your new life!!!
That's so sweet! The first
That's so sweet! The first step for me is to love myself again and then hopefully love from a real man will come to me! One thing's for sure...if he has kids, i'm gonna run a mile!!
You have no idea how much I
You have no idea how much I appreciated that. I actually welled up! It was a massive struggle for me to finally leave once and for all, and it took some time, but i'm so happy that I finally did.
Thank you for your amazing words and advice! I'm really trying to take the positive from all the negativity that I went through and I have to admit, this whole experience has made me stronger, more self-aware and grateful for my independence and my loved ones. I've definitely learned a lot and will not be repeating the same mistakes again.
And you're so right - i'm never going to hand power and control of my life to a man ever again!
I really wish you all the very best for you!
Your post has inspired me!! I
Your post has inspired me!! I had a massive fight with my SO over the weekend when I asked him if we could go watch "interstellar", the movie. He yelled at me that he couldn't afford it due to his huge child support payment - then in the next breath, tells me he wants to go with his Son. When I told him that BM would probably take SS (which she always does), I got told that I was wrong and didn't know what the hell I was talking about. (BTW, found out later that BM DID take SS).
So. We got into it. Then he screamed "I SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR YOU!!" "I GAVE UP MY DAUGHTER FOR YOU!!". That was the straw that broke the camels back for me.
Point 1. He NEVER gave up his daughter. She came for visits for the first 3 months that we moved into our new home. Then she got angry because we wouldn't allow BM to dictate what we did on the weekends we had the kids. Was very disrespectful to her Dad and absolutely REFUSED to visit any more. BM has taken her side (naturally) and refuses to discuss it with SO. BM also believes she has the right to dictate our weekends.
Point 2. When SO lived on his own, he had a 3 bedroom place, paying $450 a week rent. When we moved in together, the home we moved into was HUGE, with 4 bedrooms and a pool and his weekly rent was $350.00 a week. He saves $100 a week. He didn't have much of a life, spent most of it on his own and with his Mom.
So. No "sacrifice" that I could see. What DID become clear to me, was that his Mom has been in his ear about making amends with his daughter to get his "family" back together again. So I'm to blame for all this. It's my fault his daughter refuses to speak to him and it's my fault that all this is happening to him.
He hasn't got the balls to stand up to his Mom and defend our relationship. He hasn't got the balls to confront BM and tell her that they will both have a talk with SD about her attitude, and seeing what they could do to improve the relationship.
He.just.doesnt.have.the.balls. Well. Now I know. and I'm out.
I will still check in on here because I love the support and the witty comments.
May you all be blessed with happiness and successful blended lives.
Well honey, the way I figure
Well honey, the way I figure it, if I'm sticking around for a while you sure as hell had better too!!!!
Be are battle worn and have the scars - but also hopefully we can get past the bitterness and still be of HELP to ladies (and gents) here experiencing the same crap we have been though.
And I promise you - if I can do this anyone can!
Thank you Luchay! I'm
Thank you Luchay! I'm terrified..angry and sad all at the same time.. I'm using work to get through it.
We have to sit down and have a discussion this week about the lease and our furniture..I didn't think it'd come to this..but I'm not surprised.
I'm so happy for StepTalk!! It's great knowing we're not alone!
Well, as you know - I know
Well, as you know - I know EXACTLY what you are going through. And it hurts like hell.
Allow yourself to grieve, miss him, cry, scream if you need to (I sure as heck do - scares the neighbours a bit but oh well you get that!)
But stay strong, now I am more determined than ever that we WILL have that get-together - I think we should call it "the Aussie Escaped Step-hell Retreat!"
IslandGal - It sounds like
IslandGal - It sounds like your SO and his family are terrible and treated you with little or no respect! My MIL used to interfere about how to bring up the skids and my responsibility level - she was so toxic and had such a detrimental effect on my marriage!
But I have to say - congratulations!! You don't need the pressure of living in that stressful environment, especially with a man who doesn't prioritise you or your needs!
When will these men realise that we CHOSE to be with them and they chose to be with us?! There was a time when we loved these men so much, that we accepted their kids and thought they were worth taking the plunge to blend our families?! Why do they abuse our trust and love?!
Their loss!!!
I'm definitely going to be checking on here as well. The support i've receiving - and still am receiving - has been so overwhelming! It's brilliant.
Smith75, your story is almost
Smith75, your story is almost the same as my story (we didn't have the skids full time) but he was charming, Mr wonderful, everything I ever dreamed a man could be and more.... until.
I was trapped here, thousands of miles away from my family and friends. My EX-OH (as of 8 days now and proudly counting) was all about his kids from two days after I moved in with him. Literally everything was for and about them, they could do no wrong in his eyes (though they often DID) and when anyone dated complain if was all OUR FAULT, my dd's and I. We were lying, making it up, mistaken, HIS daughter would never do that, say that etc.
It came to a head last weekend, and he is now gone, we have a big battle ahead - court, intervention orders, property settlement.
But you know what? As much as I STILL love and miss him incredibly, I am so much happier, more at peace, looking forward to the future.
Christmas - HELL YES - I can't wait. The last few have been horrible. And it's usually my favourite time of the year, this year it WILL be again.
So. Both of you ladies, please stay.
Smith - I am inspired by you as well, those long nights when it's the hardest, I can think of the women who have "escaped" this hell and know that I will make it through this too.
luchaya - congratulations on
luchaya - congratulations on your EX!!
You're right - our situations were near identical! And I feel the exact same way - as miserable as I was, I still miss and love my ex - but that's ok! We're not robots, we can't just switch off our love and affection - but like you, i'm so much more at peace and optimistic!
I'm so glad that you're staying on the site as well. I can't imagine not checking up here every so often to see how everyone is doing and to offer my two cents worth once in a while.
You will most definitely make it through this! I've been separated for 7 months now, but have had my ex completely out of my life for about a month, and it's not easy, but everything in my soul is telling me i'm on the right path and things with my career, my friends and my family have drastically improved!
I'm actually going to spend New Year's with friends as well! No longer do I have to stay cooped up at the house because my ex doesn't want to leave the skids with his parents!
I have my life back - and so do you!
Inspiring. Thank you!
Inspiring. Thank you!