i know how you feel, i have been there before, and im sure i'll be there again. the concept of disengaging is good..stay that way.
breathe, listen to your music, go for a walk. my personal advice, dont tell your husband how to deal with his kids anymore, it will be you in trouble. even if youare 100% right and you know your advice will make those kids better people, THEY ARE NOT YOUR KIDS.
simply dont allow the kids to be disrespectful to you or yours, to your stuff or your house and definetely stop wrapping gifts for them, let daddy do that. step aside and do not do stuff for those kids (apart from making food for them when they are around, smile and be there for your husband)...set some limits now that they are young...im telling you that from experience, it get a lot harder later when they have more manipulating powers on the guilty strings of their fathers.
the other advice: counseling! good luck!

Hi Peaceful,

I totally understand where you are coming from. I myself had worked with children for many years & when I met my SKids, I was mortified by SKids behavior that was accepted AND justified when I first met my SO. They were 5 & 6 but had very few age appropriate behaviors & acted more like unruly toddlers.

If you think about it, having SKids is much different than nieces, nephews or even students. Students get sent home at the end of the day & your rules in the classroom should be followed. Nieces & nephews spend time with you & you have your own set of acceptable behavior & rules for them to follow...in my case, my nieces & nephews behaved FAR better for me than they ever did/do for their own parents. SKids...they are in your home (EOWE in your case, all day, every day in mine)...having children behave like wild animals when you have no say (at least for me) was a deal breaker...I couldn't handle it & I had to put my foot down with my SO, MIL & SO's friends.

My Skids are now an extension of me...when people see us out & about, it isn't just SO that is their parent...I am too. They look more like me than him because the 3 of us wear glasses...people assume that they are mine. I had to tell my SO that there is NO WAY that I would lay "claim" or ownership of ill behaved, screaming, cretin like children.

Although I love children & enjoy being around them, I had a lot of difficulty bonding with my own SKids at first because I simply could not & would not accept their horrendous behavior.

My SO for quite awhile denied that there were issues...I proved him & MIL wrong on many occassions & told him that I would pick ONE behavior per child to work on...progressing through time to making them children with age-appropriate behavior, manners & responsibilities.

Yes, there were fights, SO attempted to "protect" them from me (which was a joke...I never laid a hand on them, ever) & we had many discussions where I reminded him that if he felt that I was a danger to his kids, that we did not need to be together.

3 years later, he likes the children that they have become & works with me to maintain their behaviors. It took awhile & was not easy, but I can now go into public (most of the time) & not feel ashamed of the children that are in my company.

Again, it's not an easy road but one I would travel again if I had the opportunity. Best of luck to you!

Your hubby needs to stop being a

DISNEY DAD and put some real BOOTS on..

He is doing no justice by allowing bad behavior...

This can and will distroy your marriage...

You are thinking clear..teacher or no teacher...

Tell him to stop feeling "bad" boo hoo and start being a ROLE MODEL..

Peaceful, if you have a chance, take a look at my last thread "marrying a man with a daughter." There is a lot of good advice from other users. It sounds like you have a guilty daddy on your hands (just like my fiance.) This is a list that was shared with me by alwaysanxious-

Here are some classic signs of "guilty daddy." These men make their CHILDREN their spouses and can not establish a healthy adult relationship because of it.
RUN!!
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night/morning)
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habis, eating habits, bedtime habits?
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.

It says if you can answer yes to any of the questions, you should run and I answered yes to 9 out of 11. smh. I feel your pain!!