If you DO want to spend the rest of your life with this man, keep separate bank accounts so he can rescue his family using his own money. Then contribute equal amounts to all of your every day expenditures such as rent, etc. If you marry him though, you may be partly responsible for the payments if he has to borrow money to save other people. The odds are he is not going to change but you are fortunate to be in a position of leaving if you need to.

This sounds just like my DH. I knew he was bad with money, knew he never said no to his kids (teens and young adult at the time). I married him anyway, kept my money separate from his. But he bounced checks, paid hundreds every month in late fees and NSF fees, ran from bill collectors, and borrowed money from me to cover, then borrowed more money to give to his son for one emergency or another.

I finally had enough and told him he either got his financial act together or I was done. I meant it, and it was awful but I couldn't tolerate the way we were living. He asked me a couple of weeks later if he could borrow more money, and he was shocked that I said no. Seriously, shocked. What, I was teasing when I said to pack your shit and get out? He's not asked again.

So anyway I love this man and he agreed to face the money monster. We set up weekly financial meetings between us, set up a household budget, got some financial software to track expenses, made a calendar of recurring expenses. All this was a new concept for him. We do have separate bank accounts, with one joint account for paying joint expenses that we both contribute to but for which I am primarily in control. And guess what. He no longer bounces checks, has paid off his car loan and credit cards. Duh. I'm not sure he's ever refused a money request from his son, but I have heard him say "I don't get paid for another week so you have to wait." And 9 times out of 10 whatever imaginary crisis there was has passed. Another duh.

If you can separate out the financial irresponsibility from what is otherwise a good relationship, you might be able to survive. But keep your money separate and set your boundaries and be firm about it. Don't get sucked into the drama.

I had a similar situation, but not quite as bad My husband's alcoholic 35 year old son drove us into counseling and the recovering alcoholic counselor told him that he could not help his son by enabling (coaching) etc. out of his disease. Sojn would quit if and when he wanted to. That was 4 years ago and he (son) is still pounding the alcohol!
Your husband needs to run to the nearest Al-Anon meeting with you and go for at least 6 meetings! He needs to stop being co-dependent to these
sick people/relatives. Good luck!