Another reason why I'm glad we didn't marry!
This is a similar topic to what "Bella" recently posted about entitled adult skids. In her case, her DH wants to co-sign for a home purchase for his entitled 22 year old daughter and her boyfriend. The OP is pregnant with their first child and is concerned about their future, as this is a significant financial commitment when they have a baby on the way. Plus, her husband is older and should really be looking towards saving for retirement. Ironically, the 22 year old daughter is also talking about having a baby!
How timely. My SO's 25 year old (currently single) daughter is in the process of buying a house - a huge house - and much, much more than she can possible manage. This young woman has never had to lift a domestic finger in her life, and barely knows how to change a light bulb. Yet she's buying a very large 4b/3b house in a metropolitan area suburb on a huge lot with lots of lawn. Her contemporaries (other single girls her age) are buying condos in the downtown area, which is what most of them can afford on their salaries and which fits a young single person's lifestyle. Plus, those condos are bound to increase in value as the metro area is a "hot" market.
SD25's grandparents are evidently handing over a large amount of cash for this house purchase, enough that her salary will cover payments. She does make a good living at her profession. Thankfully, the situation really doesn't affect my SO. Not now, anyway. Who knows what will happen in the future.
I try to stay disengaged and not opine on this stuff, but I did comment that it seemed to be an awful lot of house for her to handle. He then said she mentioned her boyfriend (of six weeks!) will be doing the lawn work. He is 30 years old, has a minimum wage job and lives at home. No doubt that will change if/when she closes on this place. IMO, he's seeing a very lucrative future ahead of him as long as he hitches his wagon to hers. She also has "baby fever."
This kind of situation can turn sour very quickly. Even if a skid makes decent money, and gets handed over additional wads of cash, doesn't mean that they can't get involved with someone who will con them and pick them clean.
That's where I'm glad I'm not married to my SO. Because I know for a fact, just as others have experienced here on ST, that if his darling girl were ever ditched or broke, he would do ANYTHING to help her. Including opening up his accounts and getting her on her financial feet again.
I sure as hell would not put up with that if we were married. That's why it helps to keep the money separate.
This situation (and the other posting by Bella) illustrate why I think it can be dangerous to marry anyone who has kids. I see so many of the younger SM's on here saying they can't wait until the skids turn 18. Ha! That doesn't mean drama and financial drain ends there! Be forewarned ...
I agree with you on earning
I agree with you on earning your own way. It was the way I was raised and the way SO was raised. I worked for what I have and take pride in it. I know for a fact that if I lost everything tomorrow, I know how to pull myself up and do what I have to in order to survive.
If you read about wealthy families, there is a theory that says many times the wealth will be lost by the third generation. That's because for many (not all) they are raised with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouth. Even with good educations, the offspring don't know how, or eventually stop, supporting themselves and live off the family's earnings. That can only go on so long before it dries up. They are also vulnerable to con artists and people who will marry them only for their money.
I can easily see this happening to the skids. The BM has already been draining the resource pool as she's never worked full-time in her life. SS is doing the same. And it won't be long before SD sees no need to continue working, when all she has to do is open her palm and get what she wants.
It used to be called
It used to be called "shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in 3 generations". One generation had nothing (worked in shirtsleeves not suits) and provided well for the next generation who spoiled their spawn who ended up with no ambition or accomplishments - back to shirtsleeves.
A lot of that wisdom came
A lot of that wisdom came from people on this site. Over the years, it's certainly been enlightening to see what situations other people get sucked into and how they've dealt with it. I've certainly benefited from the wisdom others have learned the hard way - and I'm thankful for that!
My DH's 2nd wife (who he had
My DH's 2nd wife (who he had no children with) was truly a horrible mercenary person who destroyed DH financially because he trusted her. I know this not just from what DH told me but from looking at court records. She left him virtually penniless.
When we were talking about getting married DH was worried that his ex would somehow try to come after my assets. Fortunately the Attorney General is a close personal friend of mine and one of my many cousins is a judge so I had great legal advice that his ex could go suck eggs (or dicks) if she wanted to come after MY stuff.
I have 10times more money than the ex and her current DH (her ex husband who cheated on her) so I just want to throw a big raspberry in their faces.
Wow. I guess SD has never
Wow.
I guess SD has never heard of alimony, and how she will probably owe her deadbeat boyfriend alimony and CS if ever they have a baby/ies and their relationship goes t*ts up. And bye bye house, too, depending on divorce laws wherever she is.
What is it with people buying way too much house? Did nobody learn a lesson in the subprimes debacle? How is a non-handy person going to afford upkeep? Or will Granny pay for that too? Property taxes? I just see so many young people who are utterly clueless about what a decent living actually costs, having been spared the reality of "the making of the sausage".
I guess it all comes back to entitlement.
Yeah, I'm not marrying my SO until... his kids are thoroughly launched. Could be years, considering the 20 y o doesn't want to bother getting his driving license. Kids today don't want freedom, because they have enough of it at home already!
Love your name, "oyvey"!
Love your name, "oyvey"!
It is an exclamation that certainly fits this situation!
Entitlement is the name of the game. Not sure how the house will be titled but if it's in her name alone then she is definitely at risk as you've noted. Especially if she marries this guy and may have kids - which seems what she's aiming for. And yes, if she needs money for anything at all, the BM and grandparents will hand it over. And hand it over. And hand it over. Until there is no more left, I am sure.
IMO, she has been foolish to speak openly about the family wealth/business and how she "owns" a third of it - right in front of this guy who she's known for such a short time. He, a minimum wage earner who still lives at home, just happened to purchase an expensive new truck within the first couple of weeks of knowing her. Maybe it was a coincidence (something he had been saving awhile) ... maybe not.
I saw he has now posted a photo of a shiny new speedboat on his Facebook which he just got. The same day as the boat purchase/posting, he updated his status to "in a relationship" with SD! Again, maybe a coincidence, maybe not.
My SO is absolutely frozen when it comes to any criticism of the princess - even constructive criticism, "Eg. Dear daughter, I know boyfriend seems like a nice guy, but I think you should proceed with caution." He will not do it. His philosophy is that she's an adult now and she can do what she wants. Until she is in dire straits - then he's made it clear he will go bankrupt himself if it means bailing her out of a financial disaster.
OK, that's fine by me - it's his choice. But I'm an adult, too, and will never consider marrying someone or co-mingling funds with someone who has adopted that as his mindset. Never. And that's my choice.
The only thing I say is that parenting is a life-long endeavor and even adult children may need guidance. Doesn't mean they will follow it but as a parent you can still show your concerns and share your wisdom. He won't do it.