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I'm tired of coming in last

Anonomommy's picture

I'm a mother of two boys,13&10 and a SM of two girls,20&17. I've been married for ten years. My children are from a previous marriage but my H has taken on the responsibility of raising mine as his own bc their bio is worthless. SDs would visit about twice a month on payday. It has been obvious for years that SDs use my H for money. SDs have never likes me or my boy and always treated us horrible. About three months ago SD17 got herself into a heap of trouble..she lied to her BM and said she was pregnant (she never was) well BM grounded her and forbid her to continue to see the bf. About a month into the grounding and not seeing the bf SD17 called CPS on her BM and lied and said she was getting abused. I know this is a lie as BM is actually a good mother. SD17 only did this bc she thought if she said she was preg then she could move in w the bf. My H let SD17 move into our home three months ago. It's been total hell! My H let's SD17 do/say whatever she wants and continues to let her date bf. I can not tell SD what to do or chores that need done bc when I do she actually cries and tells my H I'm being mean. My H always takes her side no matter what she's done. My H will not acknowledge or validate my feelings. My H actually told me to pack up and leave bc I confronted SD17 about the lies she's told. I told SD17 that she needs to go back to her BM house and live bc she is making it unbearable to live in my house. H was furious that I confronted her. He will do whatever she wants even when we've previously discussed situations and agree upon things all SD has to do is say daddy and no matter what she gets her way. I am tired of always being undermined and treated like crap. I can't stand SD17 and I want her out of my house and I my told my H all of the things she does but H disregards everything I saw.

Orange County Ca's picture

Well you got your marching orders and you know what his priorities are. Are you going to buckle under and live like this or leave? It really is your call.

bebop's picture

That's a rough situation. Me personally? I would just walk away. This man doesn't respect you, let alone require his brat to respect you. I don't know you're financial situation, but if you have the means to do so I would either move out, or move him out.

Anonomommy's picture

It's my H house. I don't want to uproot my own kids. I'm in a terrible situation and there is no easy way out. I will always come last to him and I know 18 means nothing. This is going to go on forever. I know I need to leave I just can't bring myself to do that to my kids.

ncgal1980's picture

How is this affecting your kids? If you say it's not, are you sure about that?

It may be rough going for a while, but please don't subject your kids and yourself to this crappy treatment any longer than you absolutely have to. Commit to doing whatever it takes to get away, even if all you can do is save up a dollar a day until you have enough to get the hell out.

I was nearly destitute for several years after booting my abusive ex husband out, but it was worth every penny-pinching minute of it to have my life back, both for me AND my two kids.

Silent River's picture

This little girl has entirely too much power, and she knows how to use it. I wish my advice were more awesome but it's not. Be careful not to say too much because the person who says the least, has the most power (trust me on this). Disengage with both of them. Finally, dark chocolate, and red wine....this recipe cures a multitude of issues.

IslandGal's picture

Yes!! This I-m so happy !! File for divorce and put your boys first. He's showing you that you're the last on his list of priorities and you don't need your kids learning this lesson. They need to know that their Mom is respected and you need to be strong.

Leave DH to deal with his lazy ass daughter - he can watch her grow up to be co-dependent and a leach on society.

random169's picture

Its whatever you want to do. You could leave home and get 1/2 of everything. You could take it. You could suggest family therapy for everyone. You should definitely seek a therapist just for yourself. Just for peace of mind. I also would suggest not picking up after SD. She is old enough and tell him that she needs to learn independent living skills because its important at her age.

Good luck!

Anonomommy's picture

An update on this situation..
Well H told me he was angry that I yelled at SD17, and doesn't want me to leave. He said he didn't mean it but I shouldn't have yelled at SD17. H has been on the couch ever since. I'm not forgiving that easy! H hurt me!! SD17 and I have not spoke one word since I told her about herself. I want her out of my house. The stress and problems she causes are not worth it and my H has got to see this soon! I hope the things that I said to SD17 hit home it was all the truth. I don't think SD17 will ever change she acts just like SD20 and their mother. All are bitches, stuck up, rude, self centered, manipulative bitches. Yes I said that!! My H still thinks the SD do no wrong. One day he's going to get bit in the ass!