I need help ...When skids come over rules stop, but continue with my son...
First time, but really need help....I dont understand why everything has to change when one of his kids come over...we have our rules at home but when they come over the rules do not apply to them only for my son...the reason that rules do not apply to his children are because they do not live with us and because he does not want to make them feel uncomfortable and his afraid they will not want to come and visit him....everytime sk are over we fight for the same thing...I dont know what to do anymore ...he wants me to be part of them and be the adult ..to be tough and not let them be step over me...I have done it but it did not work...seem to make it worse... I have no saying on decision when it comes to them...like today ...he hates pets but last night he called his 9yr old to come and spend the night, found out he had 2dogs..so child did not come over, today he picked him and brought the dogs with child....with out even telling me...I got so angry and told him that Im tired of him not taking me part of anything...I love my husband but im afraid its going to an end because of his kids...what to doooooo...
It certainly would not be the
It certainly would not be the done thing for a SKID to bring the pets over when they come to visit and I think you should put your foot down over this. The animals will be happier at home, and the children will just have to accept that.
There should be the same rules for his children in your home as there are for your son - point out to your DH that children need consistency and they need boundaries to help them feel secure. This should be in place for both your son's sake, he needs to see his step siblings have the same rules as him, and also for family harmony and the welfare of the SKIDS - I'm sure the house rules you have set are for a good reason, and they should apply to everybody.
This is classic! I went
This is classic! I went through this for 10+ years; before SD now 14 had moved in with us FT 2 years ago. DH admits he was wrong for a lot of things and realizes NOW that he created a huge monster. She thinks everything and everybody must bend the rules for her and she calls the shots. She would actually call around and see what house was doing the "better" thing before she PICKED what she wanted to do. I tried my best to make him see.......I was told I was a B* and I didn't love her and blah blah blah. we also have 3 other children but I mostly saw the unfairness w/ BD12. Punishments were diff all the time!! I called him out on it many times and stood my ground. If you believe in something stand by it. As ridiculous as it may sound - I used to have examples READY to go.........not in a baby way; but it helped him see! Good luck....
While I understand the
While I understand the emotions your DH is going through - it is incrediby disrespectful for him to NOT discuss things with you before deciding them.
An argument you can take is I didn't just marry YOU, I married you and your kids. Therefore I have a stake in what happens in OUR home. I realize you may not want to alienate your kids, but the reality is they should want to come see you whether or not you give in.
I would never do such to my partner - but the difference is - he'd axe the relationship in a heartbeat if we ever got that disrespectul of each other (note I said, "each other". I'm having disrespect issues of a different sort).
JRTerrierMom
First the pets have no
First the pets have no business coming over and if the kids won't come b/c of that then they really don't care to. All they want is for dad to let them do what they want when they want and dad is letting them. He can't let them he is a dad first not a friend. YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN THAT TO HIM. He is still a dad no matter if he is with their mom or not.
What I did was start asking my dh if he wanted his kids to end up in jail b/c he wasn't a father to his kids now. I just kept asking him those types of questions. He finally got it when his son was out side my sons bed room window taunting him b/c he got in trouble and ss did not for the same thing and they did it together.
But you see I didn't just sit there and let him do that to my son I raised A HUGE stink over what he did and i demanded he do something. I also asked him if that had been his son and my son taunted him what would he do?
Dh finally got it. You might have to do something to show him that him not being a dad can do and the ramifications.