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And I'm the one being called selfish?

salexius's picture

Submitted by salexius on Thu, 08/05/2010 - 11:38am

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He has 2 kids (4 and 7) who live 8 hours away from us. We just had them for 5 weeks and I had to pay for almost EVERYTHING, including a week trip to the beach, since my boyfriend is basically unemployed. I decided to book us a romantic beach vacation for a few days just to kind of unwind. My boyfriend basically said that I was being selfish because that money could have been used to go visit the kids for a weekend - if not, we probably won't be able to see them until Christmas. I work hard for my money and feel like if I want a vacation then I deserve a vacation - not driving 8 hours each way to sit in a hotel room with him and the 2 kids. Am I being selfish?

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WindX's picture

Submitted by WindX on Thu, 08/05/2010 - 11:52am

If it were the other way around would we be saying that her bf should spend the money on the things he wants to because he earned it?

It sounds like the bf is entitled and I balked at that thought. Then I started thinking well, maybe he's "basically unemployed" due to some arrangement they have as a couple. Or maybe he would support the poster in the same way she's supporting him.

I think the main idea should be that they should be clear on their expectations when it comes to finances.

*i'm not disagreeing with you, vickmeister. just rambling on a thought i had after reading your post*

newstepmom81's picture

Submitted by newstepmom81 on Thu, 08/05/2010 - 12:08pm

Oh wow. I think you both should take a long hard look at your relationship and where you feel it is going. You may be in two different places. He appears to be doing little to make money and increase the amount of time he is allowed with his children. It is great that you help him pay for those trips, but it is not your responsibility to help him be an active father. He has to take responsibility for himself.

Your getaway trip seemed like a sweet idea and (as a SM) I don't think it was selfish in the least. Couples need time to spend alone without the stress of life (work, kids, finances, etc). However, you need to be careful to not get in over your head with a man who can't afford to take care of himself or his children. You don't want to end up resenting him and his inability to take care of his own business.

WindX's picture

Submitted by WindX on Thu, 08/05/2010 - 12:24pm

I think bf/gf stage is different for people. My friend calls her SO bf and they live together in a house they bought as a couple and have a child together. To me, bf/gf sounds like early stages but sometimes i think people use it to describe their marital status with the person rather than how close they feel to them.