Constant Issues- Torn Between Kids and SD
Hi All, first post. I am desperate at this point. I have two children (Daughter 12/Son 8)from another marriage and one that I share with new SD (daughter 3). Technically we are not married but have been together for more than 6 years. I fell in love with stepdad because he was sooo amazingly wonderful with children, now it is hard to find those moments. He is still a great dad just not as loving and amicable as he used to be. There is constant fighting between my children and him and I am always in the middle. Either SD is complaining about what brats they are and what they are constantly doing wrong or kids are complaining about how he is acting with them- rude answers, yelling, ignoring them. That's not to say my kids don't have their faults/issues, they throw fits, my daughter is a tween so there are constant mood swings and attitudes.
I grew up in a house where my father was constantly yelling and I hated it- I feel like I am living in that house again. If I bring up the issues with SD it turns into a monumental fight and he accuses me of taking the kids side all the time.
I am at the point where I am not talking to either my kids or SD, my blood pressure is almost at a constant 200/120, I can't sleep. I love everyone involved I just can figure out how to get things to work.
Aside from all that we still have the usual custody issues and are constantly dealing with my ex.
Any advice from experience?
send him here so we can teach
send him here so we can teach him to disengage. The teen years suck for a lot of step parents.
Thanks, I've read that
Thanks, I've read that disengaging is something that works for many step parents but I keep encouraging SD to be involved. I feel if he does disengage, as he has "threatened" many times, we wouldn't be a real family. What would be the point then, I would still be in the middle?
As AA said, send HIM to this
As AA said, send HIM to this website...there is a lot of advice that is given & it may help him (& your family as a whole).
I also agree with Flabbergasted...if YOU listen to what his issues are & try to work on compromising where needed, maybe the two of you can come to an agreement & have a happy marriage again.
You haven't given us much information to go on...so that's all I've got.
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the feedback, I appreciate it to no end. I am not sure how to approach a repair to the situation but for now I think I might just disengage myself. I am absolutely exhausted and maybe if I remove myself from the situation and stop paying attention to all of them they might get the picture and figure it out for themselves or at least try. Even if they don't talk to each other at least they won't be fighting- I hope. I don't know that this is right but I just don't think I have the energy to try and come up with a plan that is going to work for all of us.
i think this is going to make
i think this is going to make it worse. If your DH feels like you are ignoring what he says, its going to make him more resentful and more likely to NOT want to be around your children. I simply learned that my SO doesn't want to hear anything negative about his children. So I've stopped. Maybe this is how your DH feels? I don't know. I think it would be beneficial to hear his side of the story.