19 Year Old Step Son
Good morning. I am new to the group and am hoping for some help. My 19 year old stepson has been treating me less than respectful for years. It has bothered me, but he is who he is. He is an unhappy person period, and his BM fuels the fire by always complaining about what she doesn't have, rather than being happy about what she does have. This has flowed down to my SS. So I try not to take any of it personally. I have gone out of my way to treat him as my own and try to always be available to him if he needs to talk or vent. He has lived with my husband and I since he was 14 and I have just tolerated the behavior because it was directed at me and his Mother was fueling that fire. But my daughter (31) has fallen on hard times with a newborn and my husband and I have taken her and our grandbaby in. Last night, Easter Sunday...my grandbaby's first Easter, my 19 year old step son would look at me, my daughter and the baby with such hate in his eyes if anyone spoke to us or gave us the time of day during a family dinner. I can take it. But when he directed those looks at my daughter and grand baby...I LOST IT. He has been acting like this ever since my daughter and grandbaby arrived. I just looked at him and said, "you just don't like them do you?".....He said NOTHING. My daughter was so uncomfortable that she retreated to her room with the baby....He has been hot and cold with me for years. Some days he loves me...some days, killing me would give him great pleasure! I do not want this behavior in this house. I would not tolerate my daughter treating her step siblings this way (although she never would), and I do not understand why my husband allows this narcissistic turd to behave this way. He says "he hasn't witnessed this behavior" so he cannot comment on it. My daughter and I have pretty tough skin; we are not paranoid. She sees how he looks at me when I am talking and I see how he looks at her and the baby. She sees it too. My daughter has never been anything but kind to this young man. I just don't know what to do. Again, he can do whatever he wants to me, but when he starts this hateful behavior with my daughter and innocent baby, I feel like I am going to lose it! Any tips?
Could your SS not feel
Could your SS not feel welcome in the house and resents the presence of an adult in her 30's living in the house with children? Is the baby crying a lot? Also, how long is your DD slated to be there?
My own bio son had quite an attitude when he was 19. He grew out of it as he moved forward into his future. Making the transition from child to adult is challenging and stressing. Not saying that is the case here....don't really have much info other than his bad attitude. The fact that some days he loves you tells me it might not be a step issue.......with step issues the skids NEVER love the SM. We are always the enemy.
Another question...is the SS being pushed to grow and become an adult and your DD was allowed to move in?
Great questions! Please let
Great questions! Please let me say, he is not a child...he is 19 years old. He will tell you he is HIS OWN MAN! And can do what he wants. The SS has been allowed to do pretty much whatever he wants as long as I can remember. I never got in the middle of the discipline with him when he was younger. My husband and I would talk about what we thought should be done, then IF there were any disciplinary actions my husband would handle it to keep me out of it. The kid has no responsibilities, never has so I am not sure why he would feel uncomfortable here. We moved to a larger house so that he would have his own space upstairs (media room, game room, his own room and bathroom). My daughter and the baby are downstairs in their own area of the house. We are blessed that our GB is so good. She rarely cries and when she does, she is soothed quickly between me, my daughter and husband.
The duration of my daughters stay is 4-6 months and it was discussed with the SS before she came. He is like Dr. Jeyklle and Mr. Hyde. Everything was fine when we explained the situation to him beforehand. He works all day and isn't home long at night. When he gets home, he is up very late, so if the baby wakes and cries because she is hungry, he isn't sleeping so I am not sure how he could be disturbed playing a video game at 2 in the morning. As I said, he is an unhappy person anyway and I think that rather than take responsibility for making himself happy, he tries to find reasons or excuses for why he is unhappy. Now, I assume it is my daughter and granddaughters presence. He wants to move out on his own and cannot afford it...but rather than go to college (which we offered to pay for) and getting a job that could allow him the ability to move out on his own, he is blaming the best friend he wants to move in with as being to irresponsible to handle his part of a rental situation. Everything is always someone else's fault. He is like Eeyore. It just makes tension in the house because I feel like I have to walk on eggshells....I don't want to take sides, but this behavior is plain rude and immature. My daughter is going through enough and doesn't need this childish behavior from a lil turd that doesn't understand life. He judges people too. He calls girls who have babies without being married, "trailer trash". His comments have not been made in my daughter's presence, but have been made in general around me as if he is trying to send a message that he "doesn't approve". I respect my husband, so tell myself never to come unglued on this kid...but it like a Momma Bear protecting her cub....Who the hell does this kid think he is??? He has been handed things to him on a platter, and appreciates nothing. Least of all anyone's feelings.
Oh geez. Unless he treat
Oh geez. Unless he treat women with extreme respect sexually and has NEVER engaged in unmarried activity that could lead to an unwed mother...he has absolutely no right to pull the "trailer trash" card. This kind of thinking from young men makes my blood boil.
ME TOO! He is so different
ME TOO! He is so different from his Father and his sister. His Mother wedged these things into his head. She is one of those Christian's that throws the bible at people for not following "the word" yet picks and chooses which parts of the bible apply to her. She has taught him to judge people if they are not like him....they both have a deserving attitude, they are egotistical and pompous. They are both lazy, do not want to work for what they want. They expect what they want to be given to them because they are breathing and think we should all be happy they exist. They both blame the world for their unhappiness. It is sad. Just sad.
My husband is not my
My husband is not my daughter's biological Father, nor did he adopt her. Their relationship is like a Father/Daughter relationship though; and as far as either of them are concerned when it comes to what role my husband plays with my granddaughter.....he is "Poppy". Period. Although I do appreciate and respect your opinion, it just isn't relevant to this situation.
Disengage is what I would LOVE to do, but wouldn't that mean ignoring his presence? That would be behaving as he does. AND disrespectful to my husband.
My daughter would live in a
My daughter would live in a box too if it was just her. Now she has a baby. Things happen and she fell on hard times. She does have an exit strategy which is why we are allowing her to get on her feet. There are rules and a time line. I understand you wouldn't be there for your children. But we choose to be. We all have our way of doing things and this is our way. But I appreciate the feedback.
My apologies for misreading
My apologies for misreading your response.
I agree that you can't force affection. I guess because neither I nor my daughter would ever behave in such a way to anyone, this behavior is hurtful and very hard to understand. I guess the problem isn't his when you put it that way. It's ours. Good point. Thanks for bringing in another thought to this whole mess. We should just be who we are and allow him to be who he is. We aren't the only people he treats this way. So we aren't special. Thanks again for your input.
The Father of my daughter's baby is still in touch with her and is paying her child support on a weekly basis. He isn't a bad guy. He is a hard working man but very old school and wasn't helping out with the baby at all. Just two different child rearing personalities that decided to split and work on themselves to decide if they can work it out. They are trying to work things out and it seems to be going very well. At this point, although the timeline for helping her is 4-6 months, things are looking up so much so that it may only be half that time.
Reading your blog brings back
Reading your blog brings back the same feelings I have had many times with my own step kids. It hurts when the step kids treat you with no respect. It hurts when the BIO kids are treated badly by the step kids. It hurts when the Husband denies all of it and doesn't support his Wife or her feelings
. I'm sorry for this going on in your own house. But I would tell that Step son to leave your house. Your house should be your place away from bad feelings.
My husband isn't taking
My husband isn't taking sides. That what is so great about him. He cannot comment on the actions of last night because he didn't witness it. I think that is fair. This isn't about my husband...he is wonderful. It is about a SS that is selfish and has no empathy, sympathy or care for anyone but himself. No one is kicking anyone out. I was looking for suggestions I may not have thought of to help the household. My husband and I would help any of our kids the same way we are helping our 31 daughter. That is what parents are for. My ask for suggestions was not to start a storm of arguments. My apologies to HRNYC for thinking you had to make it an argument. We are all entitled to our opinions.
You can cherry pick what
You can cherry pick what people have to say, but we might not all stay on course with the subject matter you dictate.
So because DH didn't witness the situation it didn't happen? Do you normally go around making up stories or is it normal that you tell your husband something and he doesn't believe you? Your husband is not wonderful if he allows his adult child to disrespect you.
Point taken....I appreciate
Point taken....I appreciate the honesty!
Thank you Rainman17...I
Thank you Rainman17...I appreciate your kind words. You are correct, this house should be a place away from bad feelings for myself, my husband and any child that steps foot here. I am just not certain how to make it that way without hurting feelings or damaging relationships. LOL! But, it doesn't seem as though there is a real relationship with this kid. He walks around with a grey cloud over his head. It is quite sad. But at 55 years old, and years of dealing with this behavior, I am tired. Just tired of the drama and the rudeness. Luckily, my husband and I have the ability to say anything we want about our children to each other and neither holds anything against the other. It is just what we/he chooses not to do about it. Like I said, my SS has always been this way and yeah...asking him to find his own place may be the best thing to do.
This was my OSD to a T. She
This was my OSD to a T. She is now 20 going on 21 and is out on her own, Thank Dog.
Walking on eggshells and little black raincloud anytime she was over...for YEARS...starting at about 13. You are right...it does wear THIN, and it makes you old and tired before your time!
This is EXACTLY what I/we try
BTW...this behavior from my SS has ALWAYS been this way. It has been targeted at me for years, which is fine. I can deal with it. The fact that he is now targeting my daughter and an innocent baby with his BS is where I am looking for help. I came to this forum looking for help/suggestions from others that may be going through, or have had similar experiences. My husband isn't the problem. He supports me, my daughter and my SS in any situation as long as he has knowledge of what's going on. He is fair and impartial and never takes sides.
You are so sweet!
You are so sweet! Thanks...how in the world did you know we were from the south???? LOL! AND I agree with you TOTALLY....I think I get more angry at myself for letting him ruin my day because that alters who I normally am and the lil shitzu is just not worth it. I just feel sorry for him that there is no ray of sunshine in his world, for whatever reason. Trying to help or show that we care isn't working. He takes it as if we are intruding or getting in his business. If we ask what it wrong it is always "Nothing"...but the m,oods continue to change like the weather.
"My 19 year old stepson has
"My 19 year old stepson has been treating me less than respectful for years. It has bothered me, but he is who he is."
And there in lies the problem. You have tolerated this crap for years and now it seems to be upsetting you? What happened to jerking a knot in his disrespectful little tail over the past years?
Time to immediately go to zero tolerance, put him against a wall (figuratively of course) and tell him to immediately cut the shit ... permanently... or GTFO of your home. If DH does anything but back you he can pack his shit and leave with the 19yo.
Grrrrrr!
You have upgraded from the
You have upgraded from the squirt bottle I see. }:)
Fear of being disrespectful
Fear of being disrespectful of my husband and of my SS is why I have tolerated it. I have only once fought back when the little turd was 15 and told me I had to leave my own house because his Mother was coming over to say goodbye to a family dog that we took responsibility for because she no longer wanted him. I told him my SS that he will never ask me to leave my own home again for his Mother or anyone else. I did it only because of the dying dog...never again. My hubby backed me 100%. He was out of town at the time or my leaving would have never happened.
My hubby is to the point of telling him to get out. Not because of my daughter and her baby.....My SS's behavior as I said has always been this way. That behavior started before my daughter arrived. It is an ongoing issue with his behavior.
BTW....YOU Rags are the exact type of person I wish I could be! THANKS for your comments. You put a HUGE smile on my face!
Yes it was and thank you.
Yes it was and thank you.
Yeah, I feel like the biggest idiot for stepping out of my own home. But, I kept thinking what a horrible person I would be if she didn't say good bye. Thing is...she didn't want the dog and gave him to us to care for when the kids decided they didn't want to live with her anymore. So, I think they were just trying to see how far they could push me with Dad out of the house.
I had a "dying dog incident"
I had a "dying dog incident" as well, last August. Winona SD18 had a sweet little dachshund for the past oh, well 16 years. They normally last up to about 12, so Coco had a really good run. The last 2 1/2 years of her life, I gradually took over the caretaking and would spend evenings holding her and loving her. Feeding, water, all of it. Winona would rarely spend time with her and only when asked would feed Coco, and never walked her at all. Winona is on a 50/50 schedule currently, but has no activities or boyfriends, so it was strange that her dog was that neglected.
Last July, we think she had a stroke or something. She ran away twice (I know I know, wtf?) and the first time, I posted on facebook and craigslist and she was found immediately at the shelter. And we were notified via social media. The second time I asked Winona if I needed to post another Craigslist add for her, as there was nothing at the local shelters or on social media - she just said "no that's ok, I got it." I saw nothing. A week went by, I printed fliers, and she went with her mother to staple them to telephone poles. Instead they ended up handing them out. But that's another story about how ungrateful Winona is.
Well, I was emailed via my OLD craigslist posting - a family around the corner from us were taking care of Coco. Their son is autistic and would walk her every day, she was bathed. Kept inside. Do you think Winona then started spending time with Coco? Well, you win a prize if you guessed "no not really". After this, Coco's health declined dramatically. One night we knew it was the end. We called over Winona, and of course BM and her boyfriend Tweedle wanted to say goodbye. I said "no!!!! Oh hell no!!!" It wasn't an issue as Coco passed before they could come over anyway.
Short version - oh no way should BM have been allowed in your sanctuary! But when it comes to our furry critter-kids its tough to be tough.
I am so sorry for your loss!
I am so sorry for your loss! You were a terrific, loving grandparent to lil Coco! She was lucky to have you. Did you ever think that Winona was the one that allowed Coco to escape when she didn't want you to post anything or make flyers?? What was curious is that my SS HATED this little pug. The lil thing was a family dog for 15 years. My SS BM told my husband that she was moving and couldn't take him into the new apartment knowing full well we would take any dog anytime if need be. Come to find out, she actually got a new PUPPY and didn't want the lil old pug whose health was failing and so were his abilities to make it outside in time. The lil puggy smelled pretty bad despite his spa days we would give him because the BM, before she decided she didn't want him anymore ...never took the pup to the vet. His teeth were shot and he was way to old for dental work so of course, his breathe was kicking...The puggy had a time seeing as well, and if the dog was in my SS way, or the pup barked because he knew something was there in his path but couldn't see it he would bark....The SS would say..."I HATE YOU..WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE"! Broke my heart! That is probably what my SS says about me when he passes me in the hall! LOL! Seriously, this kid has issues.
I never consider anything
I never consider anything anyone says on this forum cranky. That is what we are all here for. Others views so that we can figure out what to do to stay sane!
I am sorry you are stressed....listen to some music and dance it away!
I get what you are saying about BM. When my SS and SD decided they couldn't stand living with the BM anymore and wanted to live with us, we generously worked with a mediator for child support payments that based on her income and spending habits she should have been able to afford. That B---- the woman paid $5.00 a month for 4 years for two children knowing full well we would not go after her and cause drama for the kids. She told the kids we would be taking her child support and paying for my Mercedes so that was all she was going to pay. Little did she know that we were putting what she "should have paid" in an Scottrade account that we plan to split and hand over to my SS and SD when they are 25 DESPITE HER selfishness. Luckily, the older SD saw through her Mother's behavior and no longer engages in her beat down of my husband or myself because we have never said a harsh word about her BM and have always been there for her and positive with her. Unfortunately, the SS feeds off the drama and lives for it.
I am sending a stress relieving hug your way!
PWT, I spent far too much of
PWT,
I spent far too much of my life as a pleaser and tolerating bullies. Though I gained clarity fairly early regarding confronting bullies (in my mid teens) it took me a decade and a half or so longer to realize that it is a waste of time trying to change others and being accommodating doesn't work. We can only change ourselves and a big part of that is setting boundaries of the behaviors we will tolerate from others when they are interfacing with us.
I long ago gave up on the why regarding how people act, I only care about the what. If they behave reasonably I will engage with them reasonably. If they choose to behave unreasonably then all bets are off and I will purge them from my life or pummel them into submission (figuratively of course). Holding them accountable for their behavior is my preferred method of dealing with inappropriate behavior.
Take care of you. It really does make life easier. At least in my experience it does.
Thank you for sharing a piece
Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself. I appreciate it greatly. I guess I will just have to go with my gut and continue to treat others as I would like to be treated. Hopefully I can learn to let it roll off like water on a duck's back. I guess that is the only advice to give to my daughter as well. Being in this type of atmosphere is just not the way she was raised nor how she wants her daughter to be raised.
How you deal with this is of
How you deal with this is of course your choice. Just remember that doing the same things repeatedly while expecting a different result is the informal definition of insanity.
If you want this to change, try something different. Something else I have learned over the years is that people treat us the way we train them to treat us. If you don't like how they are treating you.... change how you are training them to treat you.
If I am anything I am pragmatic in how I look at my own blended family relationships.
Take care of you.
LMAO! That is exactly what
LMAO! That is exactly what my husband tells me!! You are the bestest! Have a terrific evening! I will try something new for a few days and let you know what happens. Not to be negative, but this kid; whom I feel has no empathy, sympathy or care in the world how others feel is not going to care one way or the other how I choose to treat him. Let's just see what plays out.
It sounds like your 19 yr old
It sounds like your 19 yr old ss feels like he's being replaced. He's resenting your daughter and her baby for encroaching on his turf. He's no longer crown prince of the home, he has to share *wah!* and he's expressing his displeasure w/the situation.
You mentioned that DD31 has a launch plan of 6 mos tops. What is ss19's plan? When is this young man going to grow up and leave the nest? Is there school or a job in his future?
Your comments are the same
Your comments are the same comments my daughter, my husband and I were just discussing! You could be absolutely right. Who would have thought that a emotionless creature such as my SS would be jealous. But it makes COMPLETE sense.
My SS is very intelligent and school BORES HIM. It is "beneath him" he says. Yes he really said that....so, he has decided he is not going to college even though we have offered to pay for it. He has worked retail jobs and has now moved to a entry position at a car dealership. He talks about moving out all the time, but blames the "irresponsibility" of his best friend as the reason he is still here. His "porter" position doesn't pay him enough to move out on his own. SO...as far as his future plans...walk around with a grey cloud over his head balming others because his dreams aren't coming true. That is all I know.
My SS was also not ready for
My SS was also not ready for college when he finished HS. However, it was not that he felt it was beneath him. He is incredibly sharp and intelligent and understood it was what he needed to do. He was very immature in many ways but mature enough and knew himself well enough to know that he was not ready to do the work and study and told his mom and I that "it would be a waste of (his) time, and (our) money". Thus began his short career as our live in beck and call boy/chore bitch. He scrubbed, cleaned, vacuumed, mopped, polished, washed, dried, folded, dusted, scrubbed, mowed, edged, weeded, mulched, scrapped, sanded, painted, sliced, diced, chopped, cut, cooked, plated, served, and repeated all of the above from his 18th birthday (he turned 18 3mos after HS graduation) until he reported to USAF Basic 8mos later.
Time for your SS to become the live in beck and call boy/chore bitch. He is an "adult" and no longer gets to stay in the home except at your convenience.
Work his ass right out the door.
It works. Try it. SS completed his first 6yr enlistment on 12-April and started his next 4 year USAF commitment on the 13th. Even to this day he shudders when his 8mos as our house boy is mentioned. He also does not hesitate to lend a hand when he is visiting either his mom and I or my parents. He cleared off the table after Easter dinner and staged all of the dirties for my dad and I to finish rinsing and getting the dishwasher before he drove off into the sunset back to base.
You are very lucky that your
You are very lucky that your SS wasn't so full of himself that he realized he needed to get the stick out of his ars and do something with himself. I am with ya! If he knew he wasn't ready.....he was smart enough to realize it and had enough respect for you and your hubby not to ask that funds be distributed for no reason. My SS first said he wanted to go to mechanic school. When my husband looked at the cost of this vocational school, he was floored. Knowing how the SS starts expensive hobbies and quits doing them after a month or so (that is another long story in itself), my hubby said he would give him X amount and the SS would have to pay the rest. We knew he wouldn't go, and figured if we challenged it with setting a limit, he would rethink it. We asked that he just take his basics through a community college and think about what he would like to do. He said it was "beneath him" and teachers are stupid. They bore him. He is an intelligent kid. He scored high on his SAT's so he could quite possibly breeze right through college. He just refuses to do it. He is arrogant, full of himself and I personally believe he is a narcissist. I have done some research on narcissistic behavior...I was also married to a narcissist years ago so I am pretty confident this little TURD fits the bill.
He had enough respect for me
He had enough respect for me and my wife. I am the hubby.
More importantly he had enough respect for himself.
As for motivating this kid to launch.... a life of abject misery and hunger will motivate just about anyone to step up. Cut him off, put him on the curb to starve or figure it out.
SA, Yes, time sure does fly.
SA,
Yes, time sure does fly. Human life is proof of Einstein's theory of relativity. Time is far from constant. The less you have left.... the faster it goes. the first 25+ years of my life passed in a blink.. the second 25+ years passed in a Pico second or less. I am sure the third 25+ will go even faster.
I remember SS-stb25 when he was a tow headed toddler chasing ducks with me around a golf course. It was yesterday. Seriously... it really was like yesterday.
My ss31 was jealous and pouty
My ss31 was jealous and pouty when my teenage sons moved in with DH and I. ss31 didn't even live here anymore but resented my children who were now living in HIS house with HIS father. You'd think a grown man would have better things to worry about, like his OWN life but I guess not.
Good morning. Well, my SS
Good morning.
Well, my SS has never raised a finger in this household and was never made to. When they (SS and SD) first moved in with us, we had just moved into a rental while looking for a home to purchase so our new additions would be more comfortable. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor and he just came in the kitchen, walked all over the wet floor making himself cereal and just f'ing stood there....looking at me like "say something.....I dare you". I was in complete awww at this behavior. I couldn't and didn't say a word. He was 13 then and has behaved exactly the same way ever since.
He also takes food purchased by my husband and I that he likes and wants no one else to have and hides it in his room!!! If we are out of milk, he slams the frig and says "we are out of milk!" I got so mad one night, I said then go to the store and get some if you want it. DAGGERS FLEW OUT OF HIS EYES! If he wants something special from the store, he asks us to get it. He never contributes to this household one bit. I cut the yard, my husband trims it. If he is asked to help out with the yard, he wants to be paid. He does do his own laundry, but that is because I stopped doing it.
I could go on for days. He is lazy and will never amount to anything. You are lucky!
Nothing that a lock on the
Nothing that a lock on the fridge and a lock on the pantry won't fix.
If he is over 18 cut off his access to food. He will launch.
My son lived with us going to
My son lived with us going to college at 19 and 20 and his life was similar to how you describe. He sometimes moaned and whined about it. Now he is 23 and he thanks me for the expectations he had and the tough love he sometimes got. He is just now getting to the point that he has standards in what his apartment looks like. Having a cute girlfriend straightened that one up. I visited once and his bathroom was spotless. His girlfriend made him clean it before I got there. Really like that girl.
OK so, I know I said my hubby
:jawdrop: OK so, I know I said my hubby was amazing...and I am trying to work this one out in my head....I just would have never thought I would see anything like this happen! BUT I just caught him checking out my daughters ars! Could I be seeing things here? Please.....tell me I am wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!
...so... men look. Some more
...so... men look. Some more discreetly than others. They may not be even thinking anything consciously but their eyes just get drawn. It's like a weird biological thing. I mean we're programmed to procreate.
OK that was what I was
OK that was what I was thinking in my mind. I used to see him do that from time to time when we first got married. But my daughter??? OK, I will let this one go. Shocking! HE must have seen the look on my face and realized what just happened because he had a deer in the headlight look...like YIKES!!!!!!
hahahaha you are probably
hahahaha you are probably over reacting.......
I caught SO looking at his sisters ass, his own daughters ass, her friends.. every woman walking by SO looks at her ass..... Once when he was looking at his own daughter's ass he turned to me and said - when did she got a fat ass like that, meaning hips - I laughed and said probably the day she left being 7 and turned 17..... now he compares all 17 year old girls.... oh and the man does comment...
When he looked at his sister's ass he asked me... I know I can not compare Aergia to you, cause you already have a child, but my sister also has one child, why is her ass bigger and more square.... I said cause she looks like your mother... then he checked his mother out..
I think men are not checking out an ass to have sex with the woman, it's more like curiosity cause to be honest, they all have the same sort of bum...
Good point. I am sure I am
Good point. I am sure I am over reacting. He might check my bum out too and I just don't know it because he rarely comments on how I look. He would never admit to looking at another woman. He has always denied it. It wouldn't make me so angry if he didn't lie about it. I look at women all the time. It is natural for a woman to look at other women and compare themselves. To me it's a motivator. I will see him looking, and make comment about the woman (positive comment) and he gets angry and says he wasn't looking. It's like, really dude? Your creepy obvious trying to act like you aren't looking. I have friends whose husbands are like yours. Open and honest. I think it makes a relationship stronger. Not sure why my hubby thinks if he owns up to his "wondering eye" it makes him less than perfect. To me, if you can't be open and honest about it....you're hiding something.
oh I taught SO to be open
oh I taught SO to be open about it lol....
I simply looked openly at other guys asses and I would say - wow that guy has a nice ass for his age..... only then did I start commenting on other woman and so did he... after he would tell me no way that guy's ass is flat or what ever lol
HA! Nice! Well then...I
HA! Nice! Well then...I will try that! Thanks for the tip!
not2sure....it better not
not2sure....it better not happen again or I am coming up there for classes so I can "martial arts" him BIG TIME!
The bottom line is that you
The bottom line is that you and your husband own this house, and you two set rules and should not allow someone who is an adult to live there if the person is in any way rude, disrespectful, or not contributing to the household.
Set boundaries, make respect the central platform upon which all things hinge, and outline to this grown boy what is offensive about his behavior towards you. Get confrontational in a well-meaning way, by asking him how he feels about this living situation. If he says it is all good, and then he continues to create a hostile, tense atmosphere, call him on it. If he gives a dirty look, ask why he just did that. If he says something rude and disparaging, ask him what makes him say that.
Meanwhile, develop an exit strategy for him. You have one for your daughter, have one for him.
Your husband needs to acknowledge that you and he are the primary relationship here and no one would be allowed to fragment your otherwise happy home.
^^^THIS!!!^^^ "Nobody should
^^^THIS!!!^^^ "Nobody should have to feel uncomfortable in their own home, ever." For years I was accused of making SD uncomfortable when she visited. The truth was, SD was trying to make me uncomfortable in my own home and everywhere else with her obnoxious blow fish, rolling eyes and sarcastic comments. Now, if she tried it, I would strive to make her VERY uncomfortable in my home.
OP's SS needs boundaries and consequences for hostile behavior. His actions speak louder than words. We used to call SS's behavior, "Giving someone a dirty look." It should be addressed and dealt with.
It is so amusing as well as
It is so amusing as well as pathetic...many of these enmeshed daddees cannot SEE what is clearly obvious(even right in your face), to everybody else... I wish I had a pair of SM blinders to make the insanity more reasonable, lol.
Are they this blind or simply pretending? I would love to know the answer.
I don't think our DH's see
I don't think our DH's see things as clearly as we do, but I don't think they are entirely blind either.
Men are generally more productivity based than women. When we are unhappy with skid behavior, daddies don't want to hear it because they likely feel guilty about the crap job they did as a father. They had a job to do, and it didn't work out so well.