Has anyone tried counceling?
I am so incredibly grateful I have found this site but a little mortified. Let me start off with some history, I recently married my boyfriend of 4 years. When we met his son was two and was already out of control. His mother is the same and has even assaulted me in front of our children. I have three kids from my previous marriage. This child has broken things, hit my children stolen from us and lies every chance he gets. He was kicked out of pre k 3 times before they had to medicate him and his mother kept trying to do anything to get him to act somewhat normal. She went to doctor after doctor and several told her it was a behavioral issue but she didn't stop until someone diagnosed him with ADHD and sensory processing disorder. She will not accept that she is the major reason her son is the way he is and opening up a nice can of whoop ass can solve a lot of her problems. She is crazy and her son is picking up on all her bad habits. It got to the point where we would not allow the child to come over, on his weekends. I didn't want his son here and we went over a year doing this. I guess in order to get me to marry him he convinced me that the boy was better, and although he has made leaps and bounds to how he was before, I hate the site of this child. In my eyes he may not be cussing at us every chance he gets, but he tries to manipulate my kids to do bad things, he lies and makes up things to cause fights between my husband and he has no respect for authority. This past weekend he pulled his pants down in front of my girls to get a rise out of them and they were mortified. And of course they don't want to spank him because it only causes him to get angry so they talk to him instead. I feel like his mother has told him to make up stuff to tell his father to cause fights. The worse part is that my husband doesn't believe me and will believe his son over me when he tells him I cussed at him or made dirty faces. None of which I have ever done. He told his father I bully him and he feels left out. My children do not want to play with him and are tired of him before he even walks through the door. So yes he does get left out because of his behavior. I will not force my kids to play with someone like him. My children have been raised to respect and be kids. Yes they are kids and they do act out but not to the degree of this child. My problem is this, I am more than happy to leave and go do things with my kids or spend the weekend at my moms when his son is here, but my husband insist we have to live as a family and love each other. He keeps making me feel bad for not loving his son and blames me for his son being the way he is when he is here. He tells me I do not love him if I don't love his child and he wants to go to therapy to prove me wrong. I feel I shouldn't have to be around when he makes my kids miserable and he is constantly lying about things I have not done. It is only a matter of time before these lies become an even greater issue. Has anyone experienced this from their spouse? And has anyone ever been to therapy for it? At this point since we haven't even been married a year I am ready to throw in the towel and cut my losses. I cannot allow my children and myself to live in misery.
Well there's a couple of
Well there's a couple of things...first are three words: Record that shit; get a nanny cam because this boy's accusations against you will only get worse if your husband already believes his petty lies now. Get ready for CPS.
Your DH should stop making you feel like you have to love his son as he does. It doesn't work like than and 95% of the time ends up in backlash. Going to a therapist will actually enlighten him on that if you get one worth his degree. Another thing is that you are not responsible for his behavior in any Gosh Darn way and your DH is projecting his own guilt and lack of parenting onto you. It probably happens whenever your kids are obviously well mannered than his own like in public or family function where your DH knows his kids behavior is being compared to your own. It's a dick move and again a good therapist will tell him he's wrong for making you feel this way. As for not being able to leave...well he won't change his parenting if you keep dealing with both of their crap. Go to your moms, enjoy your kids, let your kids be happy and eventually your DH will step up and be his son's parent so that he's presentable to the public OR y'all split up.
You might want to consider disengaging completely. You seem like you want to and you really can't care for a child more than his own parents. It'll leave you ragged and your kids with a bitter, tired frustrated "you" that they don't deserve. For what it's worth you and your DH might should go see a therapist, there have been posters on here with therapist with great advice for the DHs who think it's the SM but really they have blinders on or are gaslighting SM for their own failures as parents.
My husband is great and I
My husband is great and I love him. The only conflict we have is with his child. Who I didn't mention before is maybe not even biologically his. My father died earlier this year and I was going through a really hard time and jumped the gun with my husband. I agree I shouldn't have. But also my husband lied about his sons behavior. I have confronted him about this before but it only causes more fights.
This line got to me too, "he
This line got to me too, "he wants to go to therapy to prove me wrong." That sounds particularly biting and hurtful, and it just goes to prove he believes many of these myths himself about if something is wrong with the kid it must be SM's fault, etc. When, in reality, it is exactly the opposite--bios are generally to blame for the child acting out, both mom and dad, and, sounds like in this case too, some physiological issues with the child as well. I'd advise counseling too, if anything, for yourself to sort out some of these issues and due to the fact that your own husband is trying to make you the scapegoat. And, yes, please see someone who is used to dealing with step- issues. It takes an expert to fully understand the dynamics of a step-family.
Do not get married. Too many
Do not get married. Too many red flags. your SO will always stand up for his son before you. It will only get worse as the boy gets older and better at lying and manipulating. Your DD's should not be subjected to this little tyrant. Your job is to raise your DD's in a happy, healthy environment - what is going on now is the exact opposite of that.
Get your own safe place for you and your DD's. Find a therapist who specializes in step family dynamics. You may just find out this situation is not worth it after all.
Yep, about 7mos worth during
Yep, about 7mos worth during the end of my first marriage. It actually helped make the process tolerable for me. It only staved off the inevitable for about 5mos but it helped me get back in touch with the Rags I like being and helped me to leave that toxic cavern crotch skank whore far in my rear view mirror.