New Year, New Me
“Disengaging” didn’t work for me
Being soft, internalizing my stress put me in the hospital
See my new signature? I’m Mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!
I reprinted “Under One Roof” contract (for Adult Children living at home)
This time; I have added language which clearly states the repercussions for not complying with the contract… a raise in rent for not helping out with housework or eating food which isn’t theirs and eviction for not paying rent.
I also added signature lines.. for me, SS26, GF20, DH and myself.
I will KEEP the signed copy they can have a blank for their own edification.
I am also going to the hardware store and I am buying new door knobs for the front door and the door from the garage.
I realized that can text them all I want to bug the shit out of them for chores, but they’re not doing them. I can take their food when they eat ours… it doesn’t matter
I had two containers of leftovers for lunch for DH and I when I went to bed last night, there was one when I woke up this morning. I took a HUGE can of tuna from SS’s shelf and wrote on it with a sharpie: “Bob” (names have been changed) “Mark” ate your lunch, you can have THIS today”
So, I am not going to internalize this anymore, I’m not going to be the house maid to these two so-called adults, who act like they live in a hotel, rent free.
My New Year Resolution is to enforce the contract, to be the parent that my husband is refusing to be to his son, by forcing SS to live and act like an adult, rather than a man/child with no responsibilities.
If they don’t like it, they can find some place else to live.
If my husband doesn’t like it, he can sleep on the couch or in the spare room, he can do his own grocery shopping, cook his own meals, clean his own bathroom, kitchen, etc…
Hear me roar! (Wonder how long they’ll continue to live with us when they have to pay rent AND do chores???)
(I want to drop the contract on these two tonight… I don’t know what their schedule is, because they come and go whenever they want, so I will keep you all updated on the situation)
Thanks, Maux~ I forwarded a
Thanks, Maux~
I forwarded a copy to my SD30. I wanted to see what she thought, (this is her brother, after all)
She e-mailed me back and said that she's 100% behind me, and if I need for her to call at any time during the night, tonight, to text her.
I have the feeling that the shit is going to hit the fan, but to be honest, I'm past the point of caring about that anymore.
I don't believe I'm being unreasonable. I'm not telling them to move out, I'm telling them that in order to live in OUR home, they have to contribute.
End
Of
Story
Good for you, and good luck.
Good for you, and good luck. Now please make sure you actually ENFORCE the contract, otherwise they might as well wipe their asses with it. Also make sure your S/O is going to back you up.
that was what happened last
that was what happened last year with the first 'contract'
we discussed it, I left it out for them to sign, they emptied the dishwasher a few times and paid rent twice and then effectively said "F-you" to both of us and the contract and it disappeared off the desk, never signed, never to be seen again.
not this year. I have turned over a new leaf. This lady ain't going to play along with the coddling and the wussification of a 26 year old "man" any longer!
Maybe the health scare is what finally woke me up, maybe it's the fact that it's been 13 months since the g/f moved in and SS left another bank statement out, which showed he had less than $100 in his checking and savings accounts...
compound that with my seeing so many of his cousins and even my own daughter, who are able to get along on their own, married with children, and NOT living at home!
Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
I'm done being the maid to two extra adults and their baby (who is now crawling on the floor, you'd think that she would be concerned enough to vacuum every once in a while)
I'm done cleaning up every weekend, while those two get to go off and do whatever they please.
I'm done with food in my refrigerator and pantry going missing
I'm done supporting them, while she gets her hair higlighted and her nails manicured,new cell phones, new shoes, boots, clothes ALL THE TIME and while he comes home with craft-brew beers which cost $18.00 for a quart and Mount Gay rum, $100 sneakers, a new playstation...
done
done
done
done
I am not going to take it anymore!
I am liberating these thoughts from my mind and will be directing them toward their intended audience, hopefully in just a few hours.
I am done worrying that saying what I'm thinking will hurt someone's feelings.
I am done worrying that my husband might get mad/hurt/upset/frustrated with my words or actions in regard to this subject.
I am done putting these people before me. Right now, the only people in the world that I really even care about are my own bio kids, my step-daughter and myself.
Where are they getting the
Where are they getting the money for nail and highlighting treatments, cell phones, craft brew, etc.? If they have enough for that they have enough to go out on their own. They may have to give up a few nail treatments and a few brewskies. So what? They need to be out.
you are 100% correct
you are 100% correct sandye21! I have been going without my own personal pampering for nearly an entire year, because of supporting these two freeloaders. She spends every meager paycheck she gets on herself, and then cries to the SS "I don't have enough gas to get back and forth to school this week" Gee, I guess you should have thought of that BEFORE you got your nails done, or BEFORE you got those new boots!
:sick:
He takes ANYTHING leftover after paying his "other" bills and spends THAT on himself.
my husband and I bought every single major purchase for the baby...crib, pack-n-play, high chair, changing table, car seat... they buy diapers, cothes and baby food.
the g/f is on medicaid (I think that's what you call it) as is the baby, so their healthcare is "free"
her car is paid for (by her grandmother before she passed away) the SS pays her car insurance & her cell phone and gives her money for gas.
his personal bills are a car payment, insurance, credit card (why Or how he racked up a credit card bill, is beyond me!)
His healthcare is covered by his employer who pays 80% so it’s very little out of his check.
He works less than 15 minutes from home, so he spends little on gas to and from work.
I had offered to cover food for them when they first moved in, that turned out to be a disaster which led to his fake proclamation “I’ll buy all of my own food”
Which was total bullshit, because he spent $100 at the grocery store ONCE and declared all of that food to be HIS and then proceeded to eat whatever the hell he wanted in my kitchen anyway!
So as you can see, for a guy that’s making nearly $40,000 a year (gross) his actual expenses are very little.
They’re both self-centered spoiled rotten children. My husband allowed this son of his live like a coddled brat and never applied the same rules he had for his daughter to his son…(if you're a full time student, you can live home and not pay rent, but you still have chores. If you stay home after school, you have to work full time and pay rent, and you STILL Have chores)My Step-daughter had no problem living by these rules, yet somehow they were never applied to the son!
Now we’re BOTH paying the price of his lack of rule enforcement.
Since that obviously has not worked out, I have decided to just take over the situation.
Good luck! I mean it.
Good luck! I mean it. Sometimes you have to be a flaming bitch to get some peace!
I am a flaming bitch, and I
I am a flaming bitch, and I have no problems with it.
I had a Craigslist posting ready to go at a moment's notice if
the money that was supposed to be on the table every Friday night was not there.
Clothing, games, tv, etc. Pay your rent or I become a pawnbroker.
My home, my possessions. Flaming bitch... I should put it on a tee shirt.
that's a really good idea,
that's a really good idea, maybe I'll go up and take inventory tonight ater work!
Good for you cpreston! You
Good for you cpreston! You GO girl! Let them have it! Boy oh boy, am I looking forward to your updates!
Nothing last night. there
Nothing last night. there was an argument between my husband and his son about the baby's 1st birthday (more drama) which led them to make themselves scarce until we went to bed.
Today I sent my husband an e-mail (we don't have time to talk in the morning and I knew last night wasn't a good time to try to deal with him about this)
I sent him a copy of the new contract and said "this is a discussion that NEEDS to be had" and basically laid it out. They HAVE To start paying rent and they HAVE to start doing chores around the house, or else!
THey NEED to know that this is what is expected of them. I told him that I WILL NOT continue to be used in the manner in which I have been for the last 13 months
I have yet to receive a reply from my husband. I don't know what the SS and GF schedule is this evening, but now my husband knows that I plan on dropping this bomb on those two at the first opportunity that they are both present in the home.
I feel like an ass... his
I feel like an ass... his reply was I agree with everything you said, but today would have been (his other son's) birthday so I don't think that anyone of us is in the mood to discuss this tonight.
DH had a son who died when he was 17
ugh! I feel like an ass! I didn't even notice what day it was! Nobody gives me heads up on these dates!
cpreston, I wouldn't beat
cpreston, I wouldn't beat yourself up. We are all so used to the expected responses from our spouses that it completely throws us for a loop when (and if!) they respond differently.