I was very edgy
This morning. Of course I wake to the sound of DH on the phone with SD at 7 am. Saturday morning. Hearing him say Mary (me)said this and Mary said that. Smoke started billowing out of my ears. I go out to the kitchen and DH puts me on speaker. Granted I just woke up and am in no mood. SD lays on the thick sweetness. I got pretty nasty fast. Yes folks I did. Asked her where her husband was at 7 am. (She was traveling by plane for weekend .) Then I said to DH--Oh she does travel?! And SD picked up on that real fast. Texted me within two seconds how her dad doesn't communicate with me!! That she has told him she will visit "whenever he wants me to". I did not respond.
I have to think when she has kids it might ease up a bit. This enmeshment with DH.
Oh no, it will likely not ease up
Oh no, it will likely not ease up when she breeds. If anything, it will amplify when she has the GrandBaby cards to play.
Yes
You two need to see someone. Your feeling are not wrong. You are feeling it. You must work this out, you can not live like this. It's will destroy your marrage
My DH knows better than to talk to me himself first thing
My DH knows better than to talk to me himself first thing in the morning, let alone put me on speaker phone with someone else! That was simply rude. At the minimum, he needs to stop talking to her about you. That is a boundry he needs to learn to respect.
They are both getting
They are both getting something out of this or it wouldn't be happening. Most of me wants to believe that your DH is really naive and living in a fantasy world, pretending. This feels really abnormal. What is it he is striving for? My focus would be more on him and his behavior than on hers at this point. Is he trying to recapture something from years ago? How does he view his daughter? Why the hell is he on the phone with her at 7 am? And how you approach everything can be misconstrued as being the jealous wife who wants to destroy their relationship. What IS their relationship?
Great point
That this really is about him and me. Look I knew what I was getting into. I saw the enmeshment and neediness. I think she is very needy, and DH is welcoming it with open arms. He likes to pride himself on being like his father. The great communicator with all the kids. So he sees nothing wrong with it and likely many would not either. I see it as an intrusion. Maybe if it was OUR daughter it might be different I'm sure it would but I dont have ANY relationship with her. I do need to focus on him and I talking more, I suspect she is fulfilling a need in him in that it makes him feel good. How could it not? I've dealt with it for 15 years why now is it bothering me so much?
It bothers you because it is
It bothers you because it is wrong. Incestuous affairs are wrong. Whether they are emotional or both physical and emotional.
Your DH is supposed to be your DH, Not his daughter's DH who uses you as his side piece.
He needs the proverbial knee to the nads when you deliver the message that he is your DH and you and he are partners. He is not his DD's life partner.
Lather... rinse.... repeat on this message including the proverbial knee to his nads. He is being unfaithful to you and your marriage... with his daugther. That, is wrong regardless of what format that cheating takes.
IMHO.
Good luck.
Take care of you.
I love
That you got sparky with both of them. Continue with that when necessary. Maybe they'll get the hint.
I feel guilty.
Seriously. I grew up in a crazy home and was criticized all the time. I get uncomfortable when I do something like that.
I think it has made DH more aware of my feelings in that WE need to talk and have breakfast together, not him and his daughter via the cell. She did start texting him Sunday a bit later like 11 am!!??? I just ignored it. Look if she is that needy that she has to keep in contact with her father several times daily then go for it. I hate to say it but she looks like hell. Very very overweight and unkempt looking. And I am not being mean. I am overweight myself and struggle daily with it, but it seems it is what it is. A sign that all is not well with her emotionally.
I have to wonder if I did open a Pandora's box now. Before the call we kept very superficial smile smile. You know what I mean.