let me be clear before i vent, i know i’m the one who got myself in this situation. 

my BD/BF is 35 (14 years older) with 6 outside kids. when we first started talking he told me he only had 3, only for me to find out about the others from someone else. by the time i found out I was already pregnant with my babygirl and decided to try to make things work. he sold me a bs story about how his son that lives with him is always gone with friends, the oldest 2 daughters (same mom as the son) were in NY and only came down during the summer, and the others he only got if he was off on weekends. i moved out of my mom’s house and in with him. shortly after, i lost my job due to complications with my pregnancy and put myself in a hole debt wise. 

. I used watch the 15yo and the youngest 2 (SS8 &SD6) for him back when we all got along (before i realized they were disrespectful any time he’s not around) now i basically want nothing to do with any of them. the son is super messy and we used to have problems with him sneaking into food, even the stuff we kept hidden in our room. to make things worse, when the pandemic hit, the oldest kids’ mom sent her girls (14, 11) to LIVE with us. our house is only a 3br so they’re basically staying in the living room along with the younger ones when they come over (RIP our couches). 

ever since the pandemic hit i feel like i’m basically living in hell now. he lost his FT job, and more time at home means more time that ALL his kids are here. He had them all for TWO WHOLE MONTHS last summer and the oldest 3 still live with us indefinitely. the only time i get to sit on my couches or watch my living room TV is 2x a week while they’re in school. we used to rarely use the tv in out BR and i HATE sitting up in bed with no back support. they are so loud and obnoxious i can't take it especially when there's 5 of them here. i had to get up at 4am for work during the summer and he would sit up and watch TV in our room loud asf. the only upside was he would stay up with our daught, if he felt like it.  i found a higher paying job (at the expense of my quality time with my baby smh) just to dig myself out of debt so i could get the hell away from them. i used to do OT and work sundays just for the extra money. he would accuse me of cheating because of that and the fact that, honestly, i’m no longer attracted to him. on top of that i was never in the mood. i would get home after an 8-12+hr shift and the first thing his kids do is start f*ing talking to me. oh and on top of that picking my DD up bc he wouldn’t watch her, even though his other kids were there. i understand they have good intentions but after dealing w my coworkers all day that’s the last thing i need. we get busy maybe once or twice a month if he asks enough to get on my nerves so imagine my surprise when i find out i’m pregnant AGAIN. this is all just the tip of the iceberg. i could literally write a book about all the sh*t they do. 

i don’t wanna take my baby away from her father (she adores him and her siblings) but i really can’t take it anymore. living with my mom isn’t an option anymore with another baby on the way and i recently lost my car (accident) and job (pregnancy AGAIN), so once again i’m backed into a financial corner. i even considered abortion briefly just because i don’t want any more ties to these people, but i don’t think i could ever bring myself to do that.

currently he's had the TV in our room all day and they're in the living room making gagging noises for the fck of it i guess. i just wish i could turn back time. i will never regret my child/children but i should have stayed at my mom's house.