Attachment issues with BS
I am having attachment issues with BS1. I spend two days alone with him, my husband spends another two, and he's in daycare 3 days a week. Whenever it's all three of us together, my husband is more so the main care taker. I'll do all the bathing, feeding, cooking, cleaning, I just don't overalls enjoy that one on one time. I like to be alone.
The days I am home alone with him, I sometimes find myself crying if he is having a tantrum day (one after another). I had post partum depression and I'm not sure if it has gone away or if this is just my personality.
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Yes I do realize, hence why I
Yes I do realize, hence why I posted about it.
You might follow-up with your
You might follow-up with your doctor, but you've got your hands super full with long work weeks. Add a toddler and a DH? I imagine that you do cherish your "alone" time. Some of us need more solo time than others.
I wonder if this feeling of disengagement is simply how you roll ... not everyone feels mothering the same way. Remember when you were worried about how you filled your quality mom-BS time with shopping? Maybe it was really just another way of distancing yourself. (You know, shopping can be an outward directed activity rather than playing pattycake at a park with BS).
I had a boss who loved her BD, but swore she was a much better mother with a nanny, a babysitter and a 60 hour workweek. Now, this boss was also a bit OCD who would alphabetize her pantry, so maybe she put too much pressure on herself when she was one-on-one with her daughter.
I didn't read her previous
I didn't read her previous blog but I can say that for a while I worried about this for myself with BD, because it seemed like I was doing things with BD but not doing direct interaction things with BD, or, if I attempted it, it seemed really pointless. Part of it was because I didn't really spend much time around babies to know what to do in terms of filling our interaction time (while it seemed some of my friends who have been around children were super-mommies when it came to playing with their kids) but when I talked to my mom, I found out my mom also wondered about that for me and my sister--she came to the conclusion that babies under a year and a half are just kind of blobs and not really interactive, so for practicality oriented people, it seemed sort of futile to interact with a blob that doesn't seem to really interact back. After she hit a year and a half though, the interacting thing became much more natural because that's what she was--a super interactive little person.
I started taking her to the park and letting her play with other kids while I sat and watched her--I found this to be a better use of our time.
But for a long time I felt super guilty about not interacting with BD constantly--it seemed like I was just so busy getting her to eat, cleaning the house, cleaning her, etc.
I was also not the kind of person (and people don't really talk about this) to have fallen in love (or felt anything towards her, really) when she was just born. I didn't have that "love at first sight" so many women talk about. I had a strong sense of responsibility but not a lovey-dovey feeling. It had to develop and it was only three months after that I woke up one day and was like, I LOVE THIS LITTLE THING MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. It was really strange. DH was the same way, it took him about 3 months until he also woke up one day and went, "HOLY SHIT I LOVE HER SO MUCH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF."
I spoke with my OBGYN thinking something was wrong with me but he said some women and men need to grow the love rather than suddenly feeling it (might have had, hormonally, something to do with having an emergency c-section instead of a regular birth) and as long as I wasn't sad, unhappy, or not taking care of myself/my child, to just let it come naturally instead of forcing it. I've been following that advice since and I found it worked for me.
Follow up with a doctor.
Follow up with a doctor. Sounds like the PPD is still present.
I also second following up
I also second following up with your doctor about PPD and gaining some skills on how to deal with tantruming toddlers. I can't even stand it when my daughter is throwing a tantrum (sets my teeth on edge) and I read (and tested and found it to be true) that the moment she starts throwing a tantrum to just walk away to another room and close the door. We started doing this at a little less than a year old, and she barely throws tantrums anymore. It's frustrating for little kids too because they can't really verbalize or show what's bothering them, on top of their own hormones/chemicals in their bodies trying to regulate their emotions, so everything for them is amplified. Hugs.
my DD19months is number 3 for
my DD19months is number 3 for me. It isn't easier if you had kids before either. Each child is different, if you had ppd, I'd go to the dr.
I get frustrated with DD because I have spent years now with older children, my older two are 14 and 10. So I got use to a kid who can entertain themselves. DD wants my attention 24/7. She is sitting on me as I type. I have to look around her head to even see.
I work from home so I have one on one time 24/7. DH comes home and says he's tired, eats, takes a shower, sits on the couch then goes to bed. So I'm frustrated too. DD loves to throw a fit if I say NO or put her down.
A toddler tantrum is awful.
Kids need attention, they
Kids need attention, they just often need you to sit right on the floor and play with them. It is incredibly mind numbing boring. The stage passes.