My step children are causing me serious anxiety
HI I am new to this. I have been married to my husband almost two years now. He has two children from a previous marriage ages 11 girl, and 14 boy. I myself was a single parent to my daughter for the first eight years of her life. My daughter has cerebral palsey and epilepsy. Lately it seems the kids are really stressing me out. The 14 year old is a really good kid, smart good at school. But he is the laziest kid I have ever met, and Ive been working with children for 14 years! He recently got all electronics taken away for being on them until 1am. He would get on after we fell asleep. Then he started sneaking his Ipod and lied right to his dads face about it. THis morning I saw he took a pop( he has braces and isn't supposed to drink it) and they are his dads for work. I know he snuck the pop because he knew I was busy with my daughters stretches and wouldn't notice, but I did....I notice EVERYTHING ALL the time! I hate it! Sometimes I just wish I didn't care care so much! So what if he took a pop right? But the fact he planned it around me being busy makes me so angry. He has lost trust with both of us and is supposed to be earning it back but stealing a pop isn't helping. I wish I just never seen it.
Sounds like a normal kid to
Sounds like a normal kid to me. Most kids lie, and most will sneak behind your back to do something they're not supposed to do.
STILL doesn't make it ok or
STILL doesn't make it ok or acceptable!!! Making excuses for that kind of behavior is part of the problem with kids these days!
It's that kind of thinking
It's that kind of thinking right there that can cause issues..
Yes, normal kids lie, do stuff they aren't supposed to, sneak, etc.
I get that..
However, it doesn't make it ok, nor does it really make it something to stop the world and go nuts about..
But the kid does know he shouldn't have it and did it anyways.. it needs addressed. Add to that the fact that he was a sneak about it, and well, there needs a consequence - not an "oh well, not a big deal."
I know what you mean by "you notice everything".. I think that's the whole mom curse because I am the same way..
And from my experiences as a step mom I can tell you that curse will not do you any good.. I notice things like; dry toothbrushes when the kids say they brushed their teeth, that it's 9:15 and bedtime was at 9:00 - why are they still up, or video games are limited to an hour of play each time and he's been on for almost 2.. and I'm called picky and looking for things to bitch about.. yea, well, your kids give me plenty - I don't have to look.. lol
Sounds like it's time for 2
Sounds like it's time for 2 things: Dad needs to step up and enforce punishment and you need to completely disengage for your own sanity.
Your SS sounds exactly like
Your SS sounds exactly like mine. Believe me I know how annoying it is. SS then 13 once took a chocolate bar without asking, lied about it, and only got caught out when DH later came across the wrapper concealed in his money box. It became hard to appreciate the positives in terms of his being sensitive and very smart at school when he was so incredibly lazy and sullen. He would spend entire days on the Xbox with the curtains drawn, only coming out to moan about his chores and be bossy with my then 3 and 5 year olds. All typical teen behaviour, but in an intact family there would be some healthy push back from the parents to keep the attitude and laziness in check occasionally, but of course in a 'blended' family the bioparent is uber tolerant and conflict averse, leaving the stepparent to become increasingly frustrated and resentful.
Eventually SS and I fell out in a big way over his attitude and he applied all his brains and sensitivity to developing a tremendous grudge against me, while conveniently forgetting all the years of care and attention. DH behaved as a neutral mediator between two equals, thus giving credibility to SS's withdrawal from our home, and later graduated to judge and jury, convicting me of alienating his son and causing the rift. We nearly divorced. With hindsight I wish I'd just put more effort into ignoring his antisocial behaviour and being pleasant but uninvolved. It would have been a lot better than the painful rift that resulted from my efforts.
Didn't say it was okay, but a
Didn't say it was okay, but a kid lying or sneaking isn't anything out of the ordinary.
You are describing my nearly
You are describing my nearly 14 year old.Although a good kid he became a bit sneaky and is very much into has electronics- he is as well on a break off them.
However I am his BM and this makes it far easier for me to still love him and believe in him.If I would be his SM I would be stressed and anxious , too.
Make sure you take some breaks of the skids - you don't have to replace the Bparents- try to relax!
I know how you feel. I have 2
I know how you feel. I have 2 skids. My SS12 is always being sneaky and I do know it's pretty normal. However, being a step mom, especially one that's disengaged like me, it's really frustrating to see. I've worked with children all my adult life, plus have two older ones of my own. I, too, see EVERYTHING where my DH is oblivious to much of it. I also think it's a womanly motherly instinct to know all. Since I can't really reprimand my own Skids, I get to feeling so stressed. With my own children, I would easily call them out but I've chosen to step back and let DH handle his own children. They are disrespectful towards me and plus, I don't really like being around them so I'm afraid almost everything they do drives me nuts. I just hate it though when I KNOW they are being sneaky or lying and my DH misses a lot of these situations. Then it's up to me to tell DH what just happened. I hate that! I feel like a tattle tale. My skids get away with a lot at BM's because she is always preoccupied with other things and there is only one parent there. They come to our house and there are two adults around most of the time.
That's the same in our
That's the same in our household. My DH always always says he doesn't see anything, or just takes their bold face lies as truth. It makes me fume!!
Ativan and plenty of it!
Ativan and plenty of it!
I second that lol
I second that lol
I deal with every bit of this
I deal with every bit of this with SS13 and get total resistance and attitude, same with SD19 when she lived with us. Where with BS9, BD9, and BD12 I seldom get resistance and attitude. They just know better, and fortunately that just came with properly raising them to be good respectable people. And yes the "SEE EVERYTHING" is a curse!!! I have chosen to disconnect from SS13 for the safety of me and my kids, hopefully getting him into counseling will help.