Pitfalls of having a SD live across the street
Well SD30 is in town, and I want to disengage. But I stumble in to the living room and open the shades as usual, and there is her car across the street. Ugh.
She is in town visiting and is currently staying at SD33 who lives across the street. (thanks DH)
I don't want to even SEE her coming and going.
Now SD33 (across the street) has 2 kids and a husband in a 3 bedroom house. It's crowd and I don't know where she even sleeps.
BM has a 2 story house (thanks DH) with a finished basement with living area...and SD30 will not spend the night at her BM's. Funny thing is, she just brought BM back home after spending nearly a month with her.
I don't get it.
She just uses BM as a babysitter so she & her husband and her friends can get out on the town and party. Apparently drugs and alcohol don't bother her, in a babysitter.
I also occasionally, depending upon her drug intake/mood/whatever....have to see BM come & go. And BM's parents...who always stare the house down. BM's dad will even pull in if DH is outside and talk to him, but won't say a word to me.
I think I'd have to move. All
I think I'd have to move. All those constant reminders? No way.
tell me about it
tell me about it
I am not peeking at the
I am not peeking at the neighbors I get up lot open blinds for light and cats every day and what should I do ? Close my eyes? Lol
I can only imagine the
I can only imagine the constant drama, prying eyes and not feeling like you can leave your windows open and let the sunshine in. Hire a landscaping company to line the entire front of the property with tall shrubs. I may have to do this because ss30 told dh that he wanted to look for a house in our neighborhood. I gave a polite smile but was screaming NOOOOOOOOOO inside my head.
Good Lord, why does she live
Good Lord, why does she live across the street? I would go nuts.
Every now and then, when we will see a house for sale in our area, DH will jokingly say, "We could buy that for SD." NO to buying her house (even if we won the lottery) and double HELL NO would I want her living anywhere near me.
Not because I dislike her, but because she is very immature, needy, and a co-dependent. We would not have a minute's peace. Plus, I might be expected to act like a grandma to her kids. Not interested.
She lives across street
She lives across street because she got pregnant at 18 and lived in the projects with her baby daddy and dh felt sorry for her and gave her an acre off his farm to build a house on and somehow they managed to get a building loan. He had a rental house across the street which is where we live now. He moved there after his divorce and when we got married I sold my house....he will never move away . Deep roots here.
his ex lives less than a 1/2
his ex lives less than a 1/2 mile down the road. she has to pass our house if she drives anywhere...we don't pass hers.
I just found out SD30 was in
I just found out SD30 was in the house last night and I didnt even know it! I was home, in back bedroom on exercise bike with music cranked up, DH asked me this morning, you didnt even know SD was here did you? I was so mad. I specifically told him yesterday I did not want her here. But he sat in the living room with blinds open, and her being across the street could see him. He said well she showed up and knocked on the door, what was I supposed to do? How about close the damned blinds. And ask her to CALL instead of dropping in unannounced.
Then he could have simply said, I will come over there to see YOU.
I mean I could have walked in the room naked or anything....had no idea she was here, and he didn't bother to come warn me that she was here.
I have told him this is going to be resolved one way or another. He can do it, or I will.
First he tells me he will tell her.... which is code for, he will say I don't like her and don't want her here.
No. How about, _____ feels that since things have gone from bad to worse between the two of you, based on YOUR behavior that she doesn't feel comfortable around you, and she feels you haven't changed despite what you say...so it would be best if you and I see each other elsewhere.
Put the blame where it belongs. Don't make me out to sound like the problem, when she started all this crap 5 years ago.
I am so mad. I feel guilty because she IS his daughter and he lives here too, but I don't feel like I should have to sacrifice just to put up with her head games and passive aggressive behavior.
I pointed out that his other daughter, whom I am sure has talked about me, has been welcomed in to the house. Recently too. I said you want to know the difference? She hasn't called you complaining about me, hasn't called you crying, doesn't act like she is an only child, and she hasn't tried to cause trouble between us, and she has never disrespected me when we talked. Unlike SD30. I said if SD30 could act mature, stop playing games, she might be welcome in the house too. His other SD36 came by for father's day....I didn't object.
But you aren't going to cause drama and play head games and think you are welcome here.
well since I sold my house,
well since I sold my house, lost my job of 23 years and my husband is 63 and never lived out of a 3 mile area, that won't be happening. Wish it could. We live on land that was once part of his dad's farm, and he played as a child. His mother and some other family members all live close. The EX lives just down the road in the house he built when they were married. Rumor has it, she is going to sell. But it hash't happened YET. Been 7 years.
I am finding what you do
I am finding what you do impossible. I am not great at hiding my emotions/feelings. I can't even fake it anymore. I used to, with her. But it escalated, and DH did not see her actions. He also has pushed her off on me at times. Like surprise!!! She is here! No warning. And if she did come over here, she would not allow me to ignore her...she would and has made a point to ask me dumb questions, etc to engage me in conversation. Makes her look good to daddy. I am not able to be rude enough to ignore her if she spoke to me, and if I did, well that makes her look good to DH and me, bad. She knows I don't want her here, because DH keeps making excuses why she can't and meets her elsewhere, so she has came twice now, to show me she could.
If I tried to act like you do, and just keep doing whatever, if she were here, ..DH would accuse me of being mean, rude, whatever and say she is trying to be nice and it's all ME not talking to HER. Ive tried going to other room, going outside or leaving when she was here, and she says I avoid her and she doesn't know WHY. I once tried to tell her WHY... she kept saying she wanted time with her dad, so I was giving her what she wanted, alone time with dad. She told me that's not what she wanted, that she wants a relationship with BOTH of us. But her actions prove otherwise. She only says that because she knows thats what daddy wants to hear. And she has a 3 year old and a 1 year old. And last time she came over the one year old was crawling up my leg. How do I get around that? Makes me seem like a heartless bitch but reality is, I chose to not get attached to her kids because I know she plays emotional blackmail and games with them. Guarding myself.
I admire your ability to not
I admire your ability to not engage or let it get to you. I get so pissed.
I want to engage with this
I want to engage with this step so bad it hurts. And by engage I mean set her straight. If you could say something to her, what would YOU say...about her being welcome at the house or not and WHY.
Ive tried to set boundaries.
Ive tried to set boundaries. Like one is, she ain't welcome here! But I personally have not told her that, and he will not. Instead makes excuses why she can't come and goes to her. Before it got to this point, I did tell her she needed to tell her dad when she was coming to town, if she wanted him to be able to see her. She got rude and said she did tell him every single time. He denies this. But I have found out there have been times he knew and probably forgot, he is busy and does forget things, and other times, just didn't tell me, because he didn't want to discuss it.
So I told her well he forgets. so text ME and let ME know when you are coming and I can see to it that something is arranged. That has never happened.
She refuses to tell me when she is coming to town.
So I have spoke with DH and told him, he needs to tell her to give him notice and make plans in advance...instead of her showing up. That has never happened either. She may call and say Im coming next week, but doesn't say when, and they don't make plans on a day to get together. This is a girl who just wants to pop in whenever it's convenient for her. Meaning after she's seen her friends and everyone else, and he is last.
After finding out she was here last night, I talked to DH again, and said, maybe you need to take the initiative and make plans with HER and go with her and the kids to park, or out to eat...whatever. Pin her down to a day and a time. Don't sit back and wait for her to come to you. he says he is going to take care of it. Handle it different. But I've heard that before.
Just a thought. Maybe I
Just a thought. Maybe I should text her and tell her she is allowed at the house now, as long as she doesn't engage in talking about me behind my back to other family or discuss me with her dad behind my back anymore. That'd probably make her mad enough to stay away LOL!!!!