Is it acceptable....
Forums:
Just wanted to ask....
My SO goes over BMs house, to spend time wih his kids, 12 & 5, on their birthdays, and Christmas Day. Our last three Christmas's have been interrupted for him to go to HERS with load of guilt presents that he cannot afford. These visits are normally about 5 hours, but then again, only 3 times a year...
I hate it!! If he wants to see them, it should be at his, without her. He shouldn't (IMO) be going round there playing happy families. Is this selfish? Am I being unreasonable? I've bit my tongue for the last 3 years, not sure I can do it again!!
Help!!
I had this issue and made it
I had this issue and made it stop. I even spoke to a therapist about it who did some checking. The consensus is that it should not be happening. It is not healthy for the kids to have any illusion of "one big happy family". It is also not OK for you to be excluded from events. They need to spilt holidays like normal people. Two seperate traditions in two seperate homes. If they want to play "one big happy family" they can work out their issues and get remarried.
I just made it happen this
I just made it happen this year when we moved in together. The year before she wouldn't allow him to bring me over. I was really pissed. So this year, I decided there was no way this was happening again. I told FDH we were going to do Christmas my way, which is to open presents Christmas Eve and then they could go to BM's at noon on Christmas morning.
BM was NOT happy about this. The kids were a little bummed at first but understood when FDH explained that life was changing. BM is moving in with her BF. What's next, FDH, me and my son have to go to her BF's hous? Seriously, time to split up the holiday.
Next thing I know, I am being asked to host BM too. I said no way. Why should I have to have her in my home for Christmas? Why should MY son (22) have to hang out with this strange woman who he knows I do not like and has been mean to me. She's still really pissed about it and brought it up recently that I was "mean to her at Christmas". Oh lady, you haven't sean me be mean yet.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that is NOT acceptable.
How often does he see his kids on his time?
I think this depends on how
I think this depends on how long he has been doing this.
I know when my ex and I split he came over for Christmas for 3 years, the kids remained at my home for the day. Something he and I agreed on when we were married that the kids would be home for Christmas.
In July going into the 4th year he met someone and she moved in, by November I had court docs in my hand that were filed for visitation on Christmas.
It sparked a feud like you would not believe and the damage that the kids were old enough to recognize is not repairable.
Now when Christmas is with him he gets two very sullen teenage girls that believe that being at home is where they need to be for Christmas.
Sad part was I opened my home and my family to the person he was seeing, she was more then welcome to come and bring her children as well.
Years later his then girlfriend now wife admitted to me that pushing him to take me to court was wrong of her and she wishes she never did it.
Just something to think about
"Sad part was I opened my
"Sad part was I opened my home and my family to the person he was seeing, she was more then welcome to come and bring her children as well."
I'm sorry but if DH's ex said that to me I'd assume that she was nuttier than a fruitcake. Why in the hell would any woman want to go spend the holidays with a woman who used to fuck her husband? So her children were not to be allowed the luxury of spending time at their home - they were supposed to go spend the day with their stepdad's ex fuck partner?
When people divorce THEY ARE NO LONGER A FAMILY UNIT. If you want to have a family unit stay married. You should have been willing to put your selfish desires for Christmas at your home aside and encouraged your daughters to go enjoy time with their dad.
My exH and I always make a
My exH and I always make a point to spend some time together on Christmas. We always do a kid exchange on Christmas and part of that includes one parent coming over to the other parent's (wherever the kids are), spending some time together and doing a gift exchange, talking, etc.
Last year me, DH and SS13 went to exH's house after we picked up SS from the exchange location with BM. It sets a nice example for the kids and they all enjoy it.
ugh. I think this is weird.
ugh. I think this is weird. If they like each other and are comfortable to spend what are supposed to be intimate family celebrations together for 5 hours at a time then they should have stayed married. I dont even underrstand how anyone can say this is for the kids? What kid does not enjoy multiple celebrations? I know I personally like visiting various relatives and hosting various celebrations for xmas-so what kid wouldnt want essentially 2 christmas mornings?
How often does he see his
How often does he see his kids? If its only at those times then yes thats fare. If he see them EOW then no, he should have Holidays at his house for his kids.
I believe that a parent should be a parent 365 days a year. I also have learen that in child custody cases its best from the start to always go by the court order. So for me as a Bio Mom and a Step Mom. This being said you will learen on this site that some BMs are just incapable of sharing their kids without a fight. At the end of the day the fight only hurts the kids. (And us SMs because we will always be second to the kids.)