New here. Need others who can relate so I don't feel CRAZY
Hi all. I need a place to come vent where people understand and not judge me and what I am going through. My husband has 3 bio kids from 1st marriage and he ale adopted his ex's daughter when he got married. She was 3. He now has a total of 10 grandkids age range 22 to 1. I have no children of my own and this is my 2nd marriage. My hubby is 17 years older than me. H wis 63, I am 46.
I have issues with his adult daughters from the start. Most of it is passive aggression that he as a man, does not see or believe.
When we got married, we were pretty much blackballed from the grandkids. The parents made excuses why we could not see them or take some, to church.
Most of the issues all started with his youngest. That was 5 years ago, she is now 30. She has 4 year old and a 1 year old. She has always acted jealous of me. Told him he should think twice before marrying me. So many things.
Seems she has recruited everyone in to not liking me. The ex, their mother, lives a block down the road in the house where they raised the kids. They were married for 29 years, she initiated the divorce.
This is just a start. I could write for hours. I just need a place to vent where people UNDERSTAND. Seems no one I know, does. And husband doesn't want to see it or hear it.
About a year ago. I completely disengaged from all his daughters and gave up on trying to see any grandkids. I have recently began spending time with the two grandkids who live near us. (across the street) Ages 14 and 10 and some time with their parents.
The bio grandmother is not in the picture much. She has mental issues, drinks, and does drugs. But it seems every time I do things for the grandkids, up she pops. And DH's youngest daughter, also seems to be jealous. Suddenly she takes the 14 year old girl GD and her mother (the ex) home with her, 4 hours away, to visit at her house for awhile. And then the Facebook games begin.
I deleted all of them from FB a year ago. Because DH's youngest, does not have her own FB so she logs on under her sister or mom's account and tries to creep on my page. I was friends with her sister, so she could see my page, otherwise it is private. She would call my husband and insinuate one of my posts was about HER. Well the 14 year old granddaughter has been posting PUBLIC photos, but I believe it it actually her MOTHER (my SD) posting these things.
Nothing my husband and I ever do for them gets a FB photo or comment. But her bio grandmother, her bio grandmothers DAD (GGF) gets a fathers day shout out and my husband, the grandfather gets nothing. Nothing for my husbands's birthday in July, but his ex got a big photo montage on her birthday thanking her for all she does for them. She does NOTHING for them. The 14 yo granddaughter is very sweet and likes me and her grandfather. And I really don't believe she is doing this. I think it is her mom. They figure I will look at her page sooner or later...and like a dummy, I do. I know my SD uses the Facebook account because when I was friends with her on FB, she would be on it during day while kid was at school. I'll post more later. This is just a start.
Welcome! You are in good
Welcome! You are in good company here
Have you thought about deactivating your Facebook acct for awhile and taking a break from the daily drama?
Yes but I like my friends. I
Yes but I like my friends. I just need to not look at THEIR pages
Use the Block Function in
Use the Block Function in Facebook. Block everyone you don't want to see, and you won't see it. Also, they won't be able to see you. It's quite simple...there's no reason to get hurt feelings because of their relationship with others, just block it and let it go.
You are not required by any magic social media law to let ANYONE see your facebook page.
And, you are not even a little bit crazy.
Use the Block Function in
Use the Block Function in Facebook. Block everyone you don't want to see, and you won't see it. Also, they won't be able to see you. It's quite simple...there's no reason to get hurt feelings because of their relationship with others, just block it and let it go.
You are not required by any magic social media law to let ANYONE see your facebook page.
And, you are not even a little bit crazy.
Welcome to ST You're not
Welcome to ST
You're not alone. And all the step(s) are not worth your time or energy. Let DH deals with them.
A.
Your not crazy. I understand
Your not crazy. I understand completely how you feel. I also joined this sight so I could be able to vent. Unfortunately,I have no good advice you,because I am in need as well. Good luck on your journey thru hell.
Thank you!!
Thank you!!
FaceBook causes LOTS of
FaceBook causes LOTS of family problems. I am in one right now!!!! I wish there were a better way to stay in touch without everyone seeing what you post. people are going to misconstrue whatever you post and then we get offended by what we see too. It is very hurtful all around.
Yes I have gradually deleted
Yes I have gradually deleted almost all my husbands family that was on Facebook. His daughter posted a birthday photo montage TRIBUTE to dear mom (his ex) for her birthday, pretending it was actually from her 13 year old. It thanked grandmother (DH's ex) for all she did for them! (nothing) And then one of my sister in laws wished her a happy birthday on the post and said to stop in and see us sometime. Which means, stop in at my MIL's house and see them all when the family is gathered. Uh HELL NO. When I messaged my SIL that that hurt and me nor my husband were for that...no reply. OK so I know where I stand! I then messaged one of the other SIL and she set me straight and defended her sister and said that the EX would always be a part of their family etc. And basically said she didnt care what me or her brother (DH) thought! I was so hurt. DH ended up calling her and she said she didnt say anything she thought would hurt my feelings. He told her his ex was NOT family and she shouldn't have said that to me. I now refuse to go to family functions. I don't need this crap. SIL also took this opportunity to stick her nose in my biz and told me I needed to step up to the plate with my husband's kids, that when I married him, what was his became mine and I should treat them as such. How naive. I am supposed to treat grown women like my own? I tried being friends with them, that backfired. I told her that she was naive and that my husbands kids knew what I had or had not done and I didnt have to explain myself to HER. Some of his family blame ME for lack of relationship with his daughters and grandkids. I tried!!! We fought and fought over all this, he & I. Finally I said MO MORE to the youngest. (and pretty much the other 3)
She is not welcome in this house. I don't trust her here if I left, so I told him he could visit her elsewhere. I believe she would nose through my things and possibly steal things.
I have a SIL like that. I
I have a SIL like that. I refuse to speak to her beyond "Hello." and "Goodbye".
I have a SIL whose
I have a SIL whose pathological need to reconcile our fractured family has caused her to do all sorts of shady, manipulative things to forward her agenda. She really went sideways after DH and I disengaged from her buddy OSD. My last straw was when she sent a group text to SIL2 & DH, mocking me and encouraging them to join in. Who does that?? DH and I have complete transparency in our relationship, often use each other's cell phones, and she knows this. Stooping to meddling in our marriage earned her a place on my banned list.
dadswife, you're not alone.
dadswife, you're not alone. You start to feel like it's just you, but then you realize that there are many of us experiencing the same nonsense with our adult step-daughters. My husband and I have been together almost 4 years and married for 1 1/2. We were both divorced after long term marriages, and we each have 3 adult children. When we announced that we were going to get married, the only one who had a problem was his 32 year old daughter, who is married with a child of her own. She never congratulated us or asked anything about the wedding plans. Her and her husband attended the wedding, but she pouted the whole night and left early. She never said one word to me at the wedding. She is miffed that she is no longer the center of daddy's attention. She actually complained to her brother that her dad didn't send her a Valentine's Card that year (1 week before our wedding). Time spent with her is not enjoyable because I get the feeling that she just wishes that I would go away. She blew off her Dad on Father's Day, calling one hour after she said she was coming by to say the baby was sick. My husband was disappointed, but not surprised.
When he and his ex-wife were divorcing (before I met him), his daughter and son-in-law sent him "hate mail", blaming him for everything. It was none of their business. It makes me crazy that no matter what she does all is forgiven whenever she throws a crumb of attention his way.
yes thats how it works, turn
yes thats how it works, turn blind eye for a crumb of attention. Sad.
dadswife, we went out for
dadswife, we went out for supper the other night with her, her husband, their 2 year old, and my husband's other grandchild (from his son). It was painful to be stuck at a table in a restaurant for 1 1/2 hours with them. The last time we had all gone out was Father's Day a few years ago when my husband paid for the meal. She texted Daddy last night to thank him for dinner and how we should do it more often. No thanks were thrown my way.
i feel for you. welcome to
i feel for you. welcome to st.
with skids the dynamic is different for female children because of the jealousy of daughters. when they are certainly younger (teens) they see a second wife as a romantic rival. i had this happen to me.
you cant win. its best that you put yourself first as you will never be first in the eyes of your husband. be your own best friend. your husband does not have a clue. if he did you would not feel this way.
you are not crazy. you are simply experiencing the same crap that most of us do on the board.
Welcome to ST! We have A LOT
Welcome to ST!
We have A LOT in common.
DH is 59 and I'm 40 - a 19-year gap. His elder two - SS32 and SD28 - have been demonising me to the whole family since Day One. The Ex and DH were married for 30 years. She initiated the separation (under the same roof) in the last decade and forced the divorce on him when it happened.
Will lookout for your posts!
PS. "The woman that dad is married to"? That'd be me. }:)
Your husband called you a
Your husband called you a bitch to his kids? I'd be contacting an attorney along with the counselor - that way all options would be open.