gay stepson self entitlement
Forums:
wife has a son who has never lived with us and thinks he has a self entiltlement to my home because half of it belong to his mother. On vacation last week and nighbor alerted us that he and his boy friend were in our home playing house. we did not know that we was going to be there. i tried several times to cal but he did not answer my calls. when i finally did get him he said that it should n't be a problem being that half of the home was his mom's. i blew it and wanted to leave home immediately and take care of this problem. we have had other issue with this kid and getting tried of messing with him. wife taking his position.
I'm not seeing where his
I'm not seeing where his being gay has anything to do with the problem.
If he wasn't gay, would it be ok if he were there?
Actually, I don't think you
Actually, I don't think you need to answer that. I just saw your bio:
Prof 49yr old male married 9yrs. raising 14 yrs bi polar st daughter and 8 yr old daughter mine. wife has two othre kids adults 21yr (gay) 25 f cohabitating.
So, have you always been homophobic?
I think this guy is just
I think this guy is just pushed over the edge… and maybe the “gay” think was the final nudge. It seems to be a problem for some people… in the US it’s a big enough issue to win or loose an election… guess it’s a big enough issue for this dude to blog about.
I’d be upset that my step-kid was sneaking people into the house without permission gay, straight or polar bear…. I agree that the sexual orientation shouldn’t be the issue.
I hope you are right. It's
I hope you are right.
It's just when I saw that he had it in his bio too...well, red flags went up.
I get annoyed when Skids say
I get annoyed when Skids say things like "this is my house too", because in the back of my mind I always say "NO IT'S NOT!"
I know it's wrong, but I don't feel his kids should have ANY stake in our home. Especially since I pay the mortgage.
Looks like the gay issue is
Looks like the gay issue is already being debated, so I won't touch that.
But...its not a kid's home in the same way as it is their parent's. Its a kids home as in they should feel comfortable and safe there, but, as its the adults paying the mortgage, its the adult's house, and they make every single rule. Nothing that is your parent's belongs to you by default; though they can give you the right to use it. If this skid's mother did give him that right, then the your argument is with mom, not skid.
Then again, when you're 21, you're an adult and should be on your way to your own home/house, so...nevermind.
The OP hasn't told us much
The OP hasn't told us much about the mother.
I've asked but he hasn't answered. He said the mother is defending the son.
I think important things to know would be
1. How did the son get a key?
2. Did the mother give him permission to use the house?
3. Is the mother part owner of the house?
So far all we know is that the stepdad doesn't approve of stepson's lifestyle and he is angry that stepson used the home while they were away. If, in fact, the mother gave her son a key and told him he could use it then the son did nothing wrong in using the house.
The problem I have with this whole thing is that the stepson being gay is irrelevant and it seems that the stepfather only mentions it - again and again and again and again - hoping that others are as homophobic as he is and therefore will side with him.
If the problem is just with a stepchild using a home when the parents are away then it should be left at that. Sexual orientation shouldn't even be mentioned.
I still want to know if the mother told him he could use it. Stepdad says mother is defending her son's use of the home. Is it the mother's home too and if so she has a right to give her child permission to use it. Can other children (heterosexual) use it?
How do you know it's not the
How do you know it's not the mother's home?
Look, I do believe that people have the right to make rules for their own homes.
I also STRONGLY believe that when someone is a bigot - or in any way expresses a racist, homophobic, sexist, ageist ..... view then they should be called out on it. They should not 'get away' with punishing people for those things by claiming the problem is really something else - for example - whinging if your gay stepson stays in your house if you wouldn't also whinge if your heterosexual daughter stayed there. Yes, he has a right to be a homophobe. I have a right to call him one and tell him that it's a crap way to be.
I DETEST hate-mongers. I have dedicated a large chunk of my life to trying to counter hate-mongering against people of particular races, religions and lifestyles. At times I have paid dearly for the stands I've taken but I still firmly believe that they should be taken.
This kind of thing - bringing in sexual orientation, race, religion - whatever sets someone apart - and trying to use it to sway public opinion against the person is, frankly, despicable. THIS is my soapbox.
As long as we, as a society, allow these kinds of disgusting attitudes prevail then they will continue. Attitudes like his need to become taboo and shameful.
It’s definitely a problem for
It’s definitely a problem for him or he wouldn’t have mentioned it. (repedadly!!!)
Maybe he doesn't agree with
Maybe he doesn't agree with the lifestyle and that may be what makes it so upsetting to him.
All that aside, wife may already be in a position to come to her son's aid when dealing with SDad but it is his home and if Sdad doesn't want someone there when he isn't, that is Sdad's right.
“Why doesn't he get labeled a
“Why doesn't he get labeled a Jesus hater?”
I think they prefer religiously challenged thank you very much…
Are we OT again..?
i would be PISSED if either
i would be PISSED if either skid showed at my house when i was not home...... it is mine & dh's home..... not skids house, gay, green purple, i don't give a shit ~~ NOT their house to use at their leisure as a play house..
ditto:
" And as far as your step son claiming rights to your home, joint owned by you and your wife. Until his name is on the deed....I'd tell him start paying the bank note.
Disrespectful kid."
Love this Starfish. This is
Love this Starfish. This is EXACTLY how I feel!
beats the shit out of me.....
beats the shit out of me..... i have never experienced such entitlement these little skids seem to emit!
totally agree. If it is
totally agree. If it is poster's house and his wife's...it is their house and they make the rules. I wouldn't want anyone coming into my home while I was away...gay, straight, green or purple. It is my home with DH and the rules must be respected.
A few years ago I visited my brother (out of town) with my SO...when we arrived, my brother and his wife were very specific about the sleeping quarters for SO and I...he got the guest room (lol) and I got my nephews room who was in college at the time! My SO and I were both 50 yrs old at the time. We both had no problem with the arrangement. Brother's house, brother's rules. Why can't the young people today understand that concept?
My SO is now my DH, as of 2 days ago!!!
How did he get in? Did he
How did he get in? Did he break in or did he have a key?
You say your wife is taking his side. Did she give him a key? Did she tell him he could use the house? Is it half her house?
Would you have a problem with it if he weren't gay?
A Texan If it's an issue,
A Texan
If it's an issue, tell your wife you don't want people at the house while you guys aren't there. It can't be that hard.
If you're homophobic more power to you, but remember your stepson IS gay so if I were you I'd make your boundaries known and clear just keep in mind if you really like your wife and hope to keep the marriage I would recommend sucking it up and getting over it if homophobia really is your issue. I promise you with a gay stepson your homophobia will most likely ruin your marriage.
If you're not homophobic, disregard the above paragraph.
Oh jeez, stating he's gay
Oh jeez, stating he's gay doesn't mean he's homophobic
True
However, He's posted twice and written a bio. In each of those he mentioned that his stepson is gay. That's more than just mentioning it in passing.
It is in the title of both his forum topics. Clearly, his stepson's gayness is an issue for him.
Oh my, every time I reference
Oh my, every time I reference my SS, I say, my drug addict SS, or SS, the druggy - does this CLEARLY make me a drugophobe? And YES - I have an issue with his drug use. People have issues with a lot of things and it's OK.
Some people like to use adjectives, and besides, even if he has an issue - who cares - he's posting about the kid being in his house with his man lover - and he doesn't want that.
The issue is it's their house - kid going against the man of the house's wishes and BM sticking up for the Skid instead of standing behind her husband and honoring their privacy.
It's called respect.
I can see how this would
I can see how this would bother CCAT. His step son brought a lover in to his home where he raises minor children without CCAT's permission and SS was sneaky about it.
It may not be specifically that the SS in question is gay that is the problem. I would have a problem if my adult children were to pull this crap in my home where I raise minor children regardless of their sexual orientation.
However, were I in a similar situation I would have a much bigger problem with a gay Skid bringing a lover to my home than a straight Skid bringing a lover to my home. Though I would kick either's ass equally if this crap were to happen in my home and my minor child was exposed to the sexual relationships of her elder sibs without my prior consent and unless I was there to manage the situation and discuss it with my minor child.
Children are very sensitive to situations that are out of the ordinary and this situation may cause longer term issues with the child and for the family if not manageed effectively by the parents.
Someone exposing my minor child to a gay relationship on anything but my terms would bother me.
I have no problem with homosexuals or gay relationships but I would have a problem with an adult disrespecting my home and my family with this behavior ..... regardless of the gender of the partner brought to my home.
As for CCAT mentioning that his SS is gay. So what? I can see how having a gay Skid would add additional stress to an already stressful blended family situation. Just because he mentions his Skid is gay multiple times does not make him homophobic. Just as someone mentioning that they are a man or woman on their profile and in their posts does not make them anti-woman or anti-man.......
This is not good or bad it is just a fact that can be considered when people respond.
If my son were to come to his mom and I and announce that he was gay I would hug him, tell him that I love him and that I will be there for him regardless of his sexual orientation. However, I would also tell him that life is hard enough without having to navigate the added social professional and relationship complexities of being gay and that I would wish for him that he would not have to experience the added dificulties and life complexity that being gay will cause him.
Then I would go join PFLAG and start figuring out how to parent a gay guy..
Best regards.
Wow I'm sorry if i offended
:? Wow I'm sorry if i offended some on the site, i don't guess i'm a homo, but i will add as to what led to distaste of this kid coming into my home....
i couple of mths back I got in the middle of him yelling at his mom I stepped in and then turn on me. I told him that if he touched me i would hurt him in the mean time him and su=isters yelling for him to stop all the while his boyfriend waiting for to strike. In his yelling at me he stated in front of everyone that my daughter loved his boyfriend more then me and that i was a piec of sh*%. I forgave him and later they were back then they started to text my daughter 8yr old questioning if I refering to me by my first name and my daughter responding back using my name not dad. before all this started I told the ss that did not approve of this behaviour but because he was my daughters only brother that I was OK as long they did not express open effection in front of anyone while at our home. the last sraw was when he played the "my mom house deal" on me. this kid needs to get to work. sounds like lots of the people on this site defend the gay thing will it's not for me and i don't have to accept this I want attention behavior.
CCAT, You did not offend me
CCAT,
You did not offend me at all. In fact I understand completely not wanting this behavior in your home in front of your minor child(ren).
I am sure both you and your wife are in a difficult situation with this. If I were you I think once your SS blew a gasket on you in your home in front of your wife, kid and other Skids that I would have tossed both he and his boyfriend out on their asses for good. God help one of them if they made the mistake of raising hand in that situation. Had they done that their carcasses would have been fertilizing my wife's flower garden were I you.
Of course your daughter does not love the her brother's boy friend more than she loves you. It sounds to me that you have a confused Skid on your hands who is attemting a manipulative power grab in your home.
Not confused from a sexual preference perspective but confused in that he thinks he can behave in your home any way he wants.
That kid would be living in a card board box under an overpass sleeping with whoever he wants if he was my Skid and behaved that way in my home. He is in his 20's and not a child. He needs to be treated as an adult with the accountability and consequests that come with being an adult.
In my humble opinion of course.
Good luck and best regards.
Thanks for the support Rags,
Thanks for the support Rags, and your rightit's tough on us both especially poor wife who got involved with tis kids father and turns out he's...you guess it also. and we got this 14yr daughter from another man who;s also a damm nut. i should have seen the flags a blowing. theres just to much going on,
yep - homophobe
yep - homophobe
CCAT - you didn't offend a
CCAT - you didn't offend a lot of us. I'm realizing there are a few people on here that just jump and act like hethens when people post something they don't like.
You have every right to not want this kids behavior in your home - gay or not. You have every right to expect your wife to stand by your side. Many of us expect our husbands to, and it doesn't happen and it's frustrating.
Have you voiced how frustrated you are to your wife?
I also wasn't trying to be
I also wasn't trying to be offensive. I'm gay, and if either one of my stepsons (as an adult since they're young now lol) brought a partner (gay/straight) into the house that they were sexually active with while we were out of town I would be more than pissed about the situation.
At 21 years old your SS should know better, I mean shit I'm 22 and when we stay at my parent's house for holidays or whatever I don't feel comfortable even sleeping in the same bed as my SO with my parents in the house.
khotog thanks again for the
khotog
thanks again for the support but you've got to be kidding, you also take your partner to your parents house. I really don't understand why you'l have to push the envelope with society...forced acceptance. good luck
No I'm not kidding you I do
No I'm not kidding you I do take my partner to my parents house. How else would they see their grandchildren? Sorry buddy I'm not forcing anyone to accept anything, my parents (luckily for me) raised me and my siblings to respect everyone regardless of who they are. Fortunatly they're good people who treat everyone as human beings. If my partner was a guy I would still be uncomfortable sharing a bed with him while visiting my parents because they're my parents. Thank you for clarifying for me and everyone else that you are, in fact, a homophobe. Good luck with everything
But he hasn't said that the
But he hasn't said that the house was broken into.
All he said was that the stepson was there and the mother defends his right to be there.
Maybe he had a key. Maybe his mother let him have it? Maybe being there was ok with stepdad before stepson came out?
We just don't know.
OP is a homophobe. He admits it.
KP, I absolutely agree with
KP,
I absolutely agree with you. It is the behavior that is the issue and not the sexual orientation in this situation.
I can only imagine the personal conflict you experience as far as being confortable in your parents home and maintaining your relationship with your partner at the same time.
That is a tough situation that I have no parallel experience with.
StepParenting is touch enough without having to try to explain how you are step parent to your same sex SO's children.
I have a friend (more of a casual though regular aquantance) who is in this situation. He and I share stories on our Sparenting adventures occassionally. Interestingly he and his partner have no problems with BioMom, their biggest issue is BioMom's father and brothers.
Best regards.
Yes were doing well, our
Yes were doing well, our third anniversary is coming up and were trying to get everything in order for our wedding. It's getting stressful thinking about school starting again in a few weeks I don't know where we're going to find the time to get married (or finish everything) with school, different schedules at work, and kiddos. Time flies though, it should be a blast
Yes they did, we're doing
Yes they did, we're doing great. Thanks
He's not a homophobe, He
He's not a homophobe,
He didn't criticize their lifestyle - he mentioned it. Big deal. The real issue is SS using the home without either parent's permission and guilty BM not making her son accountable. To be called a homophobe simply because he is stating that his SS is gay is judgmental, harsh and unneccessary.
I hate when gay people call
I hate when gay people call straight people "breeders". I thank God for breeders lol without them I wouldn't be here
It's all about the context of
It's all about the context of the way the word is used. It's like I can call my friend a bitch and mean no disrespect toward her, but then call her a bitch when I'm pissed off or complaining and mean it in a completely different way.
Yes he is. Read his other
Yes he is. Read his other posts. He's also sexist. He seems to be rather proud of it too.
I've read his posts And I
I've read his posts
And I don't get that CCat is sexist or homophobic. He simply vented about his SS, mentioned that he was gay and got slammed. We're all entitled to our opinions here and it's a matter of how we discuss them, agree to disagree and respect others.
It's SS's life choice....let
It's SS's life choice....let him deal with it.....
SS26 SAYS he's gay. But my "gaydar" just doesn't go off with him. He has the "gay man" symbol tattooed on his wrist for everyone to see, but he's constantly dating girls. Seriously! I have never seen him with a male companion, and trust me, this kid would flaunt a male companion in his father's face if he could! At any rate, if that's HIS life choice, then it will also be HIS consequenses later on in life.
As far as being in the house when we're not there, I don't think so! This guy needs to change the locks or the alarm code ASAP!!!!
Gay or not----he was
Gay or not----he was trespassing. He was NOT invited there by the stepdad. That's the issue, not the stepson's lifestyle choices. BM needs to back her husband up on this one.