Advice on SS18
SS recently turned 18. He lives with HCBM out of state in a state that has been hit hard by Covid-19. He dropped out of high school before the schools shut down. He is not abiding by the laws to stay home so he's out running the streets all day and night. So BM, emailed DH last night and said she can't handle him anymore and want's DH to "take over".
DH has custody of thier younger son, SS16. He wanted to live with dad so we went to court for custody. We also have my special needs BD 18 full time. Both teens in our custody are juniors in HS so they have another year of school to go. SS18 is very close with HCBM in a very unhealthy way. He chose to continue to live with her full time.
I have a wonderful relationship with SS16 and up until Christmas I thought I had an ok relationship with SS18. I came to find out he was asking/pressuring my BD to try and find drugs (weed) for him and that he thinks I'm fake blah blah blah. He and DH also nearly came to blows due to SS18's terrible attitude that visit. He's also gone through our bedroom drawers etc. while we were out.
I do not want SS18 coming to live with us. The main reason is that he is not a good influence on the two other kids we are trying to raise and I don't trust him. DH doesn't want him to live with us either for the same reasons but I think he also feels bad for him, which I get. How do I stand firm in this? Am I wrong for the way I feel?
He is 18 and has dropped out
He is 18 and has dropped out of school. If he thinks he is adult enough that he doesn't need to finish school and can just run the streets, he can have it. BM can kick him out or whatever but he is not your problem.
I love these BM's who raise delinquents, then want to pass them off onto somebody else. No, thanks.
I agree. DH was asking for
I agree. DH was asking for custody for years and she refused and basically poisoned SS18 against us. Now she want's us to take care of him!
Agree. You should not have to
Agree. You should not have to "take custody" of an ADULT that decided to go down the wrong path. How nice... right after child support is no longer on the table.
Also, pass on the possibility of infecting you all.
SS is 18. There is no taking
SS is 18. There is no taking over responsibility for him. He is a legal adult.
Send BM the web link to the Job Corps and tell her to encourage him to apply.
Agree - there is no legal
Agree - there is no legal requirement for anyone to take charge of another legal adult. Time for SS18 to reap what he and BM have sown.
Job Corps is what we were
Job Corps is what we were hoping he'd do. He had a meeting with them but apparently he isn't doing what he was supposed to do to get his GED to then move forward with Job Corps. That's very telling. Moving him down here certainly isn't going to change anything.
In your situation, I'd be
In your situation, I'd be telling DH that if SS moved in, I'd be moving out. That's how strongly I'd feel about not having a PASed adult high school dropout who is too out of control for his mother to handle living in my home.
Has BM not heard that we are
Has BM not heard that we are currently experiencing a global pandemic and are supposed to be practicing social distancing? The state where I live has a Shelter In Place order in effect. This is not the time to be discussing changes in custody, much less taking in a germ spreading ADULT delinquent.
Draw a hard boundary with your H. Do Not let BM dump her failed parenting project on you, not now or ever.
Thank you all for confirming
Thank you all for confirming my own thoughts as valid. I appreciate your input.