That's not normal in my world, but sadly, I don't think it's all that uncommon from what I read here.

I personally could not live with that situation.  If I'm contributing financially, providing care, providing love, cooking/cleaning/doing laundry for the family, I'd damn well better be treated like a family member.  My SO's kids are younger than your BF's kids, which might make it easier.  I spend more time with the kids than SO does, because I work part time and he works full time, and between the two of us, they usually run to me first.  I feel like a family member.  If there's a function at school or a sporting event or whatever, I go along with them and if BM is there, we'll wave and say hi, but she's not part of OUR family.  She's the mom, and when the kids are with her they are their own little family, but when they're with us I'm part of the family and she is not.  To me that is normal.  I can't think of a time when he's gone somewhere with the kids without inviting me to go along.  If I'm home eating dinner alone while they're out, it's because I chose to be.  

When we have a birthday party, or a kid event like a soccer game, BM and her family are going to be there, and I'm OK with that (SO and BM are friendly and cooperative).  Early on in our relationship I put my foot down about holidays and other excessive "BM and Family" involvement.  Interestingly, it was a Halloween party and then trick-or-treating that put me over the edge.  I told SO he was welcome to spend holidays with BM and family, and to have her go trick-or-treating with them, but if that was what he chose to do, I was out.  The BM and Family interactions have lessened greatly.

Have you and your boyfriend discussed your role?  I'm assuming from your nanny/cook/maid comment that you're living together.  Do you plan to get married?  Is your relationship at a point where you would expect to be treated as a family member?  If it is, and he's not treating you that way, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.  If it's more that he has failed to put up boundaries where BM is concerned, you might want to insist on that.  If your BF is not treating you as part of the family, there's no way you can expect the kids to do so.  This is totally on him, and I think a relationship talk is in order.  If you are never going to make it to the inner circle, better to find out sooner rather than later.  Two years seems like long enough to know where the relationship (with all of them) is going.

Nope. Not normal. If he wants to do family things with his ex and ex family, he should have stayed married. 

At least you are being 'allowed' to go to the zoo... I'm sure it will be a blast and not awkward at all...

No, you're not crazy. Please do not marry this man until he starts caring about your discomfort.

While I was about to write the school carnival with BM being there was a public school event in which she can attend, no stopping her from that et et, I decided to reread your last posting when you finished this current post with 'I'm tired, I feel crazy"

That last post was "I'm exhausted".  Between the 'one big happy family' outing scheduled for Halloween and your previous post, I'm asking myself as to just how much longer you're going to keep hanging in there instead of getting out of this relationship and finding a man that appreciates you, you can have a child with and will not take advantage of you?

You're doing all the hard lifting for this guy when it comes to his kids and he's prancing out the door playing family with BM. No wonder you feel like the nanny. That's exactly how you're being treated. You do the work, Daddy get the 'fun' things time. Sure, during the school year it must seem like it's worth it, as you have just your boyfriend except for the EOWE... but that isn't near as often as it sounds to have him as he works 6 thirteen days a week. 

And when you try and speak to him about your feelings, you get in return "you're being emotional because you're tired"? 

You're seriously cheating yourself in quality of life. Life is far too precious and short to be some guys nanny, cook, maid and booty call.

Yeah, I know, I didn't write a darn thing as to helpful advice , but between your two forum postings, this is something you're going to have to settle for or rethink your relationship. This man is telling you exactly who he is, and that little voice in your head, the one that had you coming here this evening is very slowly telling you this isn't Mr Right. 

Who knows. Perhaps couples counseling could help him see how unfair and disrespectful he's being towards you. 

Per your title: YES, you are crazy.  But not in the way he's telling you that you are.

You are crazy to watch someone else's kids all summer (one of which has encopresis!!) just because you happen to have a job that makes you free all summer. BM and DH don't have to pay for child care, that's awesome for them! And you spend the entire summer break dealing with their kids.

And then to top it off, you aren't even treated as a valued partner, but as an annoying and needy nanny, who for some reason wants to tag along with the REAL family, which is your BF and BM.

I'll be straight - he's using you.  Please get out.

Why did you not go to the carnival at school? Were you not invited? Your partner is supposed to be setting an example for his kids as to what a loving, respectful marriage /partnership looks like... And this isn't it..

How did he present the carnival situation to you? Did he actually say you were to stay at home? Did you ask if you could go?

Yea, I see the problem here...you're half in and half out and you're only in for the crap the bio parents don't want to do.

I say start planning events with skids that aren't on BM's schedule. Instead of events at the school, where BM knows what's happening, try events at your church or community events -- things BM wouldn't already know about and that are on your turf.

You can do this without telling your BF why you're doing it and see if it works. Or you can be honest and tell him you want some time without BM because it's always awkward for you. If he doesn't understand why it's awkard, I'd start thinking over the relationship.

Regardless, you'll see how amenable he is to cutting BM out of social events. You can't cut her out completely, but you can at least see if you can get a life that sometimes doesn't include her.

He’s one big loser/user. You will not have a happy life with this man no matter how much you love him. 

You are the beck and call girl.  If you don’t like it,  put this parental loser and his entire shallow and polluted gene pool fading in your rear view mirror.

Take care of you.