This is going to be long so brace yourself. Thank you in advance for reading my story. Here is some backstory...I married my husband when I was 21 years old. He had a 2yr old boy and 4yr old girl from a previous marriage. When we met he was separated from his wife and after the divorce was finalized she lost her mind and dedicated her life to brainwashing her kids to think I am the devil. It was a very nasty divorce and we battled for 4 years to get custody of his kids from that psycho and finally now have joint custody. In those four years the kids have had psychological and behavioral issues (anorexia with the girl, weight issues, the mom shaving the girls legs when she was six, mom telling the girl she needs braces and needs to change herself, mom puts them in diapers at night even though they are nine and seven years old now. The boy has really bad ADD and won't listen and they both lie alot. The list goes on and on...) my husband since the divorce has been blind to these issues and refuses to believe there is anything wrong and has issues disciplining them and I always end up having to do it so I always look like the bad guy. This has put a major strain on the kids and my relationship as well as my relationship with my husband.

Now I have an 11 month old daughter and I hate my stepkids being around her. I don't want their negativity and bad behavior to rub off on her as well as the negativity from their mother. I have tried to let things slide and let them interact with the baby, but they don't follow my rules and the girl ends up trying to play mom to my daughter and the boy has said multiple disturbing things about my daughter dying. So I don't let them hold her or even play with her since they can't listen to my instructions or respect me as a stepparent. My husband doesn't understand why I do the things I do and is blind to all of the issues. We fight daily about discipline. I know I need to let them be involved but I'm so worried about the kids hating me and trying to be around my daughter at the same time. If they can't respect me I don't think they should be involved with my daughter. I don't know how to address this any better with my husband and I can't keep being the bad guy in our relationship I feel like it's too late to have a cohesive relationship wth my blended family and have considered divorce to save myself and my family the stress. On top of the family stress we have all the stress with his ex which causes more and more resentment. I need some help from other blended families on how to deal with this. I love my husband but I can't stand always feeling like I'm the issue in our family. No one is open to counseling either. Please help sorry this is so scattered.