Moving in to a home where SK are living in.   What did you expect?  This is your problem to solve.  As your problem is not everyone else's problem.
One way to solve it is to go halves with DH and buy another home.  Telling SK they have leave, not invited into new home. 

That way you can paint it decorated it the way you both want.

I sincerely hope you aren't paying more than 25% of rent, utilities, groceries, etc. 

Have you told him how you feel about this? That you'd rather have a love nest with the man in your life than have three roommates... That you got all of that out of your system when you were a student? 

You really should have discussed this prior to moving in.  Your DH doesn't seem to mind his kids living there and if he's offering to paint their rooms they don't plan on leaving.

You will have to have a heart-to-heart with your DH about you needing more ownership of the home.  The decisions about the hoome and decorations should be between husband and wife. The kids are old enough - if they don't like the new arrangement they are free to move out.

Or as Harry says talk to DH about a new home between just the two of you.  

I wouldn't want to live in a home with two adult kids making all the choices.  Even picking the vet for our dog...ridiculous.

My situation is one with a 29 year old stepson, living at home and not paying rent.  Sooooo frustrating.  We are a blended family of 4 children/adults.  The other 2 older stepchildren have moved out.   We've lived together for 8 years.  Stepson was going to college when we first moved in together.  Then he dropped out and just found a local job.  He isn't going anywhere and doesn't contribute to the household in anyway.  I just want to say I understand your frustration.  I am going to try to find a counselor I can speak to so I can get my frustration out with a impartial third party and see if there is anything I can do to improve the situation.  There's also always marriage counseling to discuss your and your husbands feelings.  Just a thought and where I'm at at this point.  Good luck with whatever you decide and welcome to a group we can air our feelings.

Tess

Burning platform!

Time to light the burning platform that forces them to launch.  Chore lists, loooonnnnnngggggggg and miserable chore lists.  Rent................. uncomfortably high rents......................  PW protect the WiFi and only activate in when  you want to use it.

Conceptually I have no problem with multigenerational homes.  In fact, it is likely what my DW and I will do with my parents at some point. But... it has to be equitable and not a burden or invasive to the Sr. couple in the mix.  In a blended family marriage where the parent brings a new mate into a multigenerational home the odds of success are probably slim and none at best.

The woman of the house is your SD. You are the bed warmer that has to earn your keep, not a wife.

You pay rent, but they dont. That sayz it all girl. You are not on equal ground. Somehow you paying rent "allows" you to be there but for the adult skids its a given that its their home.  It isnt a bad thing you do your share BUT then this needs to apply to ALL adults in the home.

Best case your skids leave. Otherwise do you see any longevity in this marriage?

I think you should talk to him about what the plan is - is he allowing them to stay there to pay off debt, and then does he expect them to move out on their own? Since you did move in without really discussing it, it doesn't seem reasonable for you to just start kicking them out.

I too hope you aren't paying more than your fair share.

I wouldn't have moved in and I certainly wouldn't be paying HALF the rent.

Yeah, I had this dilemma with ex. 

I didn't move in in the end, but at one stage we were discussing it. However, I could not reconcile with the fact that his adult daughter was (still is) living there rent free, parking in the internal access garage, and not lifting a finger around the place.

I said that if I did move in, I would pay a third share of the bills, and because I would be contributing financially, would expect to have her parking space in the garage.

But I just couldn't have lived there, with her. It would have done my head in.

OP, as other posters have said, your BF is treating you like a paying flatmate with benefits.

His kids aren't going anywhere.

Move on...

kids.

The message is crystal clear. He's choosing (& it is HIS CHOICE. and you agreed to it) charging you rent, while they live expense free so they can pay off debt. Let that sink in for a minute or two, then ask yourself, is this the life you can see yourself living until "dead?" The longer it's permitted to happen, the more set in their ways everyone will become. Once roles and routines are established, it is very difficult to justify or champion change.

Do you need to live cheaply? Why did you agree to this arrangement?

I agree. If kids were there first, with no prior agreement to you moving in, you have little authority to facilitate change, as they will say, "You knew this before you moved in." What argument do you have in your defense? None. And should you propose change, there are 3 people who will adamantly oppose you. If you think your "man" will stand beside you in getting them to move out, you're sadly mistaken, as these "men" (& I use the terms loosely) will always choose their "kids."

You are the low woman on their totem pole. Work, bring home your "fair share" of the rent, and get up and do it all over again.

No thank you.

Your boyfriend doesn't want to move to a new house. Well, goody for him. What do YOU want? Or does he just get to make that unilaterial decision despite your unhappiness? Or, does he not anticipate a long-term relationship with you, so he figures why get an "ours" house? Or, is he just lazy?

Paying off debts (college loans, credit cards, mortgages, car loans, etc.) is a normal part of adult life. I could see an adult child living back at home for a short time and with a plan to launch, but this ongoing lack of a plan would send me out the door pretty quickly, especially if my needs and wants weren't any part of the equation. 

I would at least be splitting the rent amount and other bills by the number of adults in the house. If DH wants to pay for all of his lot fair enough.

I have in laws who lived this communal lifestyle in FIL's house. He kept refinancing it to stay afloat while subsidizing his adult female offspring, and died nearly flat broke as a result. Never remarried, never even had a gf because what female would put up with that?

You made a mistake by moving into your bf's home while his preexisting parasitic arrangement with his adult kids still existed. In doing so, you 1) tacitly agreed to the dynamic, and 2) gave up all your leverage to effect change.

Hopefully you've been able to save quite a bit, because you have two choices: stay and be unhappy, or move out. If you leave, you can still date him. But keep in mind, this guy isn't really looking for someone to build a life with. He already has what he wants, and just wants a female for sex. You have to look out for your own interests.

I understand what you’re going through. You’re married & your husband should give the stepadults a timeframe like 6 months at the most to move out. Time to go out & make it in the world.  At 24 & 27, it’s time for them to go.  You & your husband should be left there to enjoy your married life without having to put up with the stepadults still living in the house.  

  Good luck to you & hang in there.