I feel I have no say
Forums:
Hi, it's as the title says really, I feel as if I have no say at all as to when my step daughter comes here, I'm told. My husband discusses it with his daughter and then me.
I have an okay relationship with her but when she's over it's like no one else in the house exists, only the two of them. We have a son who is constantly being moaned at which upsets me. I've honestly tried sitting my husband down and having a calm discussion together, texting him and even raising my voice more recently because after 11yrs I've finally had enough, I'm completely and utterly fed up of it. I was told today she's staying an extra week, not asked but told yet again.
Anyway rant over, it's nice to get it off of my chest.
Same
It used to be like that for me, though I'm only 5 years in. 11 years is a long time, way longer than would be reasonable for everyone to make the transition. Now the only time I'm out of the loop is if DH is gone somewhere, and we're working on that one.
There are times when I've felt like it's still the 5 of them, like he has a whole family unit I'll never be a part of. But thankfully he listens when I complain about this stuff. He wasn't so hot about it at first. But I think after a few times of her trying to make rules in our house, interfering with discipline in our house, and screwing up plans, he could see what I was talking about. There are still times when I feel left out, just thankfully not by him.
No say
Thank you for your reply, tbh it's my husband more than it's my step daughter. His ex is a very domineering person and has put it firmly in his head that their daughter's not to be left out at all. They had split up for nearly 2 yrs before he met me, not that you'd think it, as soon as I came on the scene jealousy reared it's ugly head and the the arguments and spiteful remarks that came from her were awful, sometimes in front of his daughter which is terrible. They both (ex and daughter) get absolutely everything their own way and sod me if I think differently. He doesn't like confrontation in the slightest so just agrees. Plus she's put it in his head moving nearly 2 hours away is like running away and abandoning her anyway, something which we definitely have not done.
As I said it's just nice to get it off my chest, I think my family are fed of listening to me xx
My DH used to do the same
My DH used to do the same with switching weeks, extra custody time, etc. I understood where he was coming from when he said he's not going to say to his daughter "no you can't come over here unless it's our week." HOWEVER, I let him know that just being considerate goes a LONG way. How about asking first if I had any plans that would interfere? How about asking, even though SD will be here, we can still carry on with ______? I think your DH means well, however he also needs to be considerate.
Also, there is a BIG difference between making SD feel welcome and constantly doing favors for BM. Oh, she has a trip planned? Oh, her work schedule changed? Then SHE needs to figure it out. Not constantly run to DH when she's having a problem and expect him to handle it to make it easier for her.
Oh hell no. There is a
Oh hell no. There is a reason why there is a CO'd visitation schedule. It is designed to give both parents time with their child(ren) and so that they can have a life.
In situations where a failed family prior breeder has a new SO, the visitation schedule is for the sake of the new SO's sanity. That kid free time is the SO's time, not the SKid's time, and not the failed family breeder's time to do with what they choose.
If that is not the case... it should be.