Ungrateful Skids
I have two skids and my bio son that’s a toddler . My skids are ungrateful, disrespectful, and they just don’t listen. When they lived with their mother, she did not cook so they ate hot Pockets, noodles, and chips. She did not clean nor do laundry. They did not even take baths. She has a two bedroom home. One room was occupied by her friend that she calls a sister/cousin whatever and she occupied the other with a Cali king bed. The children did not have a room, beds or anything. They slept on the floor or the couch. This is all facts. I’m not trying to bad mouth her at all. This was exactly what was going on in her home. My skids came to live with their father because she could not take care of them because she went to jail, didn’t have space or money etc. even though he paid well over 1,100 to her monthly. Well the boys are in our care. They have their own room, beds, toys for days, they get new shoes or clothes literally every month when we get paid, Xbox and tv on their room etc. They have everything they need or want other than a cell phone. Oh they have tablets, bikes, a small laptop, a dog, sea turtles etc.
We take them out almost every weekend to do something fun as family and we all thoughly have a good time BUT they don’t like to listen nor follow the rules of the house. They have behavioral issues at school. One is falling behind in school. We definitely discipline them. DEFINITELY. But honestly NOTHING ans I mean nothing gets through to them. They just don’t know how to behave and feel entitled and it drives me through the roof. This weekend I literally took EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING out of their room except their clothes, beds, and yea that’s it. Everything is in a storage closet because they pissed me off. I told them they weren’t getting a thing for Christmas nor their birthday. I literally agree trying to make sure I can give them things or make things happen for them but their rude, disrespectful and ungrateful. It’s to the point honestly i haven’t really spoken to them all week other than telling them to get dressed, get the car, take a bath, and goto bed. I feel like as a mom I’m worn out and tired of the bull crap. If they can be grateful or respectful then I feel that I should have to do or buy anything and I should let them go back to how they were living so something can click in their damn heads to do better. I’m tired of feeling unappreciated and being disrespected. I hate the feeling that I just don’t even want to deal with them. I need advice on how to get through this because I feel like I’m about to disengage as a step parent for the sake of my peace.
My question is where is your
My question is where is your DH when all of this is happening? You have a DH problem. He needs to step up and show his ungrateful brats what the real world is really like and try to create a structure home.
It sounds like they have been
It sounds like they have been given a lot.. but they have not been parented.. the one thing they were missing when they were with their mom.. as well as in your home.
No one has taught them proper behavior...you think they should have a certain standard.. but it sounds like they are way behind.. due to their time with their mother.. and now not being parented effectively.
Nuclear threats that you won't be following through on.. they are not helpful.. and in fact can make it worse.
It might be beneficial to get everyone to a family counselor.. and work through the behavioral issues.. would give you a much greater value for the kids than a sea turtle.
Agree
I absolutely agree with you on that they’ve been given a lot but not have been parented. I appreciate your feedback.
this is one of those
this is one of those situations that you and your DH may not have directly caused.. but you will need to remediate.
Giving them a nice bed and nice things.. that isn't enough to undo the lack of parenting when they were younger.. it will be remedial at this point.
How old are your skids?
How old are your skids?
It may be partially age related. My sd8 has very sweet moments and other total DIVA! She can act entitled and spoiled and thinks the world revolves around her. Other times you can tell she is trying so hard to please her father and I. It's partially due to her age. She does not fully understand how her behavior effects others and that can cause some selfish behavior and other times she just pushing the limits to figure out how far she can take it.
either way, I'm glad you are disciplining. But don't forget positive reinforcement. They have to know that there are negative consequences for negative behavior but they need to know when they do good and encouraged to repeat that.
good luck sweetie!
Thank you!
I seriously do appreciate all of the feedback and advice. I’m not a perfect parent but I’m trying my best. Again thank you.
Kids are not naturally "grateful"
Kids are not naturally "grateful." They need to learn it. You skids are only 5 and 7 and from your description have grown up in a very dysfunctional household. They have only lived with you for a couple of months, they are probably overwhelmed with the changes in their lives. They need to parented so they can learn how to behave properly.
Have you and DH considered parenting classes of some sort? You are punishing when you are angry, which is not good. While there is a school of thought that suggests taking everything away from a child and having them earn the items back can be a good technique, it is usually reserved for teenagers who respond to no other punishments. Back in August the kids were not even seeing their father, and now they are living with you. That is a pretty short amount of time to already being used "scorched earth" parenting techniques.
And threatening to take away Christmas and Birthday is just ridiculous. These are small children and there is no way that "punishment" fits their "crimes."
What happened with the older brother that BM wanted you to take? I'm assuming you didn't take him, which is another big adjustment for the skids. You asked before about therapy and were told it was a good idea. Has DH made any arrangments for them to see a therapist?