What should we learn from Kasem case?
As a long time non-married bio-child-free partner (over dozen years) of a man with 3 grown (full time custody) SKIDS I'm terrified after reading about the Kasem case. Society truly believes anything screamed loud enough - especially online. Bullies win - every time.
Should new partners, especially wives, & husbands document their years of trying to make the Skids have contact with their parent to later prove that the skids don't want anything to do with the parent until money and power are up for grabs? Some may say its a waste of your life but many of you know that you are the one who supports your partner 24 hours a day and their grown kids are more then capable of abusing and manipulating them. Guilt ridden fathers cant seem to say no - no matter how horrible their kids are to them.
What are your thoughts?
HRNYC I think your advice is
HRNYC I think your advice is important and solid. However even if the law is supposedly on our side - we still need to pay $800 an hour to a lawyer to fight for our rights. Plus we will need enormous mental and emotional capacity to get through the years of fighting for "our rights". So I am wondering if we have a great deal of proof of emails and attempts to involve the skids in their parents life coming from the "evil stepparent" who want to keep them apart - but the skids ignore the parent until the parent gets old and they smell and inheritance - maybe it will help to prove the skids really are just after the money but not the relationship.
Scubed that is actually an
Scubed that is actually an interesting point. Is it better, are there more safety guards being a live in partner or a married woman? Is it different for those living in Canada as opposed to the U.S.? Should a live-in woman marry the man to secure more of her rights?
Actually, live-in has even
Actually, live-in has even less rights.
BUT
ALWAYS SIGN A PRENUP and make it all very, very clear in writing that DH has NO ACCESS TO YOUR FUNDS. DO NOT MIX MONEY or they will come after your money, too!!!
kathc can you expand on your
kathc can you expand on your comment about "do not mix money"? for example, what about the partner or spouse contributing to bills or renovation of a home one partner owns? Can the skids come after the home? What about a common bank account for paying bills that have the names of both partners or spouses on it? Can the skids come after that?
Step fathers are usually
Step fathers are usually portrayed as noble and honorable for stepping in and 'taking care of kids that aren't even his', or some such bullshit.
Forget the will and perhaps
Forget the will and perhaps months if not years probate. Get a Living Will.
http://www.calbar.ca.gov/Public/Pamphlets/LivingTrust.aspx
I learned why it's good for
I learned why it's good for the world that sometimes animals eat their young. Like hamsters.
BM would have made a nice hamster.
That's what I learned.
smuffi1 if for example the X
smuffi1 if for example the X can prove with a letter from a Dr that she is just depressed and can't work - your BF will be responsible for supporting her. Really - in Canada, I know this first hand as a fact. Remember, you can have all the rights you want but unless you have the $800 an hour to pay a lawyer you cannot retain your "rights". People without money can depend on government assisted programs and such groups for law support. If you work for a living and are accountable and responsible - you will get the invoice for the Xs' lifestyle. Also - don't think this stops at 18 or any such thing. You - you and your BF will be responsible for the skids university or college. If the X has any assets they will put everything in their family members names and live the life of Riley while you are forced to pay for their trips, cars and clothes. Plus it doesn't take a year or 5 - think 10 -15 years in family court - I know first hand. The skids can be out of college and you will still be in court paying lawyers trying to make the spouse to pay up their half, living the mess and arguing with your BF every week. Plus the X can demand your income records and assets in court battles if you are married so that you end up paying even more to the X. And don't be fooled by the X wife behaving as though her kids are the center of her universe. Once my BFs' X figured out she couldn't control the skids with lies - guess who got them full time - totally full time, no visitation, no school grads, no Drs appointments - we did. FULL TIME, 24-7, 365 days a years for decades, therapy session after therapy session, - no holidays, constant dysfunctional F'd up drama. Suddenly the mother had no interest in even talking to her children.