Wow... sounds like some one is insecure.

I gotta say I can relate. I get really nervous when Dh is talking to Bm for a period of time that I find is too long. But then, my Sd is three (almost four) and really theres not too much that needs to be discussed when he picks her up. She's not in school, she's healthy, she doesn't have any classes on the weekends and her biggest hurdle is still potty training.

Have you guys thought about a journal? It helps because not only is everything writen down for a quick drop off/ pick up but nothing gets forgotten. It may make his girlfriend feel better. Who knows they could be fighting or something.

Avoid the drama and just pick her and leave, and maybe call him a little later to get filled in. You can't stop her from being insecure, so I would say just keep your distance. No biggie.

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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

That GF is just scare that you want her boyfriend back....she insecure......I would have smile nicely and said I'm getting an up date about our daughter but you are more then welcome to join in I hope you don't mind that I'm here talking about our daughter...thank you for understanding (call her by her name) smile and .....then keep taking to BD about your daughter....maybe in the future she see you as the child mom not the ex wife wanting her boyfriend.....she just is being childlish. Hugs sweetie

Well I am recently married and my DH has a son with his EX and they would have conversations and not include me. That made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt like if i was in this relationship then I should be a part of their discussions if all they were talking about was the child. Maybe he should invite her to be a part of whats going on with your child. I see both sides. my ss is only 4 and he can't deal with his BM on his own yet unfortunately. but my husband does include me in whats going on in a conversation between the two of them now. It makes things alot less complicated and less stressful. I don't feel like there is something still there between the two of them anymore and i don't feel like he is trying to keep things from me. I guess its a whole trust thing. And my past experiences with men have made it extremely hard for me to trust anyone. maybe his GF has had some of the same experiences. You could always include her in whats going on. Don't always leave it up to your ex. If this GF is going to be around for any period of time its only respectable to acknowledge that she is there.

Prime example of the double standards that I myself could very easily be guilty of, as both a BM and an SM.

I'm imagining what I would feel as I'm pulling out of the driveway to go to work, and there is BF and BM standing there talking and catching up on things. Possibly smiling and laughing over their little girl. I feel left out, I feel as though my BF's attention is completely taken off of me and focused on another woman. As I'm driving to work I can't help but think about what all they're talking about, is it just about the child, or could the conversation have led elsewhere? How long is she going to be there?

Insecure much? Of course Yes it's my issue, and something that I only have control over. But this is a woman that he once shared a bed with, once fell in love with, once adored, who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and have children with. This is a woman who by no means is unattractive. He saw something in her that made him want to be with her for the rest of his life (that aint no small thing) - could he ever possibly see that in her again??

Ok...so I don't always feel this way, lol. But there are certain moments where my insecurities surface. I don't think it's abnormal to feel these things. Is it normal for our Husbands to chit chat on a daily basis with just an Ex g/f? Or an Ex wife that he doesn't have children with? Would we be ok with that? Wouldn't we feel atleast 'some' insecurity??? So why does having children suddenly make those same insecurities disappear? It doesn't, IMO. They are still there. The only difference to me is that it might get easier over time, and we *learn* to be ok with it because we *have* to be. We make a concsious decision (sometimes, lol) not to react to it.

Now, on the other side of things. As a BM...you're damn right I'm entitled to discuss issues with the kids with their Father, LOL. And who are you to tell me how long I have or to set rules on my communications with their Father when it concerns the kids. You're just insecure.

Now, look at me, throwing stones in my glass house. It's a two sided street, where the lines aren't black and white. The key to making this work is for BOTH BM and SM to meet in the middle, to understand each other, and to realize that BOTH are valid in the way they feel...and learn to respect each other, and each other's boundaries. It takes TWO to make a relationship work...and that doesn't just apply in a romantic relationship.

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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Things like this make me glad I don't have to deal with this sort of thing. BM and DH communicate mostly during the day when I am at work, and most exchanges happen via daycare or school. When it is DH's day, he picks SD up from daycare.

The way the custody schedule works, the only time they really have to do exchanges is every other Sunday, and BM just picks SD up and goes.

Sometimes they have to do an exchange on the "extra" days, but it's a pick up and go thing. The communication between the two of them is mostly done by phone when I am at work.

It works very well for us. I don't have to deal with her for the most part.

I know not all arrangements can be like this, but it sure makes it easier when it is!

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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

That sucks... I would try the journal idea or maybe emails? Not sure though.
Dh is usually not home when BM comes for SD so I usually get to communicate with BM. I watch and homeschool SD and both Dh's and Bm's day so I know usually what is going on. On the rare times that DH is home when BM comes, it takes both of my feet to kick him out the door to go talk to her. Its actually nice to see them communicate without complete screaming! I would like to think I had something to do with that.

However I have been asked by both BM and DH if I'm present for most conversations ( because lets face it, some one has to be the referee)

However with your situation it sounds like GF might have some jealous issues.

Just call me Cleopatra everybody, 'cause I'm the Queen of Denial