Is This Selfish
I have known my husband for 3 years now. We've been married for only 1. When we met he told me that he had 3 kids. The 5 year old and 3 year old he gets every other weekend and a 10 year old that he sees about once or twice a year. The little ones I have come to get along with since I've been around most of their lives. About a month ago, BM of the 10 year old decided that he needed to come stay for a while this summer. I felt some kind of way because I am teacher and look forward to my summers. I also have a hard time with someone else telling me what I HAVE or NEED to do. We kept the 2 little ones all of June so that month was gone. We did get to travel some in July. Now on my last few weeks of summer here comes this child that I have NEVER seen or spoken to just because BM found out he was married. Now she's trying to persuade him into keeping the little boy for the school year. I have not said anything to him either way but I really am not in agreement. I feel like it would be a huge responsibility on ME. I would have to do all the things parents do like preparing breakfast, doing HW in the afternoons, preparing clothes and extracurriculum things that tend to fall into Mom's laps. I feel that I shouldn't be forced to raise a child or children just because I married their father. When we met he said "I have visitation of the kids NOT full custody." If BM wasn't able to raise the child, that's one thing but I feel that this is not the case and I don't want to be forced into it. I don't have any kids of my own and realize that I REALLY enjoy our quiet time. I want to enjoy this time as newlyweds. I look forward to having my own biological kids one day and I have no problem dealing with them because I made the choice to have them but I didn't make any step kids and I don't want to be made to raise them. Is this selfish or normal fo new stepparents?
I don't think you are being
I don't think you are being selfish and it is understandable that you want to spend time alone with your husband. I also don't think that you are being very realistic. Marrying a man with 3 children and having had 2 of them every other weekend and a third a couple of times a year....you have been pretty lucky : )
Nothing should be pushed on you, but summers are not free for most moms or people in general. Again, your feelings are legitimate, but in the real world, especially with 3 stepchildren, summers are no longer a long vacation.
The first day he was here and
The first day he was here and DH went to work. He was up at 8AM playing video games and continued to bg me about playing them and a million other questions. "When is Dad oming home?" "Why won't you play games with me?" "Can I call my Dad?" And on and on and on. In between his questions I found a Day Camp that he started the VERY next day. I've had to pick him up in the evenings but that is so much better than answering 1,000 questions during the day.
If youve been with your dh
If youve been with your dh for 3 years how is it that you've never even spoken to this child? I agree, how weird for the child to come and live with strangers. If bm wants a change of custody (and you have to wonder what is going on that she wants to send him to two people he doesnt really know)then I do not think this needs to be a snap decision-unless as someone else mentioned it was some sort of safety issue for the kid. The transition into your home should ideally be slow, strucutred, some outside help with a therapist perhaps would be helpful for all-but just to dump this kid at your house is awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved and IMO kind of sets you all up for failure.
Saying that your feelings are
Saying that your feelings are selfish or not is a judgement and not one that anyone but you should make. I understand your feelings, especially not wanting to be told that you NEED/HAVE to do something. That always pisses me off. But at the same time, if I were in your shoes I would talk honestly to my husband. I would tell him how I felt and see if there was a compromise or a way to make things work out so that you all feel comfortable. 7 years ago I got a 9 year old SD dropped in my lap with no warning or time to react, luckily it turned out pretty well for 6 years. You never how it will work out or how your feelings might change...Good luck to you.