Just looking for someone who can relate
So, BM asked me to lunch last week. At lunch she revealed that she and her husband of three years are getting divorced because he is cheating on her. She cheated on my DH with her current husband. BM and I aren't friends but we also don't have a problem with each other. As far as I'm concerned I'm glad she cheated or DH and I wouldn't be married. She also says she didn't love my DH and that's why their divorce went so smoothly. DH has told me in the past that they fell out of love also. Now, obviously with the announcement of BM's divorce a lot of people are finding out, including DH's friends and DH's parents. With everyone finding out there is a lot of talk about when she and my DH got divorced. Everyone is talking about how she deserved it and it's karma and blah blah. This is kind of making me feel weird. Up until this point their divorce has been a non-issue (except with my MIL but that's a whole other story). I guess my problem is that I'm not hearing DH telling people he is glad that things worked out the way that they did when he is talking about it to people. I guess I would expect to hear him say something along the line's of he is happier now or he's so glad he found someone that he's in love with etc. Instead it's (yeah she deserved it after what she put me through, etc.) In my head I'm thinking "well yeah she def shouldn't have cheated obviously, but weren't you not in love anyway?" Maybe I'm just being insecure about it, but honestly it's making me feel like the second option. I plan to tell DH how I'm feeling I just would like the input of anyone who has maybe felt the same way, and how did you deal with it?
BM cheated on my SO as well.
BM cheated on my SO as well. They few times we talked about regretting past actions, he has said he never regrets BM because he wouldn't have his kids and would never have met me.
Maybe he's just agreeing with people when they are saying BM is getting what she deserves instead of getting in the whole issue of them not being in love and blah blah blah.
Do you think that he was more hurt by the cheating than he has been admitting?
That's kind of what I'm
That's kind of what I'm thinking. Like maybe he was telling me that he didn't love her before because he was the one that had been hurt, but now his real feelings about it are coming out. I'd like to think that maybe he is just agreeing with people, but either way I'm not hearing what I think I need to hear. His lack of follow up to those comments is making me feel that he is resentful about what she did and that he did love her but married me because she had left him. I'm surprised that BM's divorce is bringing up these feelings in me. Maybe they've always kind of been in the back of my head and this is bringing them forward, who knows!
"In my head I'm thinking
"In my head I'm thinking "well yeah she def shouldn't have cheated obviously, but weren't you not in love anyway?"
I'm thinking I would say just this to him. It sums it up cut and dry. It's water under the bridge after this long. I'm guessing maybe it's a man/pride issue with him.
I def intend to say it to
I def intend to say it to him. I'd like to think he is just saying it to agree with the comments that people are making, but his lack of follow up to the comments is what I'm finding the most concerning. I just do not want to be made to feel like I'm his second choice because BM cheated and left. I'm surprised that her divorce is bringing up these issues between DH and I. I go back and forth between having these feelings and telling myself that I'm over thinking it!
I like that option, let's
I like that option, let's hope that is what he tells me when I tell him how I'm feeling!
Agreed, I don't think this
Agreed, I don't think this has anything to do with whether he loved her or not, I think it's purely a pride issue. She cheated, which is an ego blow whether you're in love or not. Now someone cheated on HER and it's like, "See? You're not so great NOW are you?" I'd bet he hasn't mentioned you because "she fucked me over" and "I love princess" really aren't related in his head. After all, their relationship ended because they didn't love each other - which means he would've found you whether she cheated before they "officially" ended it or not.
My DH was not in love with
My DH was not in love with BM, nor her with him. They got married because they had a kid.
Even so, he took his vows seriously and was hurt that she did not. He was upset at being cheated on, but it was not about BM, per se, if that makes sense. The lack of respect for him and the vows they made to create a family for SD and her brother (who was not DH's), is what bothered him.
He is in love with me and he's much happier with me, but it doesn't make him glad that he was cheated on, it does not make what she did okay. And it's so obvious that he is happier now, he doesn't feel the need to actually say it to people.
There is absolutely no comparison between our relationship and what he had with BM.
I am sure that your DH feels the same and that it doesn't even occur to him that he needs point out that he's much better off now.
No matter the current
No matter the current circumstances in your life, you are always happy when someone who hurts you gets the karma they deserve. Don't read too much into this.
I have the same thoughts and
I have the same thoughts and feelings about my XW as your DH has about his. The cavern crotch adulterous whore skank deserves every bit of hell she has suffered since our divorce and much, much, more. She left me for her Geriatric Fortune 500 Executive sugar daddy a few weeks after our second anniversary.
She kept propositioning me after she moved out. Our divorce was not overly contentious but I did have to threaten to have her degree revoked for academic dishonesty if she did not abide by her original offer and agreement regarding divorce settlement.
She spawned 2 sons out of wedlock with Grandpa Sugar/Baby Daddy before he married her and he divorced her when she and her entire family were investigated for embezzlement and she was nailed for $2Mil as a result of the huge civil suit that my MIL's employer brought against XMIL, XFIL, my XW and her sibs. XMIL ended up a convicted felon and spent a few years in federal prison. XW was pregnant with an out of wedlock spawn of her adulterous relationship boy friend when Grandpa Sugar/Baby Daddy took everything and left her. She is now on husband #3, dead ass broke, paying huge amounts of money against the damages she owes, has no legitimate children, and it could not be happening and hopefully continues to happen to a more deserving soul. }:)
}:) 
I do not think about my amazing bride of 20+ years when someone calls me with a Skank Whore sighting and update.
My amazing bride does not occupy the part of my brain that houses the memories of my XW and the ass kicking that karma continues to give to the Skank Whore.
Don't sweat that DH does not think of you when basking in the karma ass kicking that his adulterous X is experiencing. Two completely different man brain files that have nothing to do with each other.
Well, now when BM is getting
Well, now when BM is getting a divorce its in the cards how the biological parents "should try again for the sake of the children" and yeah, she cheated so nobody is saying that out loud, but the kids sure are thinking it somewhere in the part of their brains who's occupied by Disney and so are thir grandparents and other family members (you kow the type, they just think biological parents should just work through all their diffwerences and just stay together for the sake of the kids and so on.. Theres bound to be a few like that in every family)..
I dont think its unfair to feel left out now when BM is the "Big NEws" either. Its weird to have to deal with your partners ex forever, and its weirder how everybody always seems to think Stepparents should just accept easily avoidable camels "because they chose a package" and so on.. Its disrespectful to bring up exes all the time in all relationships, and their kids are no excuse. Why do these people think that is an excuse?