stepdaughters and what to do ?
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I have 3, soon to be stepdaughters 13,16,21. All wish there dad was still alive. He died 3 years ago of cancer. I have tryed to open up to them, but, they barely talk to me , or even look at me. I don't know how to talk or even should I just shut up . Any ideas ??
I think it's a lot harder for
I think it's a lot harder for older children to accept a step parent in to their family. Especially if you are dealing with the death of a parent. My father remarried when I was 26, I like his wife, we get a long nicely, but I don't refer to her as my step mother, I don't think of her that way, she is his wife. It's hard to explain, and I am sure your soon to be SD's are still grieving for the father they lost. The way life would have been if he hadn't died and a new man is entering. It's going to take time and patience for them to be comfortable with all the changes.
Just have to keep trying to
Three years is not a lot of
Three years is not a lot of time since he passed away- they are clearly still in the grieving process. How long have you and their mother been together?
Have they been in grief therapy?
They refuse to go to therapy.
They refuse to go to therapy. Well atleast the two older don't want to go. I have known there mother for 38 years and have dated her now for about 18 months.
It may actually be more
It may actually be more difficult being that you have known them all so long. I have never been in that situation, but someone I was close with lost their Dad to a car accident, and after about a year the family friend dated and eventually moved in with her mom. She was FURIOUS! She used say that she felt like he was waiting to jump on the opportunity, that he took advantage..etc, etc. she was 15 at the time. She felt almost betrayed by "Ray" like he tried to step in her Dad's shoes. IDK if it's similar for your girls, but it's probably so emotional for them. too bad they won't go to counseling..
I lost contact with there mom
I lost contact with there mom 20 years ago and we are back together. We never dated, but, I we are soon to be married.I told the girls that I am not here to replace there father. I hope some day they see me for what I am . A person that loves there mother very much .
All you can do is love their
All you can do is love their Mom for who she is, be patient keep trying. You obviously care about them in some capacity wanting to be a blended family and I commend you on that. Good luck to you!
Thank you very much.
With them refusing to go,
With them refusing to go, still wishing he was alive, and not even wanting to look at you and establish any sort of repoire with you, clearly this is going to be one uphill battle if you choose to move forward in this relationship. After all, you will be with the younger ones 100% of the time- no split custody here.
How does your fiance react to this?
She just tells me to be
She just tells me to be myself and they will come around. But , I told her that I don't see that happening. She tells me then that is ok. But, it does bother me alot.
Sorry to say, Pat, but this
Sorry to say, Pat, but this is her way of not dealing with the issue. You clearly have indicated to her that you have a problem with how her daughters are not accepting you in ANY way, shape, or form. And not only that, but they are not willing to change or help the situation by dealing with the loss of their father and going to therapy.
This is a big reg flag here IMO. Denial is not going to help the situation- by your fiance or your soon-to-be stepdaughters. And obviously, if you marry this woman, the problems will only escalate if you do not address them now.
My advice would be to get yourself to counseling and talk to someone at the very least before moving forward in this relationship.
Best of luck to you.