So my SO was once married before me. His ex wife came into the marriage with a child then they had two children together. They got a divorce and my SO decided to take his two sons because I’m the lady she would give him a hard time with her oldest son. Which special needs. She favors him. If he’s upset or doesn’t get what she feels he needs she’ll have a fit and deny time talking to his other two son over the phone. The oldest sons last name is different and looks nothing like his brothers. So one day he asked why. So my SO explained that he has a dad that he’s never met before. Explaining everything the best way he could and the child was okay with it. My SO explained why the conversation came up and she got all upset as if it wasn’t going to come up one day. She denied my SO time with sons. Meaning he couldn’t pick them up or talk to them over the phone. There’s always a issue when it comes to her oldest son. She didn’t want to split them up because they’re brothers BUT she doesn’t co parent well at all. She’s always has a issue with sorting or bad mouths my SO. She doesn’t help financially at all. When the children are in her care they don’t take baths and live in filth. When we pick them up  my SO legit cries because they look homeless every time. She has told them children she doesn’t like me or their father. She’s talks very nasty and badly around them especially how she feels about us so I honestly fear that the children are conflicted inside. My SO asks them if they like me and they say but they feel bad because their bio mom doesn’t and they don’t want to make her mad. She has also told them that I don’t like their oldest brother which is far from the truth. 

How do I deal with a conflicted children? They’re only 5 and 7 years old. I feel like one child doesn’t really want to listen to sometimes now and I feel like it’s because of the mom. The youngest doesn’t give me issues. The 7yr is very emotional, insecure, and I believe conflicted because of his bio mom. 

Should we take him to counseling?