Sharing the kids at Christmas
Hello,
I am new here and I am sorry if this has already been posted before..... I have a problem and I need to know if I am blowing everything out of proportion... I am in a relationship with a wonderful man he has 3 children( 12 years old ) I do have children from a previous marriage one grown son and a 12 year old daughter that lives with us, one of his children lives with us and the other two ( daughter and son) live with thier mother. We had it set up as we get the children every other Christmas, this is our years for the kids and she called and told us that she was going to have the kids christmas eve and christmas morning this year... (I was not ammused )... I think that we should have the kids... she had no problem keeping the kids from their father and his family last year, I had a melt dowm last night with their father telling him that we missed out last year why should we do that again this year... Yes I will have my Daughter christmas morning but not the other three............ I don't want to cause a rift between me and my man but I think he should stand up to his ex wife and tell her how it is that this is our year..... PLEASE help me am I over reacting and let her get her way again?????????
Confused at Christmas
How does dad feel? If he's
How does dad feel? If he's ok with this, let it be. Enjoy the morning with your SO and BD.
I understand completely how
I understand completely how you feel. I have no children but am expecting my first baby. Before when it was just DH and I, I didn't really care when we had the kids, but now that we are going to be a family I want Christmas to be more traditional, not only for our sake but for the kids. I can't imagine not having had a Christmas tradition when I was a child. I think this only makes the rift of being a child of divorce more prominent. BM also had the kids last year during Christmas since her parents celebrate Christmas day. I feel like DH and I just always get the scraps and end up having to celebrate Christmas with them really early or really late. Why is it that only she is able to have Christmas traditions? Oh that's right. Because heaven forbid we cross BM.
Because heaven forbid we
Because heaven forbid we cross BM.
That is soo true...
DH says he will call BM and tell her we want the kids but I am worried about what kind of war that would start in the past she has manipulative with the kids and they are the ones that get hurt... I don't want that I only have the well being of the kids in mind .. but why does she always get her way... man I sound like a child myself.....
in an earlier post I was told to LET IT BE... maybe this is the way to go
UUGGHHH
Screw BM, they are his kids
Screw BM, they are his kids too!
This amazes me, really it is better that they spend christmas with their mom and not their dad.
Crazo did this last year to us, she actually marched into church and took the kids. It was horrible fss13 and fsd10 at the time were horrified.
FSS13 emarrased fsd10 very angry.
My So took her to court and the judge told Crazo, you are not to change the schedule. They are to follow it to the T.
So much better now. We know when we will have them and when we won't. We can plan...
The kids need to be with both parents. This whole don't make BM mad is wrong. These women are usually mad and out of control anyway.
I say push and push hard. If you start caving and being in the shadows, you will end up resentful, angry and invisible.
Talk to him, if he wants the kids at Christmas tell him it is time to tell her no! You are not acting like a child you are thinking of what is best for everyone not just the BM.
If you don't have a court
If you don't have a court order spelling all of this out, get one. If you do, enforce it strongly, because what she's doing isn't fair to those kids.
he does not have a court
he does not have a court order and it is true that I feel alot is done to keep her happy. They were long split up with her having a boyfriend before I came along...she always kept him in arms length when she was having trouble with her man she would go running back to him now that I am here she can't... she likes to use the kids against me.. I love his children as if they were my own and treat them as they were, my SS who lives with us I am very close to and it crushes me when she fills his head with sh*% telling him that if I wasn't there his mom and dad would be together....my SO says that would never happen in a million years and that he has never been happier in his life, so that is my delimma I don't want to push him too hard so BM can tell the kids that it is me that is keeping them away from her on Christmas
I agree, get a court order.
I agree, get a court order. Neither you or him have a right to be upset because she is doing exactly what bitter bm's do...whatever they can to piss off the ex. Now, if she violates the c.o., THEN he has a problem. My bf has a court order but it doesn't matter. His ex has no problem going against it and finding any loophole she can if it will keep the kids from him. He filed back at the beginning of the year and hasn't gotten his day in court yet bc he is fighting false allegations now. Nothing will ever be easy for parents that don't get along...c.o. or not. It sucks.
Even with a court order, the
Even with a court order, the bm has control because she has the kids. She can do whatever she wants. They can agree to everything, and then follow through with nothing. Two normal, healthy parents work things out for the kids. Not everyone is normal, and a lot of bm's are bitter to the degree that it hurts their kids and they are clueless. True story...my bf has been trying to have his court order enforced since Feb. but when his income went up THAT order was changed within two months. Even though he has a court order, she can deny access, which she has done.... it's a nightmare.
I came to the realization
I came to the realization that like usual we caved to keep the BM happy... she was going to tell the kids that it was all my idea to keep them away from her... I really do not know what goes thru the head of some women, for the most part she doesn't want the children there. she has two of the children living with her and the third lives with us.. do you think that she calls him ever to talk to him...noooooo and when he goes there every other weekend to see her she goes out and leaves them with a sitter than sleeps all day till we pick him up... WHAT IS UP WITH THAT!!!
We cant get ss for Christmas
We cant get ss for Christmas or Christmas eve ever either.We have to wait until the day after for him. i dont know how to do this as there is no custody orders in place. it makes Christmas frustrating. my husband pays cs, he does his duties as dad, and he still gets screwed without having any actual holidays with his own son. he has to wait until the day after.