The past ten years of my life have been a roller coaster. I have DD11(mine) and DS6(ours) and SD17(his) all live with us. BM has bipolar disorder and has wrecked havoc on our lives for years. There is not enough time in the day for me to talk about SD17 and everything that has happened, but between the two of them I have been through it all. Two DCF investigations, three court trials, lying, stealing, disrespect, entitlement, being afraid for my kids, five therapists for SD17 and NOTHING has changed. I had enough!! So I started therapy about a year ago for anxiety and it has come full circle to me working on "loving detachment" as my therapist calls it or DISENGAGEMENT like you all have talked about. I am trying but it is difficult. DH doesnt like me too much right now because I have stood up for myself. I have had enough and I am not taking it anymore.

So fast forward to the here and now...DH has told SD17 on more than four occasions over the past two years that she has to stop the manipulating, lying, deceit etc and become a decent human being or she can go live with her mother. The last straw was when SD17 lied to her mother about numerous things and BM filed for modification with court to get her parental rights back, based on all the lies...NIGHTMARE. So DH told SD17 that she needs to have a plan for when she turns 18 because she will not be in our house anymore. Anyhow, BM refused to take SD17, SURPRISE, never wanted the kid and still doesnt want her, just wants to control our lives. HOWEVER, a few weeks ago DH makes comment about cost of college for SD17 and I am confused to say the least. I ask him about SD17 moving out when she turns 18 and at first he acts as though we never had any conversation with her, then says that I took it differently than what he intended, that he was just trying to scare SD17 into behaving. I was like NEWS FLASH...these are SD17 personality traits and they don't just "change", we have been doing this for years and I am over it. I want our house back, I want our lives back etc. So then I get attitude from DH, telling me that is not fair becasue she will be in the middle of her senior year of high school. So am I being a total bitch here? Do I insist that she move out at 18 or let her stay for more fun and excitement unitl she graduates in June?