New here...opinions requested.
New here, but am so glad I located this site! I am in need of opinions. Background: I am a divorced mom of 3 (2 live with me, 1 with her father). I work full time. I met my fiance 4 years ago. At that time he had just gotten divorced and his ex was living with her now husband. He has two daughters 11 and 7. I didn't meet them until 2 years ago...we took things slow. Saturday after attending my fiances daughters soccer game, their mother and her husband came to me in my care screaming. I got out to find out what was goin one(I heard my fiance telling her not now, the kids were in my backseat). Her husband backed me into my car, he was literally 2 inches from my face. Yelling and screaming. Apparently they were angry because we stayed on the other end of the field and didn't sit next to them and when they saw me at a store a few weeks back I didn't say hi to them. She then said she wasn't afraid of me...what? Did she really think we were going to get in a fist fight? I felt like I was on a Jerry Springer show. She started ranting about how much her kdis hated coming to my house...really, becuase they always act like they have a good time and certainly enjoy all the creature comforts that my home provides. Anyway. I really thought her husband was going to hit me..my fiance was yelling for him to get off but he was bizerk...so was she. She then started ranting to fiance about "Do you see what you are going to marry? You better take care of my kids", etc. They also had an odd knowledge of my household going ons...where my daughter (13) was, and where my son (12) was...also where my my olderst (16) lives. Becuase she lives with her father they were yelling about what a horrible mother I am for giving up her daughter....I didn't give her up. She thought life was greener with dad...I was going to let her find out first hand! My question is, how did they know about her? First off, Up until my fiance put his foot down she was calling him at all sorts of hours to find out where he was and who he was with. She left him for her now husband...what the heck did she care. Because of her multitude of controlling behaviors I have had not desire to hang out with her at any soccer games. This year she only took the one daughter to one of her games and let her other daughter sleep in because her husband had worked late and she didn't want to wake him. She doesn't work. Both kids are in school. I don't think she has any excuses, but that is my opinion.I am considering filing a police report...I never expected this type of crazy behavior...I have done everything possible not to place myself in a positioned to have this type of position. In everyones experience...what should I do? I am not used to dealing with these types of people. Also, how do I handle the kids. It is obvious from the conversation that they have been telling her many negative things about me. I really want to tell the little brats off but have, so far, controlled myself. That definately hurt me. My daughter overheard the older one telling her mom (on the phone) that I was saying that the husband had hit me. That is something that I asked her dad to confront her about and of course she denied it. Also, after the incident at the soccer field, once me and fiance got back in the car (remember the girls were in the backseat watching this the whole time) I said to fiance...I think he(her husband) was going to hit me. Fiances older daughter said...He wouldn't do that, he is to nice....really??Of course, like anyone, I could go on and on.
I agree with BLM regarding
I agree with BLM regarding kids saying what the other parent wants to hear- or what they THINK the parent wants to hear. My two skids would tell their BM all kinds of things. The problem being we bought into it and began questioning everything about what was said and done. The problem- my DH is extremely distant from his ODD, we will see what happens with the SS.
When they complained to BM that they were treated different, that I didn't like them, that my ODD was a brat- it wasn't really true. NOW it is true (all except my ODD being a brat
I do treat them different, I don't respect them or their opinions regarding my house, I don't buy anything extra for them, I have no expectations of them at all. They chose the guest status not me.
The ONLY time I talk to BM is if we make eye contact. IF I see her out- I detour very very quick- I will say hello and walk on. I have nothing to say to her.
As for the behavior- do you think there is a threat? Or was she just being redneck? IF there was a threat, file a report. And go forward knowing that this will be the way things are for a long time.
Might be to late to file the
Might be to late to file the report this far after the fact, but I would try. The thing you need to consider is where the fiance is landing in all of this. For starters, ANYONE who stepped into my wife's face like that would find themselves unconscious on the ground in a big hurry. For those who say that's inappropriate in front of the children, they need to know that you will stand up and protect them no matter what.
The fact is, he didn't protect you. He is dismissing what you told him about the phone call, and allowing them to mistreat and disrespect you. This is prior to the marriage.
Reality check, he's not interested in standing up for you with his kids. His ex is insane. Her new husband is insane. Both seem potentially violent, and he's not any more interested in standing up for you there. You have two choices: lay down the law and tell him what you expect in terms of treatment from him and the kids, or cut your loses before going any further.
What was your DF doing while
What was your DF doing while the man was in your face?? Since they got away with this, they will try it again. Sooner or later, you're going to have to step out of character nd deal with her in a manner she understands. I would ignore what your daughter told you. Either girl could be lying about what was said on the phone. Since you didn't hear it, let it go. Let your DF know that if that crazy man (or any other man) ever jumps in your face again, he needs to floor his ass.
Thanks for the input. DF was
Thanks for the input. DF was right next to me the whole time. He was verbally defending me, but didn't hit the guy...I did call him on it. I understand that his job would frown upon that type of behavior...but come on. I made it very clear that his man card was in danger with his behavior and that I wouldn't tolerate it. He responded with...make sure you have bail money then.
@Phil...you wrote what I had been thinking. I am questioning our relationship now. He is not a confrontational person, however, I expect him to be for me. I called the police and asked about making one...they wanted to know why I waited so long if I was afraid...blame the victim I guess. I explained that I chose not to act impulsively. I wanted to make sure it was something I wanted to do and not something I would regret. Their response makes me not even want to...I hate this. Like Disneyfan said...they probably will try to do it again. I guess I am going to have to act as low class as them in order to get my point across....ugh.