Am I the only Stepmom who complains alot about my SD?
:? My Sd 10 is so annoying. I know I can't force her to play with my son which is 4. I understand she is growing and wants her space. But why is it when I visit my parents and siblings she is so willing to play with my lil brother who is the same age as her but can't play with her Step brother? My brother will gladly play with his nephew! Maybe a boy thing?? But then I can't stand looking at her. I can't stand her talking. Really she is a bitch that her dad can't see. She speaks softly as innocent as can be to her dad or her nana but turns around and will ignore my son or yell at him or just not play with him. She has this ignoring my son so bad I told her dad I was gonna do the same to her. Idc what she has to say. But I pretend to. When she tells me She loves me, I say the same but I don't. I can't. Its stressful to pretend with someone who has lied on you at the beginning and manipulated things. I tried to be nice and sympathize her but she kept lying. And now... i'm done. I can't stand her!!!! Idk whether to explain my feelings to her dad or just keep pretending. My son loves her and idk how he can. He thinks of her to share things. She doesn't. She is for her self and her self only. Her BM gets her every other weekend and I pray for those weekends to come fast and leave very slowly. Any suggestions?
P.s. Its to the point I don't
P.s.
Its to the point I don't even want her playing with our 6 month old! Her face annoys me. Her voice annoys me. Just seeing her annoys me. How can I get past this feeling? Will it go away? Do I tell my husband about her and how she really is with out him here?
Well all I can say is I
Well all I can say is I married DH when SD was 10. She was an evil brat. She lied and manipulated everyone. She did her best to get rid of me. She ended many of DH's relationships but she couldn't get rid of me. I was very very nice to her. Now she is 15. She pretends to be nice to me and I pretend to be nice to her but I do not like her. It took DH years to see the true her. Now he sees how mean and jealous she is and that she lies about everything. If he did not see her for who she really is I am not sure I could live like that.
She was very mean to my daughter who was 5 at the time. She is still mean to her but now my daughter is 10.
I learned that if I came out and said something to DH about SD he would get very defensive and say you hate my daughter. Now I just play stupid and put it out there. Like he will call and ask what is everyone doing and I will innocently say oh BD3 is crying and he will ask why and I will say she had a fight with SD15. But I will not come out and say Sd did this or that. He sees it for himself finally. I don't need to say anything anymore.
I feel the same way-her voice, face everything annoys me so bad. I spend alot of time in my room. And she lives with us fulltime so I never get a break from her. I just hope and pray that when she turns 18 she will want to go live with her mother. I doubt it but I can still dream.
If I said anything to him he
If I said anything to him he would be defensive too. I tried that one time actually. I hope when my Sd turns 18 or 16 she will leave to be with her mom but I don't see her dad letting her. Idk. Lol. But atleast I'm not alone. Thank u!
My DH would never ever let SD
My DH would never ever let SD live with her mother. BM has no custody and doesn't even get visitation but since SD is 15 she can decide for herself if she wants to see her. She is actually with her now but she doesn't like to spend more than a couple of hours with her so it sucks for me because she is here all the time!!
I walk on thin ice with DH. He does finally see his daughter is a mean selfish bitch. He can say it but I cannot. He gets mad so I just nod and say nothing when he talks about her. Its been a challenge the last 5 years. We never fight only about SD. I have finally learned to just keep my big mouth shut. SD is so stupid that if you give her enough rope she hangs herself.
I have learned to just deal with her. I don't go out of my way for her anymore because no matter what I do she will always be unhappy with me. So I do nothing. I am a stay at home mom so I do drive her around to and from friends houses. I will not bring her shopping. I try not to bring her anywhere with me. She is very mean to my 10 yr old daughter and our 3 yr old daughter. I hide in my room from her most of the time.
My daughter is now 10. I could never imagine her being as mean and bitchy as SD was at that age. Ten is a hard age. My daughter is very stubborn and will not admit when she is wrong. She doesn't remember to flush the toilet. Her room is always a mess. But she is very very good to my 3 yr old. She is like her second mother. She really helps me out alot with her.
Good luck. Hopefully it will get better for you. Eventually she will be a teenager and be more interested in being with friends.
Oh dear you need a hug! I
Oh dear you need a hug! I relate to your position & understand how you feel. Depending on the relationship with you & your DH will be the biggest factor in the end. I do not know if he or how he is supportive of you & your emotions. Dads of girls can be innocently blind & you can teach him otherwise. It takes a lot of patience & any anger you present to him, is as if you are trying to walk forward taking steps backwards. Men in my experience learns slow when it comes to their daughters. A wives anger will stress them to a dead end.
Accept you hate your SD & wish that she was never born if it will make you feel better. I had to myself & even hit my DH up for a fake kidnapping... It was that bad here a couple years ago. I told my husband that I wish we could have a friend who looked scary & would take his daughter & force her to live in the woods for a couple of weeks. Where we would know she was safe yes but she would not know any of which! I thought it may help her to see that we are not as mean as she makes us feel & that if she wanted to live as a victim, to give her a reason to be a victim. It sounds so bad & cruel on my end I know..but its how I felt back then.
So my point..I fully understand your anger, hate, & all but you can do something about it
Allow yourself to be as disengaged as possible to start. Back off (for your sake in the long run) on venting to DH about her, & focus on who in your life makes you feel happy. Its good to have communication with your partner but it can backfire if you are not careful on your approach of his daughter. Remember she will be of age someday & gone so its ok to focus on having fun in the moment. Leave fixing her problems to her parents too.
One day I pulled out a kitty pool & slapped that on top of our trampoline. Than filled it of cold water on a hot day & SD sat in the pool as the hose was still in the pool running & we jumped around her. More fun than a water park before all was said & done... She was the one who was not going to join us on the family fun, guess that backfired. It gave her no time to think about how she could punish us all for wanting to have a good day! So if possible, being creative yet silly can turn the tables in your favor.
Thank u all for the replies.
Thank u all for the replies. I do try to separate myself from her but it seems when I do, tension grows with my husband and I. He wont say anything but I can feel tension about me trying to avoid SD. I hate being alone with her and my boys. I love being alone with my sons. Her mother is a drug addict but sees her on weekends but her mother isn't responsible for punishing.. its me and her dad. But i've backed out of that and let her dad do it mostly. I hate to feel like I do towards her b/c it is draining. But i'll just keep pretending/acting until she leaves. Lol. I just hope it doesn't backfire. Lol
I honestly thought I was the
I honestly thought I was the only one who felt like that!!!!Im so stressed . My Step children arent evil so to say but they are like babies who are locked in a closet and dont know anything. They have odd behaviors that I dont like. My SS is 6 and my SD is 7 1/2. They cant bathe themselves with a fit. They dont know the difference between clean or dirty clothes, they dont know the difference between winter clothes and summer clothes. They dont know good touch vs bad touch. They dont seem to know how to keep their hands to themselves. At times they are just unruly. We have them every other weekend and I am to the point that I want to just grab all my kids and walk out of my house when they walk in the door.
My step children live with
My step children live with their bio mom and she just does everything for them. She babies them to the extreme. Im not doing it!!! I used to try and teach them printing out papers to learn letters or shapes and they would tell me they arent in school they dont need to do this..I remember sitting with my SS when he was 4 trying to teach him what a circle was and just couldnt get it.. My SS didnt know his colors till he was 5..
I have 5 kids of my own plus the 2 of them when they come here. I expect things from a 6 and 7 year old, like being able to wash yourself and dress yourself and put your clothes in your dirty clothes basket not back in your drawer or in your toy box.....My 7 year old has been showering herself since she was 5 with minimal help. I would show her how to turn on the water and what to use to wash herself and help her with her hair. My 2 year old daughter already wants to try and wash herself..When I try to wash she she says " I do it mommy" but my SD is almost 8 and cries if I tell her she has to take a shower and wash herself. She is delayed but this is something she can do on her own her mother just chooses to do it for her to avoid a tantrum.I help her to turn on the than tell her to use shampoo for her hair and soap or body wash for her body. She can read very well so it shouldnt be hard for her. Her parents seem to be in denial of the issues she has. Her mom is taking her to counseling for low self esteem however thats not the only issue. SD cant remember things properly. She gets upset in new situations. Her mom still lets her call her ma ma and talk like a baby which is something I dont allow here and they know it. So when they catch their selves talking like babies they correct themselves so they know its wrong. HEr mother should have been getting her help since she realized she was delayed at 2 but she didnt get her help till she was 4 and was made to by child services. which i read in paperwork. SD and SS come out of no where with strange things..like for example we will be in the middle of a conversation and SD will say Im sleeping over for 2 nights. SS has crawled around smelling his sisters butt. He has put his feet between her legs, Just not ways I think a kid should act as My children are 14, 9, 7, 2 and 11 months and I have not seen this behavior before.