Entitled rude adult kids
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I have 4 stepchildren. Ages 25-32. 2 boys are tolerable and the 25 year old daughter and 31 year son are rude, entitled and we do not get along. I have tried for years to make peace and try and work things out. They do not like me but are also angry at their dad. No, there was no cheating, they just protect the mom who is single and gives them money.
question, when I need to attend a dinner and the daughter ignores me at a family table what do i do? what do you think the husband should do or say? we do not see each other frequently but as of late we have each other on ignore. its fne for me, I am done making an effort. advice?
How does your husband feel
How does your husband feel about this? Does it bother him that she ignores you? If he couldn't care less either way, I'd continue to ignore her but carry on a sparking conversation with the others at the table.
Personally, if I were at a
Personally, if I were at a dinner where someone was disrespecting me, I would walk out. I'm done making myself feel uncomfortable so others can be comfortable. Your husband is not behaving like your husband, he is kow-towing to his bully of a daughter, in my view he should call her out, and refuse to attend any more dinners until you are treated like a human being.
100%
I just luved the line " Im done making myself uncomfortable so others can be comfortable" good line to remember for any toxic sitch not just step sucky BS.
OP let your DH know " that keeping a relationship with rude people at my expense is a RED LINE. Go it alone if you feel the need to be around people who disrespect me." I agree with above your DH should be going scorched earth on SD for this behavior. He is kissing the wrong a**.
question, when I need to
My choices/recommendations (from least preferred to most preferred):
At the dinner, ask the daughter direct questions so that she is forced to acknowledge your presence. If she doesn't speak, get her alone and ask her if there is a problem. I love asking rude people if there is a problem I should be made aware of. Remain cheerful and "unaffected" by her rudeness.
Tell your husband (if he hasn't thought of it himself) that should the daughter ignore you at the table, he MUST address it--He can do so privately. But the message needs to clear that she is not to behave like a sulking 5-year-old around you.
Don't go.
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My preference through the (many) years is not to go. It keeps my life peaceful. When I did feel obligated to attend a wedding, I remained cheerful, polite, and was Mrs. Happy. At the rehearsal dinner, I got up, took my husband's hand, and moved to the Family Table. I was not going to be put off to the side like yesterday's garbage. I sat next to the evil BM and chatted her azz up (we had not had any intereaction in about a decade). Part of the reason I did this was to "do the right thing," and part of it was to show the AUDIENCE that neither I nor my husband were the monsters she painted us to be. I'll also be damned if toxic people like this will get pleasure out of me exhibiting any discomfort around them. Then we left (the reception) early.
NOTE: I haven't attended anything else with these people since then. "Done making the effort" is where I am.
I love asking rude people if
EXACTLY!
Sometimes addressing the elephant in the room is key to maving past it.
Y'all know ive had a gazillion jobs.
One of which I made outbound sales calls to old leads. Basically people who'd requested an agent give them a call but most of them had "forgotten" giving permission to contact them. So when I called them a lot of them were rude af.
I would turn that energy right back around on them, jogged their memory, and if they still kept on with the shenanigans I flat out asked them "Bob are you okay? This seems like it's not a good time for you"
Some of these roony-poo people just want to bait you into arguments that you cannot win. Don't even give them the satisfaction by stooping to their level/taking the bait.
Then they're now forced to realize they're having an adult tantrum and we either need to end the conversation (so they can take time get their mind right/let someone else be subjected to that crap bc I refuse) OR adjust their behavior instantly because I expect respect/professionalism in return since that's what I'm providing to them.
Bob are you okay?
"Bob are you okay? Its sounds like this is not a good time for you." I love this! Mind if I steal this for future rude customers?
when I need to attend a
Ignore her a$$ right back.
Petty? Perhaps.
But some people respond better when they're given a dose of their own medicine.
Ignore her from the rooter to the rooter.
When it comes to money, inheritance, time, space, resources, mental energy, etc ... she doesn't exist
Unless a genuine public apology is provided and/or your husband compensates you accordingly for his spawns unsavory behavior
Call her out directly right
Call her out directly right in front of everyone.
"Did you get out of bed this bitchy or is there a problem you would like to share with everyone? Maybe we can all help?"
Just don’t go..!
You are a adult. You don't have to go places you are not welcome and are disrespected. Let DH handle that, since he's not parenting his kids he should not be parenting you. Find something to do on those evenings.
Unfortunately when you enter a second marriage there's nothing that said the kids have to except you. The kids have to make you part of there family. These are things that need to be decided before marriage.
As. In,, your DH wanted to married you, you come first, he has your back. Even if that's means little time with his kids. No holidays, parties, ect. Just lunch at McDonald
Ignore ignore ignore
I go to family gatherings and prior to Feral Forger SD25 being a cooze and calling me a wh@re, we were polite strangers.
I am to the point where I
I am to the point where I only attend things if it's obligatory - I typically skip out on the "family dinners." If there's a holiday or a major celebration I'll be there but with my family present which allows me to focus on those I love and that love me back. I really believe there's a point or a line in the sand for most stepparents that gets crossed either too many times or crossed once in an irretrevable way and psychologically that's it for them. The clarity will come for you when you have just had enough and refuse to be treated that way any longer. You won't miss it and you won't even care to ask about it or even about them.