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Wife needs counseling

ccat's picture

Submitted by ccat on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 8:23am

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Adult Stepchildren

I posted a couple of day's back about issue with my son who does not live with us and how he took it upon himself to remind me that half of what I built is his moms after being alerted that we he and his boyfriend were in our home while we were on vacation.

So I spoke to the counselor yesterday after wards thought I 'd have a beer to unwind. got a call from the wife to ask how'ed everything go. I told her that the counselor said that if she did not set boundiers with her son and respect my wishes in my home her marriage was going to end. So she kicked me out last night. In addition to the delima with the son, she also has 14 yr manic bi polar daughter who also has it's challenges around the house. my take is even if the issue with the son is resolved i will have to be dealing with the daughter for a long time and I'm not sure that I want to have to go through all the hassels that are sure to come. I feel my position and opinion in the house is non exsitent and i'm really pissed off with the whole relationship thing with this women and her children. On another recent post I read something about a guilty parent syndrome, this me be whats going on here, these kids are taking advantage of her feelings and my authority is not respected. i really don't know what to do anymore. I think this kid whats to live with his mommy and does not care if it cost her.....her marriage.

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 8:26am

There's not much you can do. Find a woman who has some sense of balance and reality. Even non-guilty parents can have troubled kids. But you need to be on the same page, esp with mental illness or that little girl will run your house.

PoisonApples's picture

Submitted by PoisonApples on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 9:10am

It sounds like she did you a favour by kicking you out.

It was clear from your other post that you don't have the right personality to deal with her kids, their choices and their personalities. It is not fair on any of you for you to continue being part of their family knowing the attitudes that you have toward their lifestyles.

Move on and find someone who thinks more like you do.

ccat's picture

Submitted by ccat on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 11:58am

Hold on guy's or whatever you want to be refered to as today. This is my home the kid does not live with us and I have to make the adjustment. In my opinion this is exactly why the fabric of our society has gone to the dogs. Because women have push the man out and taken control and given kids a free ride to do whatever the hell they want. Thats also why you are divorced anyway.

PoisonApples's picture

Submitted by PoisonApples on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 12:49pm

Hold on guy's or whatever you want to be refered to as today.

I'm not gay so your attempt at insult was completely wasted on me.

This is my home the kid does not live with us and I have to make the adjustment.

But you aren't making adjustments. You harp on and on about how stepson is gay and then you harp on and on about your stepdaughter. Clearly, with your mindset and prejudices you were not cut out to be a step parent to people with these lifestyles. If you remain the picture no one is going to be happy. They aren't going to change who they are to please you and I doubt very much that anyone has bigoted and judgmental as you are is going to change at age 49. I don't know how you got together with their mother but clearly it was a mistake, she has now realized that and is taking steps to correct the mistake. Someone with your backwards attitudes is not going to live in harmony with a gay stepson and a bi-polar stepdaughter.

In my opinion this is exactly why the fabric of our society has gone to the dogs. Because women have push the man out and taken control and given kids a free ride to do whatever the hell they want. Thats also why you are divorced anyway.

You have no idea why I'm divorced but thanks for proving that my first impression of you was right on the money.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 12:05pm

Wooooaaaaahhhhh hold on there cowboy! First off, if the house is YOURS than by all means fight for what's yours. Give her her half and keep it moving.
But to say that the reason that society has gone to the dogs is because WOMEN push MEN out and let the kids run buck wild is just nuts!
YOU clearly have some issues you need to work on as well. Good luck finding balance & peace your life.

iwishyouwould's picture

Submitted by iwishyouwould on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 12:15pm

Hey - im really sorry to hear what youre going through. Your post caught my attention because im on the bipolar spectrum, as is my littlest sister. I thoroughly understand how hard it can be to live with a bipolar kid. As long as i take my lovely lithium, im charming little ol me, but when my sister and i were much younger, and we were both trying to find the right meds for us, well... teenage girl hormones plus mood disorder equals havoc. Im thinking maybe your wife is just really really overwhelmed? Is your stepdaughter on any medications or is she just free cycling? I cant imagine how scared my parents must have been when my sister and i werent quite ourselves as teenagers. sorry i dont have much input on the rest, but i have a lot of empathy for you and your wife. hope everything works out for you.

iwishyouwould's picture

Submitted by iwishyouwould on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 1:02pm

Sorry...i gotta say this. Actually, the womens lib movement of the last century that still persists to this day involved men in childrearing, not the other way around. Women have historically been the only ones to have anything whatsoever to do with the rearing, raising, and nurturing of children. Until world war two, it was considered extremely improper for a woman to work outside the home, and if she did choose or have to not make caring for home, husband and children her primary occupation in life, the few career options open to her generally involved children (nanny, school teacher). In ages past, it was our responsiblity to hand men their freshly bathed, sweet smelling children when they got home from work, then we would continue on with the child rearing while the men settled into the house. That was about the extent, historically, of men's involvement in childrearing. Stepparenting has it roots in the death of a wife/mother. It was considered improper for a single man to raise children of any gender and so the widower would marry again in order to have a woman, who was considered the only appropriate person, to raise his children - thus creating the first blended families. I'm sorry for your situation, but dont you know that you can get more with honey than with vinegar?

ccat's picture

Submitted by ccat on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 1:57pm

Sorry about everything I really didn't real;ize this was a gay step parent site only my mistake.

iwishyouwould's picture

Submitted by iwishyouwould on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 3:13pm

me too. Smile

ccat's picture

Submitted by ccat on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 3:33pm

StepAside, thanks for the defense, I really didn't mean to offen anyone. I do have some serious issues at home and when I found this site i thought i'd share but just got dumped on. good luck to all, in your delimas with your partners baggage. i'm outta here

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Thu, 07/29/2010 - 3:55pm

CCat,

There are some great people here who will share their experiences with you. You could gain some perspective on your problem. If you don't like the responses on your blog - you can delete them and if they become offensive you can flag them as offensive and ADM will address it. I'd give this site another try.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sat, 07/31/2010 - 9:31am

I feel for you when the topic this time is not even the gay situation it is still held against you. TO THAT END, maybe if you could leave out that aspect in your posts, in every way including asides and comments, people would focus on providing you the support you are here for, that we are all here for.

I feel that would help you be better received here. You don't have to leave, but a lot of people have to make an adjustment when they first come. No one here is open to bashing any people or group. I love all of God's children (no offense intended to anyone but you know what I mean). Smile

If it is your house, do not leave - in a divorce that could be considered abandoning the property or marriage and you could lose whatever part of the house you do own, I am not clear on that. I think you should consult an attorney as to what could happen if you do split.

There are worse things than getting a divorce and if your spouse will not consider you, it may be best for YOU to get out dear. There are lots of women looking for a good man who wants to be married. And you are the only one that will look out for you. Good luck