Good riddance to bad rubbish.

My lovely SD30 went on a tirade. Told daddy she would never speak to him or see him again until he divorces me. She then proceeded to attack him via the Internet and she said horrible things about my DH, my kids and myself. Apparently she is upset that daddy isn't sending her lots of money anymore and he choosing to support "the strangers he lives with" (my kids and I) instead of supporting her; his precious daughter. (She really said this).
Prior to this happening, princess was trying to arrange a meeting with DH and BM as she wanted to "discuss" the reasons why her parents divorced when she was a baby! Hahahahaha!!!! What a loon! Needless to say, that didn't happen.
Now princess has been out of our lives for 3 years and it's been bliss. My DH came to terms with what a manipulative, spoiled brat she is. We are very happy without her drama. I didn't go into great detail regarding my spoiled, wacko, princess SD but it sounds so similar to your scenario except for the fact that my SD had her little tantrum when she was sober!. Why is it that these adult SD's are so jealous of their fathers finding love and having a life? I once asked my DH "does she expect you to divorce me to please her? So, if you leave me Is she planning on laying next to you at night to keep you warm? Is she going to be there when you get home to hear about how your day went"? You get the idea. The answer is that she won't be there and that no matter what my DH does, he will never be able to make her happy as she is a narcissist/sociopath and she doesn't even know herself what would make her happy. These spoiled adult princess brats just want to watch their daddies do handstands trying to please them while they try to dream up new and exciting ways to manipulate their fathers. Truth be told, they don't love their fathers and they don't care about them. If they did, they would want them to be happy. These types of people can't ever be pleased. They always want more.
Good riddance; I'm so glad she's gone. Stupid brat.

"The next day my husband texts her and apologized for what was his part (what he said to set her off) and wanted to sit down and talk just the two of them. She rejected his apology and said have a nice life with your family. "

What did he say "to set her off"?

Wow, I can almost understand when younger step kids get upset like this but she's an adult who has had adult relationships, surely she can be a bit more open-minded about this? And to stop her dad seeing his grand-kids is making those kids suffer for no reason. She needs to grow up and get over this.
Sorry, that's not particularly helpful for your situation but I'm not sure what else you can do. I hope things calm down and she sees sense.

Your SD has serious mental problems. The issues with your DH are deep and nothing you can do will help. He needs to let her go as she will continue with the emotional blackmail for years to come.

Stop buying the step gkids gifts. If they didn't come to visit for Christmas then this shows you that she doesn't want to be involved with you and DH.

Best wishes.

SD's behavior is so immature, but I've come to realize that many grown steps never resolved their issues from the past and they're still stuck in the dysfunctional parent/child dynamic. Steps need to realize that you can't "fix" the past, mommy and daddy aren't getting back together. It's time to move on, grow up and live YOUR life.

After DH and I married we had a few months to ourselves since my boys were with their father for the summer. School was starting soon so I moved them in and got them settled. When ss30 found out he started crying...yes, crying. "What?! Your kids are going to live here? I had no idea how to deal with a grown man crying because his step siblings were going to take over his old room.

I've tried to be sensitive to DH's sons who lived in this home from Jr. high and up, but I have to live my life and allow my kids to live theirs too. Skids are adults with their own lives. ss30 now lives w/his gf in mommy's house and ss26 lives with wife, his own skid 8, and baby 3, in IL's house. I believe the saving grace for me w/my relationship w/ss26 and family is the fact that he is a step parent too. He literally cannot hate on his father (openly) about having skids live with him when he's doing the same.

This is hard...it is hard for you as you are on the receiving end of her lack of acceptance....more than likely her break-down and outburst was things she had built up inside her and they finally let go, they alcohol might have been what helped release her hurts and fury. It sounds like she still has not come to terms with her parents' divorce and you are the easy target. Try not to take it personally. I have been thru this myself. I have 2 stepsons whose parents divorced when the boys were 2 & 4, they have no memory of their parents being married. I met them all 3 years after the divorce, husband had full custody. It was not any easier for the boys at a young age to accept me. I was screamed at and told I was hated. My stepson at 10 years old carved her hated me in his wooden dresser top, wrote it on his calendar. It never got any better either. They boys are 34 and 32 today and I have no relationship with either one, I finally withdrew after years of being treated like this. I understand they are hurting, I understand they do not accept, I understand that they do not have to accept me and I understand that they have not come to terms of their parents divorce and my role in their lives but I also am not willing to be their punching bag.

This is EXACTLY what my fiancé's fat, lazy, lame ass SD did to me! Well, she's started with me TWICE and the second time I went bat shit crazy on here AND him! FUCK the bitch! I told his lame ass spawn don't come near me or my family or I will fuck you up! I'm sick sick sick of the disrespect. Maybe she can talk to others that way and HAS spoken others that way, but NOT ME BITCH! I don't give a flying rat's ass about her, her spoiled kids or anyone in his family for that fact. Why the hell should their happiness come before mine?!! HELL NO!!!!!!! Geez this makes me nuts as hell!! Sorry not sorry!!!!! Burn in hell and the funny thing is she works in a church LOL!!!!!!! All I can say is I will NEVER allow her back into my life nor her kids EVER!! Good riddens I could care less don't ever come to my home, yes MY home. If the fiancé wants to see the bitch do it on your own time with your money NOT our money. Life is too short to deal with these spoiled ass bitches!! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!

disengaging is a wonderful thing isn't it?

I think the worst thing your DH can do is keep sucking up to her, it gives her power and she will continue to use it.

If your DH is able to communicate to her that walking away, as much as it hurts him, is HER decision and that he will hold her accountable for walking out of his life and denying him access to his own grand-children, maybe one day she will realize the wrong she has committed

Right now she is bitter and angry and obviously jealous and resentful of you and your children. She believes by cutting your DH off, she is forcing him to choose her....when really, he shouldn't have to pick one over the other ever.

Perhaps if your husband backs way off, he is actually making her accountable for her actions. Yes that is a very difficult decision and would not be easy, but I do believe it is the right thing to do, and he does not have to feel guilty as he didn't walk away, she did

Also, grandparents have rights, and if he wanted to fight it he could gain access to see his grandchildren

Over 5 years ago I went through the same thing with my SD who is also an only child. Only skids have unique problems - especially with entitlement and sharing. I think they have a harder time accepting the divorce of their parents because they were part of a condensed family unit. They were the center of their parent's universe. Anyone who 'invades' this 'cocoon' concept is looked upon as 'the enemy'. I also think the guilt that the father experiences is greater because they see their little princess as being all alone.

I had been married to DH for over 20 years, had nothing to do with his divorce, but I got the full brunt of SD's anger and frustration from day one. She had a meltdown because I asked her and her husband to please speak up instead of having their 'sideline' conversations, mumbling to each other while I was in the same room. You were lucky that your DH had your back. Mine ran out the door instead. I informed DH that SD is not allowed in our home until he can tell her in front of me that she is to respect me as his wife. He has never done this. This means that over the 5 year period our marriage has changed somewhat so that my needs are first with me instead of his.

DH recently mentioned what SD is doing in her life to someone else. He has the right to see her or communicate with her as he wishes, but knows that I will have no part of her until I have his back. Your DH can kiss up all he wants but his actions show her that his marriage is his first priority. It just takes time but SD will get tired of it like mine did. I am sure any communication my DH has with SD is through his efforts, not hers. She never calls or acknowledges Father's Day, his birthday, Christmas, etc. Right now you may be upset but in time you will be thankful you do not have to put up with her behavior or the drama. It will be rare that you even think about her.

Your SD sounds like a very toxic person and in many ways it is fortunate she has chosen to distance herself. I appreciate though, this would at times be hurtful to your DH and consequently yourself. I think DH offering the olive branch now and then is a good thing, not something he should do constantly but definitely a couple of times a year and I envision it will be declined for quite some years. Usually people like your SD don't know how to accept an apology nor do they ever apologise, so I imagine she will keep her distance for a very long time to come. Enjoy the peace in the meantime .

I had two SM's and never mistreated them, out of respect for my Father; who by the way is going to be 100 next month. Yes, there's a big party planned; he has a girlfriend who will be attending too. My Dad is amazing and lives alone in his own home. I do not mistreat his girlfriends either.