Okay, so the title says it all...and i know, it's a horrible statement.

I was single mom of 3 for 7 yrs before entering into the relationship I am in. After dating for 3 yrs, we got married and have been together for 4 yrs now. We have had our ups and downs, mostly the negatives have come from my SS's BM. We have dealt with more than any reasonable person should have, but we have managed. Things didn't start getting bad until a few months prior to our wedding. We knew BM would start her shananigans and sure enough...she did!

I have 2 SS's and have really never had a problem with them. They have always gotten along with my kids and we have blended rather well as a family.

Suddenly, BM decided she wanted custody and all hell broke loose in my household. My oldest SS has no respect for me or my kids. He has no respect for his father. He has no respect for his own brother. He is 13 and we have to literally sit down and go through his bag in order for him to do any homework. ( He resents this because he doesn't have to do it at his moms- her way of being the "good parent" ) He makes a mess and walks away from it. (spilled milk will disappear on it's own? ) He is so argumentative about personal hygiene. I took him to the doctors for acne and his prescriptions are expensive, yet i have to literally hand him a wash cloth for him to wash his face and apply his medication because if i tell him 5x, he doesn't listen. I told him 4x yesterday that his dinner is on the counter and he looks at me as if to say "so what", and totally ignores me. He never did eat, by the way.He shares a room with my son and he won't even help clean it. My son will bust his ass and the next day, my SS has his stuff everywhere. He has began bullying my son to the point that my son cries and when asked why he is doing it, he laughed and said it is because he knows he will cry. He was told 3x the other day that he is to stay out of the garage because he disrespects my husbands belongings by losing them or getting into things he should not get into. He spray painted 3 bikes and his explanation when asked why he did it? "You said i can't paint them, so i gave the paint to my friends and had them do it". We got a letter from the school because he is bullying there, and he was warned he would not be able to attend a 3 day field trip if he didn't straighten up. This is just a few things he has done this week. I can't begin to touch on the things he has done any other time. All of a sudden he is acting out, whereas he has never done this before. I am trying to be reasonable here, but i honestly can't stand being around him. My husband had gotten him into therapy a couple of months ago but it seems as though it's done nothing to help. We have grounded him and taken things away. Nothing helps!

BM says she does not have this problem when he is with her. BULL! His brother says she lets him do what he wants, say what he wants, act the way he wants and eat what he wants, when he wants to. So for the sake of being the cool mom, she has also told him that he doesn't have to listen to me. She told him that he does not have to eat the food i prepare. She doesn't make him do homework nor is he given any responsibility with chores. I am the evil SM and that is how he and his mother view me.

My kids ( along with his brother ) play every sport you can imagine, get good grades, oldest daughter even works at the age of 16, do their chores and know when i tell them something, they are to do it. I raised them to respect people and their belongings and if they want to be productive when they get older, they have to start good habits while they are young.

I am at the end of my rope. What do my husband and i need to do in order for him to understand that these are the rules...he needs to follow them? He has gotten my kids to the point that they don't want to be around him and they are starting to resent me because of the huge uproar he puts everyone in.