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Part of blended family too?

Ondasash's picture

My husband was married before me. For 4 years to his ex wife and mom to his daughter who is now 11. His ex has a son who is about 3 years older than my Sd. My husband was a stepdad to this boy and left when the boy was... 7 or 8... Something like that. Well we minister to our youth at church ages 11-18 and its every Wednesday. Last week his ex had my sd and her son and she was going to bring my sd to church and ask my husband if her son could come to. My husband told me she asked and he just told her he wanted their daughter there. But I got an attitude about it because since I have been in pic the ex has her way of either trying say her son missed my husband and needs him or she'll say her car is messed when she drops of the daughter to our house and looks under her hood in short shorts or I've also noticed she wears makeup when she know my husband will be around picking their kid or dropping her off but if she know he isn't around then she come looking like a slob. So she always does stupid things and my husband don't pay attention. He don't even help with the car problems she says she has. He closes our blinds and goes on about his business lol. But I told him that her son isn't allowed in our youth group for this reason. And it puts me in a very uncomfortable and awkward position. I have been rude about it and he understands and doesn't object to it all but am I being wrong? Is this part of the blended crap that I joined? Because this son is no relation to me nor husband. Just SD's brother by another man. I feel like a bitch at times for this but then again... Idc b/c I didn't sign papers for an extra add on. It's hard enough living with sd who isn't nice and an ex who has an addiction to meth and whores around. Any advice? Or answers? Am I right for this or should I be accepting and allow it which would be another way for ex wife to try some more shit and I may blow on her.

dad'swife's picture

It's not the child's fault. And he can't join a youth ministry because you don't want him there? When he would be involved and receiving the same message as the other children? How would you feel, as a child, if someone you love just stopped talking to you? I don't have the full story here so I'm assuming there's so back story or maybe you just don't like the kid.

Helping BM with her car is not your DH's problem. But I feel bad for her son. My DH had a stepdaughter and in the beginning he would talk and see her just as he would his kids, but it's something that becomes less frequent on its own. He would never have just cut her off, and if he did, that would make me question his character.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Me, too. I have my beliefs and I pray a lot, but I have a huge problem with these people who go to church/preach and then turn around and do/say things like the OP. My mom, my brother, and my MIL are all so "godly".....when it is convenient for them. Not to mention many other people I have met.

This poor kid-this group may something really wonderful for him, and he is not allowed, through no fault of his own.

Shook's picture

Do you speak in tongues? Level with us, is that the real reason he can't go to church? He hasn't figured out the Rosetta Stone, Learning to Tongue yet? Wellllll I can understand that lol.

Craving Normality's picture

Why do people like ondasash write these crappy posts? What do they get out of bullshitting us all?

Ondasash's picture

Ok. dH hasn't been in life way way way before me. Been married almost 3 years and has been divorced and away From that son and ex wife for over 7 years now. Ex just pushes it or is trying to. Our church is far from where they live. This is her way of being her. The son don't even want to be around his sister so... I don't want nor feel that I should be dealing with stuff that ex wants to add.

Ondasash's picture

And if it was serious about him coming to our church then I wouldn't be so harsh about it but that isn't case. He attends church with his grandparents already. This isn't him wanting to come. This is the ex. Otherwise... I like this boy. He is sweet and kind to me and speaks to my kids. I have nothing against him. It's the mother who is doing this. Nothing with the kid. AT ALL.

Ondasash's picture

I don't turn away any one from church. I just don't feel our group is for him with his mom deciding this all of a sudden. And she don't have custody of any of her kids. She has 3. So sorry for I guess giving y'all wrong impression. Some harsh comments y'all wrote and that's fine. But if the situation was the ex not trying to do what ever she is trying to do then he would be welcomed. He attends another church so it isn't like he don't belong to one.