Advice please - fastly losing my temper with BMand her Bullsh*t
Hi, my partner and I wish to take his daughter on holiday abroad next year. Her mother was going to take her on a separate holiday (also abroad - next year) however she has now stated that she is not taking her because she doesn't want us to either! She claims that she will miss her too much if we take her on holiday for a week.
She constantly tells my partner that he needs to see their daughter more and yet when he asked for 50/50 time she claimed he needed to be 'realistic' as that means she will 'hardly see her'.
She is constantly trying to dictate rules for their daughter at OUR house.
I have numerous times to reassure BM that I am not trying to replace her but she still continues to do these things.
I feel like as soon as we make any kind of progress, that she suddenly has issues.
I am an extremely patient woman and have always followed BM's lead out of respect but I've had enough now.
She is not playing fair and I am at the end of my ever shortening tether.
I appreciate it must be really hard for her to accept the changes of a blended family but it is not ok to do this.
Sorry for the long post - I cant talk to my partner about it as it causes him so much stress and upset.
I just wish she could see that its not just us that she's hurting, it's her daughter too!
Just to add - there is no contact order or residency order in place as it is/was an amicable agreement on shared care and both parent have parental responsibility but DSD lives with BM.
I think it would be helpful
I think it would be helpful if you let your SO deal with his EX.
All the placating words from you that you aren't trying to be the mother will fall on deaf ears.
As far as the 50/50 vs other custody time, he should ask her what she had in mind when she said he needed to see the child more.
As to the vacation, I would have him press her to allow him to take her on vacation. Perhaps if they compromise in other areas that can be worked out.
Time for SO to get to court
Time for SO to get to court for a CO so he can enforce is rights and counter BM manipulative bullshit.
How old is your husbands
How old is your husbands daughter?
What does the court order say about vacations? IF the court remained silent about this it is time to change it.
In the mean time---you owe nothing to your husbands ex. You don't have to talk to her or plead with her that YOU are not trying to take over as the child's mom.
Stay away from her, do not take her calls, do not friend her on social media.
When you and your husband realize BM has no power in your home it is then, you will see the scales IN your home become more balanced.
Google low contact parenting AND Parallel parenting.
Hang in there---you and dh can make this better. One step at a time. First step is place a huge wall around your marriage and your home.
My boyfriends BM will call
My boyfriends BM will call him about every other week trying to tell him what the rules should be like at our home. Funny thing is it's always over issues we don't seem to have.
Most recently the 4 year old has been sitting on the floor and will refuse to walk thus mom has to carry him. She called telling boyfriend "don't carry him anymore." Wouldn't believe when he told her "well that's not a problem here."
Best thing is to let your partner handle it. Clearly BM doesn't give a damn what you say and will think what she want's to. I'm not saying be mean to her I'm saying leave her be it's not worth your energy and unhappiness.
If your wanting to change the custody then dad has to go to a lawyer. Ignore what she says. If he wants 50/50 and feels he it would be best for the kids let a judge decide.
You shouldn't be reassuring
You shouldn't be reassuring her anything...YOU cannot fix her insecurities! If you want to take her abroad then file a motion to have a judge force BM to sign the passport document and allow the kid to travel. If he doesn't already have a CO then BM is only acting out because she has all the power now and doesn't want to lose it by going to 50:50 (like I said it has nothing to do with YOU replacing her). He needs a court order.
Stop communicating with BM,
Stop communicating with BM, she's not your friend and never will be, she's playing you.
Your partner should be communicating with her and anything regarding the child is between them
SO should get a CO in place and then BM can't keep the child from him,
In your shoes this would not have bothered me one little bit, I would go on holiday with or without the SD and I will make it clear to SD, thanks to your mother you are not allowed to come with, SD can sort it out with BM why she can't go with.... you will become this way after a couple off years of dealing with this nonsense