sooo not looking forward to this visit
Hellow all, I am new to this board... I am a single mother of two adult children.. son 21, daughter 25... I have been with my partner since 2003 he has a daughter 26 and a 7 year old granddaughter. My daughter lives in the same town as I do, my son is out of province, and so is the partner's daughter.. we are not a closeknit group... both our daughters do not talk to one another at all... His SD is nice enough to me... almost too nice, but absolutely hates my kids and always has something nasty to say about them.... she is coming visit,,, she visits a lot... and she visits long... about 3 good 2 to 3 week long visits a year... she is a seasonal worker, so she has lots of time off... it drives me crazy... her father does not stick around to keep her company.. she does not have friends in the area and she constantly wants attention... all the time.. I can get nothing done... and I notice my partner disappears a lot more when she is around... so I have started working overtime when I know she is coming... it is just hard... she sits there and smokes and talks about people all day long... has no friends... makes nasty comments about my kids and asks for everything... she comes for 3 week visits with no shampoo, deodorant, shower gel, toothpaste, nothing... everytime I sit down she asks for something.. constantly... she often disappears and we have no idea where she has gone and we are left with her little girl... great visit... not worth me taking time off work for... she is always pressing me about my relationship with her dad... he has not worked for a long time and does not have the money he used to have to dole out to her... and I am not going to.. I am paying all the bills as is... when he does work yes he buys a lot for the house, but not the same as paying a steady mortgage and utilities... it was my house to begin with,, but I think it is sooo unfair,... both of us keep our finances a big secret from one another.. no shared bills.. but the house is in my name sooo yeah.. .I guess I am protected.... we don't claim common law or anything.. but I just dread when she comes to visit cuz 3 weeks is tooo long... for someone who does nothing but sit and smoke and watch tv and help herself to anything she sees in my bedroom (yess, jewelery) and constantly tells me to stop what I am doing and talk to her... she gets very upset when she knows I am working overtime... but maybe she will take the hint,.. 1 week would be fine... but 3 weeks is horrible and her dad spends all his time at the grandmother's... saying he's looking after her while I am picking up after his daughter and granddaughter... they don't use garbage cans or squat... they are some filty... I am just choked and want to vent.,
The good thing is you are not
The good thing is you are not married to your partner. Yes, it IS unfair. I would think long and hard about making this a permanent arrangement. Is there any way your partner could get a place of his own? If not, no one who steals should be allowed in your home, that includes his daughter. I've been through this same senario with DH, bringing his daughter into my home, not contributing to household expenses and being secretive. It's frustrating. I felt used and I'm sure you do to. I finally told DH he had to start contributing to 1/2 of expenses. He got mad at first but I gave him the choice of contributing or leaving. I hope you don't mind but I would suggest sitting down and listing the boundaries you need to make with your partner and his daughter. Then create a plan and time frame to implement it. Good luck
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your reply... you made me feel better, like justified.... it's nice to know someone who has been in this situation, cuz I hate myself for letting it happen to me.... HE is a nice guy, he does a lot around the house, but contributes nothing to monthly bills, but he will pay for new flooring, furniture etc... He is a lot of fun but NO... I will not marry him... I don't want to marry anyone anymore... I don't really even want to be in love... I spent 22 years in marriage hell with an alkie and I have worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time, keeping my kids in sports and post secondary education and straight teeth... I can do my own thing now and yes... I wonder how long I really want this relationship... especially with his daughter that he doesn't even bother with. there is no vacation when Miss Seasonal comes around for weeks at a time... Yes... I got lots to think about on this VISIT, while I work overtime... During the third week of her visit I am playing with a group at a bluegrass festival... I am thinking I might not come home each night till midnight... just to drive a point home... that is the only time I won't be working during the hell visit... Thanks so much for your reply... YOu really made me feel better.
just say no. she cannot
just say no. she cannot come for 3 weeks and list the reasons why. especially since it is financially draining on your household and you work a lot. take back your power. neither of them have the right to expect this.