His daughter is always here while he's working
I'll try to keep this short. I have 3 kids and he has one, I am currently pregnant with his child ( 7 months )
Me and his daughter have a great relationship but the past few months I have become resentful. I have a few reasons.... he overpays her child support and is supposed to have her every second weekend. That isn't much so of course hw takes her extra sometimes but the past few months it's been ALL the time. He invites her to come for a week on end without asking me. I work from home and he works in the day 5-6 days a week just FYI. It bothers me because its often on days my children aren't even here so its not like shes here to hang with them and her mother isn't working and lives a few blocks away. So when my kids arent here and I have school and work to do online at the moment why am I " babysitting" their child? Her mother is very rude... a nightmare.. she will even yell and say things like yeah its ok to have her kids there.. sometimes they arent even here LOL. But the thing is he has never once been alone with or watched my kids and I have been doing this constantly basically since I met him. And I have no issue obviously if Im home on the Saturdays he's working or here and there so she can stay the night and have extra time with her Dad but like her mom is at home and lives around the corner so I feel like Im being taken advantage of. He gets defensive about it and said hes scared to even ask me if she can come over and its sad how I used to love having her here but he fails to see the big picture. My ex took the kids to mexico for 2 weeks and they had to quarantine for another 2 weeks when they got back so I am literally just getting them tomorrow for 2 weeks and its not his weekend ( She was here 10 of the last 14 days, mostly me watching her while her Mom is at home or doing whatever ) Remember again his scheduled time is 6 days of the month.. and I dont think it is enough either does he so we do take her extra ... We have her 40-60% of the time since about December now. I honestly just want to have a night or two with my own kids.. if it was his weekend obviously I wouldnt say anything but I just had his daughter for almost 2 weeks straight and now Im made to feel the jerk that I want her to wait until Tuesday. Also i didnt get her Easter things which I feel like a jerk for but I think her mother can ? Im always buying things for her because she takes things hoem and doesnt bring them back and awhile ago her mom came here and took all of her clothing which were things me and her Dad bought AND a ton of things MY FRIEND bought her! I cant seem to softly make him understand without him getting defensive and thinking I hate his daughter. ALso side note ... I know every mom says this but my kids are really quiet and easy and his daughter is rude, misbehaves and is a lot more work and it can honestly be exhaustiing. She has no boundaries either and is always taking over our room and if he says go watch tv in living room or your room etc she will just be like no and he walks away... LOL
If her dad is not there, she
If her dad is not there, she is not there, period. It is rude of him to just assume that he can have her over anytime he wants and you will take care of her, while he goes off to work.
You are not the babysitter and this child is not your responsibility.
Speak up for yourself and put your foot down. Don't feel like a jerk about it, she is NOT your kid.
This, he should not be making
This, he should not be making you feel guilty about not wanting to watch his kid.
If bm lives so close, he can pick her up on his way home from work.
Too late he just called and
Too late he just called and told her my kids will be here tomorrow so she can come... I asked him why he didnt ask me and he said hes got nothing to say about that so whatever
Your kids have nothing to do
Your kids have nothing to do with it. Tell him that you are NOT babysitting their child.
Is he a jerk about a lot of
Is he a jerk about a lot of things, or just this?
This really isn't okay at all
This really isn't okay at all. This child has two parents and you aren't one of them. If dad is working then the kid should be with mom. If mom isn't available then it should be daycare or a babysitter. Especially if dad is supposed to only have EOW time. I'd be pretty annoyed if my husband was paying full child support while having more custody.
Take the child back to bm
My dh tried this tactic before when we were first married. He picked the child up without telling me and expected me to watch her for a week while he worked. I told him I was not comfortable being alone with the child and that I already had my week planned. So, when dh left for work the next day I took the child back to where she came from and went about my business. Dh was mad but I expanined to him again that I want comfortable with the situation and had other things to do that don't involve watching his kid. End of story. He hasn't tried that again. I advise you to do the same. You have better things to do.
Tell him to fix this NOW --
Tell him to fix this NOW ---You can call him back.
IF he refuses--grab a few bags, load up your car and go back to your parents. Are they near by
EDIT to add...Missy your bio kids time with you is for YOU and them...Heck---you wanna know what. I would take myself and my kids somewhere. Sure dh your kid can come over...I wont be here. I am not your or bm's babysitter.
and Im sure as you all
and Im sure as you all realize before I came in the picture obviously nobody was here to watch her while he was at work hence the reason they had that schedule LOL. Since I've moved in he's gone from 6 days to 15-20 days of the month+ ( her Mom only had her 4 days in December and still got full support... which as I mentioned he overpays and she lives at home with her parents ) and she is sneaky too she will show up with her daughter and say she wanted to say hi then she will e like "can i sleep over?" then if he says no he has to work in the morning the BM will yell at him. I think thats the problem is she's always yelling and calling him names and he tries to avoid it while not realizing the stress he is causing me. And its literally because I dont want to be his exes bitch not because I hate their child. She may be annoying sometimes but I do care for her and accept her as a step daughter 100%. Boundaries though man!
Thanks so much for the support everyone xoox
You need to put your foot
You need to put your foot down with him, he needs to put his foot down with BM. She does it because she knows she can. She yells at him and calls him names because she knows it works. If he was going to let BM run his life because of some yelling, he should have just stayed with her.
He needs to be more concerned with how YOU feel than his pushy ex.
This is utter ridiculousness.
This is utter ridiculousness. I recently put my foot down about being expected to care for kids whose mom was perfectly and completely available to do so herself. It's like being a glorified babysitter and you don't even get paid or a favor returned. Visitations are for kids to spend time with their parent.
What if the next time you're in this position, you just pack her up and bring her back to mom's? Maybe just sweetly say, 'Sorry I can't watch her for you this week--I have a lot of work to get done. Meetings and stuff." You could offer for her to come over for dinner (after DH is home) a couple evenings as an olive branch. I feel like the only way to change this is to set your own new precedent--the only person in this scenario you can control is yourself. They can't make you do something you don't want to do.
She is only there during
She is only there during daddy work hours because you facilitate it.
Me too girl!
I am with my stepchild alllll the time. He is 11 so even if I'm not here, my husband thinks he can stay home by himself. His mother doesn't even work.He thinks I'm being a bitch when I ask why he's with me and not her. I feel you but no advice. Bc you clearly don't have a receptive husband. Just like mine.
He thinks I'm being a bitch
He thinks I'm being a bitch when I ask why he's with me and not her.
How are you being a bitch? He is being a jerk, expecting YOU to take care of THEIR kid. Not your responsibility.
I have been with my husband for 23 years (his daughter is now 28), I have spent a total of 4 hours alone with her. Actually, 2, she was sleeping for half of it. He ASKED me if I would watch her for a bit because he had to work one Saturday morning (she was a good kid). It never would have occurred to him to just leave her with me because he felt like it.