I was only in it for a year and a half, but this group gave me the "get" I needed to go. I know exactly how you feel. Every other week and weekend, I barely existed. I was with a comfirmed bachelor and he talked about marriage as he pulled further and further away. But when it came to his mom or his son, he would part the seas for them. Just keep thinking about what you don't like and use it for motivation to change it. Good luck!

HUGS, I can completely relate. I am in for 3 years, BF has 6 yr old son. I too feel I have lost myself, feel like this is a no-win situation for me. My self esteem is at an all time low or I wouldn't be here still either. I have tried counseling, but that didn't really work out although I will try again with another counselor. I disengage also but then I am stuck alone, I have a couple girlfriends here (I moved for my BF) but I don't trust anyone enough to talk about it with them...my forever girls know but they are in another state and as supportive as they are it's even becoming a broken record for me so I try not to bring it up too much with them. Why it is so hard to leave this relationship I have no idea, in others I would be out without a doubt. I hate being a "stepmom" actually I am just over having a kid around even if it is only part time, at 47 I have helped raise my siblings kids, my friends kids...one of my best gfs said "you've been helping people with their kids for the last 25 years" I didn't really realize that but yes I have. I love being an Aunt, but this is more than I ever wanted to be. Sorry got off on my own tangent. Anyway, I agree...keep reading through the posts on here, keep on thinking about things...one of the suggestions I got was to do a -/+ chart for clarity. It is helping me. I am using it for everything I am torn about.

I have a theory that we stay because we think "it is the right thing". some stupid societal limiting belief that as women we should want to be the caretaker...and a whole bunch of other BS that is ingrained in our brains. When I tried to talk to my mother she said "well it's better than being alone and you aren't getting any younger" UGH!!!

Well, I don't know if I helped but please know there are a lot of us going through the same things on here.

I didn't come out of my bedroom until 7:45pm Sunday night after the stupid football game that dh and ss were watching. I have no idea how I managed to be a troll in my room all day and not eat anything. I just didn't want to look at ss12. As soon as I heard the car leave, I came downstairs. I get in those depressed moods and just sleep all day. Not to mention I have a hard time sleeping anyways as DH is at work and I am still getting used to being home alone at night. With all the construction around us, the wind...the damn construction workers porta potty doors slamming all night long, the houses doors get hung but they have no locks so they slam all night...I am one paranoid, nervous wreck. DH gets so pissed like how can you sleep ALL day???! Well duh, you bitch that you want to get our cars oil changed, do this and that, but you have all day to watch tv with your son laying all over the couch like its his bed so why should I even grace you with my presence?? We were married in August and we have yet to go to the social security office to change my last name. Should I even bother ??? HA! He hasn't even put me on insurance yet and I am pretty sure my foot is broken from falling on the stairs vacuuming. I can't bend it, and it's at a constant 7 out of 10 in pain. It puts me in tears to drive. Oh well, 49ers are the priority in this house. I'll just keep cleaning and kill myself on the stairs next week.

I'm in a very similar boat. It sucks! I feel like third wheel all the time and he doesn't understand it at all. He thinks I'm being silly and that adults don't feel Or act like that. I cry secretly a lot because I wish so bad I could fit in with their little group but I usually feel like an outsider. It sucks when the kids pile ulon top of him on the couch at night and tell him how much they love him when I've done all the cooking and homework and cleaning and picking them up fro lm school and activities...where's my recognition? I'd join ya on the wine with this one! Good luck.

I'm in a very similar boat. It sucks! I feel like third wheel all the time and he doesn't understand it at all. He thinks I'm being silly and that adults don't feel Or act like that. I cry secretly a lot because I wish so bad I could fit in with their little group but I usually feel like an outsider. It sucks when the kids pile ulon top of him on the couch at night and tell him how much they love him when I've done all the cooking and homework and cleaning and picking them up fro lm school and activities...where's my recognition? I'd join ya on the wine with this one! Good luck.