Sd19 is shutting her dad, me and siblings out.....
Hi.... Thanks all first of all that you exist! I'm so glad I've this place to keep me sane on the crazy SD and BM days!
Let me hear what you think of this..... So .... Little by little bm has pas'ed sd and I think after 7 years of it, she had finally succeeded ( which she celebrated by changing back to her maiden name.... Finally got daughter fully in her side!!!!)". Sd has never lived with us, BM made sure of that ! Sd has now gotten married and had a baby 2 months ago.... (Got pregnant on the same week I gave birth to her half sister if course..... No surprise there....) she lives with her mom still, with hubby and baby....they've both failed and repeating school. she has moved further and further away from her dad for some time, changed her name to BM maiden name etc....stuff like that. Anyway, since she got pregnant she made it clear she was not going to have me come to any event.... Her birthday, baby shower, baby's birth or baby naming..... DH made it clear if I'm not invited he is nit coming, except he did go for baby's birth.... I want to add, her half siblings were not invited either. Her brother, 5 years old is very hurt by her cold absence.... What do I do?? What can I say???! So hard 
so when finally, first time after 7 years DH is standing up beside me which is awesome! BUT now SD gas completely blocked him from her AND granddaughters life!! The only thing he gets are done pics now and again... But he is not allowed to have any other communication... He is not running around after her anymore, very hurt by her passive aggressive behaviour though.....
Anyone else had similar experience and can share? Thanks... I'm confused what yo say to our kids... I guess nothing....
Thanks again all for sharing such private and emotional accounts.... This stuff is darn difficult!!!!!!
Xx
Enjoy the peace and quiet,
Enjoy the peace and quiet, I'm sure it won't last.
I have to say you comment
I have to say you comment made me laugh...because your so right!!!
Indeed!!!!!! And I sure am
Indeed!!!!!! And I sure am and will!!
Since you have children on
Since you have children on your own, when you have parties make sure you are the adult in this situation, always invite her. Don't let the ball be on your court. Always pass it back. For every Birthday party, celebration anything. One day, lets hope, she will grow up and see that if she didn't interact with her dads side of the family its because SHE didn't want too. Good luck
She does not need to.... Her
She does not need to.... Her mother pays for her and her hubby.... Her mother is not working. Guess who is supporting her mom?? Sigh.
Alimony from DH? If so for
Alimony from DH? If so for how much longer? Maybe SD just follows the money trail. Sadly she may be back when BM's generosity runs out.
Yes.....alimony and child
Yes.....alimony and child support. The legal agreement they made was to continue to pay until sd finished school.....well now, when the heck will that be, she just repeated a year as she failed and now she has just had a baby.... All calculated carefully if you ask me. May sound cynical, but I've been watching and learning the games for long enough now!
Has DH tried going back to
Has DH tried going back to court? This sounds like a "change of circumstance." If she has failed then DH should have no more responsibility, plus if she has a child shouldn't she be emancipated?
Unfortunately the case is
Unfortunately the case is very similar to this one..... Dh is to pay child maintenance as long as she is in "full time education".....
http://www.clmlaw.co.uk/familylaw/2010/10/child-maintenance-when-should-...
I agree with Annith: Telling
I agree with Annith: Telling your Son that SD is an adult and is spending more time with her family. The main thing is to make sure he knows it has nothing to do with him. At least you won't have to expose your son to the crazy stuff as he gets older and more impressionable. Thank your lucky starts she is staying out of your lives.
You asked if any of us have experienced this. It's been almost 4 years since SD darkened our doorstep. After 20+ years of abuse I banned her from our home and gave DH the option of leaving if he wanted to. He chose to stay. SD has not acknowledged his existence since. At first he was calling her all of the time but she continued to treat him like he didn't exist. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. But continued rejection becomes stale. Eventually DH quit calling and begging. Her loss.
When we married she was a true 'mini-wife'. She and DH would act like the happy couple, walking side-by-side on a sidewalk 5 paces ahead of me, as if I didn't exist. For years SD would treat me like I was stupid and juvenile, even making comments to the effect. As of today I could care less what name she wants to use or if I ever hear from her again.
It's been 5 years since we
It's been 5 years since we have seen msd. The last time I saw her I had been invited to her baby-shower at bm's. I really didn't want to go as I felt I would just be mentally beat up but dh did not want msd to feel rejected. I made a beautiful diaper tricycle and went to the shower. I was treated fine by everyone and thought "wow" we can all finally at least be kind to one another. From that time till now she has chosen to be estranged from us. It hurt my dh deeply. I too was deeply hurt. There is just a special hurt when someone does not want you around their baby.
Today, I am very thankful she is not in our lives. She always had a cloud of strife surrounding her when ever we were around. It get's old always being treated like the enemy.
It will be hard. Personally, I would not call her or chase her in any way. Not so much as a birthday card, nothing! We had been rejected over and over long before the estrangement. As Sandye said, "continued rejection becomes stale".
Hope you heal quickly and move on with your life.
My SD texted me out of the
My SD texted me out of the blue one day to inform me she was "withdrawing from the family." It wasnt for anything we did or didn't do, but she was angry at someone else in the family. My kids and I were quite hurt as we were all very close. I had a couple weeks depression over it, then said fuck this. It happens a lot. If I could go back, I'd make sure none of us got close to her. Stepkids do this all the time when BM is unpleasant and manipulating.
Yeah. My kids don't want
Yeah. My kids don't want anything to do with her. There is still some pain, though, my 25 year old daughter was quite close with her and she cried today when we picked her up to go to the family Christmas party (my husband's side). It is the first time she has seen SD since the little snake gave us a surprise text with the big dramatic announcement she was withdrawing from the family. My poor daughter... I wish none of us had loved SD.
Thanks all for your
Thanks all for your insightful and heartfelt responses, I'm so sorry we're all going through this crap, not as much for myself as I am for DH and our kids, and of course his new granddaughter.....she will never even know her papi I suspect.... Like said here,these family feuds tend to just go on and on.... I knew years ago SD would get pregnant as soon as she turned 18 and voila! I knew for sure when she was all happy and sweet when her sister was born .... sd must be pregnant herself .... And yep she was indeed!! Over night she had the power she so desperately been waiting for ..... To have something to really pull away from her dad, her baby. And as soon as baby girl was born it started..... She made him choose, her and baby or wife, me. Well, he has chosen, and now it's all my fault , from her point of view. I made him chose apparantly. FFS! Excuse my language..... So now the ultimate passive aggressive act of shutting her dad out, not just of her life, but his granddaughters too. Makes me sick.
Fortunately, our son is wise and very emotionally sensitive, or attuned I'd like to say. He adores hius big sister.... But he has always been wary of her. I guess when you have someone around who constantly put your dad, your hero, down over petty stuff and just generally pour out vile language in your presence, it's bound to make one wary of you.... Have to say, I'm happy our daughter is so young she won't even know she has a big sister. And I would be extremely cautious about 'inviting' her back into our life. I do feel sad for her.... That's just my nature. She has an extremely posionous mother pulling her down with her in to her bitter cave of self pity, fear, jealousy and low self esteem.... List is long.
I have always known this day was coming. I feel pain seeing dh realise more and more each day that his precious first child has grown up into the same kind of woman as the one he despises and left! It must be utterly confusing loving a child when they are the copy of someone you can't stand.....
^^^^^ yes! For DH it's
^^^^^ yes! For DH it's bittersweet and for me sweet, two to one..... Sweet it is.
Sometimes toxic people, even
Sometimes toxic people, even if they are our family, have to be written off. Not easy but occassionally it has to be done. DH needs to focus on the young child the two of you are raising write off his toxic elder spawn. He can keep a journal and when his G-kid is 18 he can approach for a relationship that does not include that child's mother. The journal can be a good record and story of his thoughts and feelings during the G-kid's childhood.
IMHO of course.