Approaching mental meltdown!
Okay so ive messaged on here a few times. Just in need of a vent, so bare with me. My partner and i have an amazing relationship, we agree on parenting techniques, what we want from the future and talk everything through before making decisions. He and i have both decided on visitation with his two BD, but have been met with a brick wall from the BM.
I struggle with kids at the best of times, but over the last two weeks the BM has made our lives impossible. I have alot going on in my own personal life, but the BM is just adding to things. Recently ive been emotionally drained, incredibly anxious (bordering on panic attacks when she calls) and depressed. The BM has been throwing around accusations, not taking on board any of our suggestions and wants. Even going so far as to refuse visitation altogether. I've been on the brink twice recently to just walk away from things altogether, the only thing stopping me is my amazing partner. He would do anything for me and my daughter, aswell as his own. We have mutual respect and alot of love in our house.
All we have been asking for is a little give and take. So to get some space i'm moving out on the weekends to stay with my parents so that i can get some perspective and hopefully get my emotional issues sorted, whilst my partner is going to start legal proceedings to hopefully get some regularity and cohesiveness with his children and the ex. Everything just feels so overwhelming and i really dont know what to do. Am i doing the right thing by still giving things a chance and distancing myself from everything? Sorry if this doesnt make much sense, but my head isnt either.
Your torment is my every day
Your torment is my every day life. I've contemplated the same things. My first question is, how long have you BD been together? Is BM threatened by your relationship? 90% of the time the answer to the second question is yes. Knowing that your partner is standing strong and clearly from your post wants you to stand strong by his side is a good sign. The hardest advice to hear is to detach from his legal issues as far as visitation goes and BM's antics to drive you both crazy. Don't detach from your partner, show him the support, love, and courage he needs, but detach from being emotional about BM's actions. If you continue to struggle with BM's actions, you will drown in your own emotions, and BM's thrive on making new partners/wives miserable. They didn't want BD but no one else should have them either. Its a vicious cycle. Your partner is doing the right thing handling the visitations legally. He should be strict on outlining an "Appropriate Communications Guideline" a "First Right of Refusal Clause" and any other Guideline or Clause that suits your specific case. I've been battling this for a year now, and my Skids BM finally filed paperwork to "Modify Visitation and Support"...which she will lose, but thats another blog for another time. I'm restless and sleepless after BM came to pick up the Skids today, full of accusations, derogatory comments, demeaning language, and belittling behavior...something they apparently teach women during childbirth. It will get better. If you feel you must detach by leaving for the weekend, that is 100% your decision, I say try a little longer. Try repeating this in your head when BM gets the best of you.... "You don't belong, you don't belong"....repeat it until you forget why you are saying it over and over again in your head. Find something else to focus on - something that brings you unlimited joy and comfort - for me its my pets (I don't have any BC). And vent here whenever you need, it does truly help even if you don't like the advice you get. One other tip...if BM hits nerves over and over again, and you don't feel you can express your anger in a healthy communication style, keep a journal. Write exactly what you feel, what you'd love to say, and let it all out. No one will read it but you, but I guarantee, once the emotions are out on paper, you won't even feel it anymore..its refreshing!
Its definitely not good and
Its definitely not good and am aware that we should not give her too much power. Went to the doctor and been put on beta blockers to control my anxiety. Since taking them i feel alot better and more positive, i'm definitely not going to jump back into things. Thankyou for the support. Best of luck windee its the worst feeling in the world.