I'd document EVERYTHING. Ask your attorney what you can record: can you record the kids saying things by placing a small recorder somewhere where they won't notice it? Can you record your conversations (in person and on the phone) with BM? Can you take photos of the kids in the dirty condition that BM sends them over in? Next time something like the dreadlocked food happens, take pictures. Save all emails to and from her. Call CPS on her and document that. Have your documentation ready to hand over to CPS. Then take her to court. I feel so bad for these poor kids.

Document, take pics and the minute you do get them in that state, bring them to a doctor to have them examine thoroughly. Get a record from him. Your dh needs to prove she is unfit. Also i would bring the kids to a family psychologist and get them to look at them , document it and bring everything to court.
Take pics of the torn clothes...i did.....she of course started to change her ways and brought them in clean clothes...lol..
But seriously this bm sounds very neglectful...no bathing and they stink!??? i'm sure a doctor will not that in file and criminal charges will be pressed against bm.

We're going through a custody battle right now (next court hearing is in Jan)

I agree with all previous post's- document EVERYTHING and talk to a lawyer!

My stepson's mother went to prison in May (my husband got custody), she was released in September and has been fighting us since to regain custody. Just know that, for some reason, the courts love the Mommy's!! I couldn't believe that they'd even ALLOW her to fight us.

So what we're doing, and what we've done, is document everything...each time she doesn't have a car seat in the car, each time she lets him play with air soft guns, each time he reminds us that Mommy doesn't make him brush his teeth or wear a helmet. Also, if your finances allow, get a psych. evaluation on everyone (you both, the kids, her...), and get an evaluation of both your home and hers.

Good Luck...it will be a long, hard fight

Documentation and speak to an attorney...as all the above mentioned.

Does he live or work in close proximity to the children's school? This is a factor in custody cases. Regardless of neglect DH needs to file a petition for custody change ASAP. The longer he waits the likelihood of him winning goes down. To the court it will appear that he's been capable of having them more but hasn't done anything about it. Throw the neglect concern in and it could appear that he's allowed it because he wouldn't have waited so long or it's not a real concern. His competency would be tarnished. Good news is even if he can't prove neglect he should be able to get them more because he's more accessible in the evenings (and mornings drives to school) but you must file a petition soon.

If he hasn't already he should start asking BM if he could have more time because of his schedule and see what she says. She might oblige. If she doesn't then document and tell the court. They like to see an attempt of working things out before filing.

Good luck

It is very hard to change custody once the primary custodian has been established. It takes abuse or gross negligence to change custody. It doesn't seem to me that you have enough to prove that custody should be changed to dad. What you have to do is weigh out the financial impact on your household to try to get custody when the odds are pretty much stacked against you. As much as everyone says the laws are changing and they view the dad as a viable parent, it hasn't gotten there yet and depending on the age of the children, it might be a lost cause for you.

It is very costly to wage war in a custody battle. It could wind up costing you upwards of $40,000.00 and depending on who earns more, your husband may be on the hook to pay some of her attorney's fees if not all.

Really think about it. Is it worth the financial burden and the emotional toll it will take on your relationship?