Just cant get along
Hi me and my partner have a 19 month old baby together and she has a 10 year old boy who lives with us permantley and does not see his dad but does see his gran.
I have been with my partner for 3 years and at 1st things were great between me and her son. I took him to his 1st football match, pictures, swiming, bowling, baught presants all the usual things his real dad never done for him.
Nowadays, horrible as it sounds, i cant stand him. His attitude towards me and his mum is digusting. He has to be told countless times to do a simple task like put school bag away. He talks to us like dirt, that is if he even talks to me atal. He thinks he can do what he wants and not get punished.
Whenever i give him a row or a warning my partner gets on at me in front of him and lets him away to do what he wants. If i try talk to him all i get is attitude. I try and try to make effort and have a laugh with him but he just acts as though im doing something wrong.
The other day i picked him up for school and when we were walking home i was trying to tell him something and he just gave me this attitude and said he wasnt intrested ( even though was about holiday i was booking for us all) and looked away from me. So i tap him on shoulder and tell him to look at me and tell him to drop the attitude. He was fine rest of way home till his mum came into room and he comes out and says that i shouted at him in park and hit him on shoulder. I was fumming and told him to tell truth but he wouldnt and obviusly his mum took his side so i left. Next day he told her what realy happend and i came home but im still angry as this not the 1st time he has excagerated what has happened to make me out to be the evil stepdad, when realy im the 1 workin non stop to buy all these xbox games he gets but doesnt deserve.
Me and his mum are at breaking point because she thinks im not making effort when realy ive gave up i actually dont know what to say to him anymore because i know he going to give me grief.
I booked the holiday and we go next month and i would love this to stop by then because there will be alot of family there aswell and i would be realy embarresed if this was to happen in front of them.
Also he always talks like a baby when we have company round and it is driving us crazy does any1 have any suggestions to sort all this please help because i cabt take anymore.
I have tried to tell mum not
I have tried to tell mum not to do it in front of him but she turns it all around as though im horrible to him and that is not the case, i just want a little respect in the house.
Yes he knows im not dad he did see his dad occasionaly till a couple years ago but still sees his granmother on that side.
When i try talk to him he not intrested. He used to really look up to me and now it feels as though he hates me and all i have been is nice to him.
It hurts and is ruining my relationship with his mum, who also needs to take a step back and see what is happening.
The baby is the real issue
The baby is the real issue here, and it's obvious because your SS has started talking like a baby again. He's jealous and doing all these things for attention, because he feels left out. Kids will do things to get attention and that includes bad things, because any attention is better than none. One way to help him adjust and give him a greater sense of family is to tell him that the baby is his too and allow him to help w/the baby. Does he hold the baby or feed her? Teach him how. Also make him feel the baby needs him too, and that as his big brother he has to look after her.
The same thing happened to my best friend. After she had her daughter, her 9 year old son reverted to talking like a baby. She told him what I mentioned above and made him feel that the baby needed him too. Soon he was back to his old self and to this day, he's crazy about and still refers to her as his baby sister . . even though she's 30 years old.
Also, stop having discussions about him in front of him. Whenever possible, only discuss issues regarding him in private. He's trying to drive a wedge between the two of you, and since he sees it's working, he'll only continue his antics. It also time to pull back on the spending. Make him earn his gifts. If he wants the latest Xbox-992.32 that cost $400, make him earn it by doing chores around the house, being more respectful, etc. It's time he learned character building and the value of things.
When you spoil kids, they never learn the value of working hard for the things they want, and grow up expecting life to be easy because it's what they're used to. They develop a sense of entitlement and when they can't get what they want, they sometimes go the illegal route. OT here, but I have 2 family members who made this mistake. Gave the boys everything they ever wanted. The boys are now men and both are in prison for a long time.
Also, make sure your GF makes time to do thing alone with her son such as going to the mall, dinner, arcade, movies, etc., while someone else watches the baby. She should do this on a regular basis. This will allow her to continue to bond w/SS and give them privacy to have discussions they need to have. Finally, don't allow these issues to cause you to throw in the towel on your relationship. You can overcome this and your family needs you.
Good luck.