Child support in between court cases
Hello, my DH is taking his ex back to court in a few weeks. The original court agreement shows that he had about 40% in parenting time and ex about 60%. My DH pays a crap ton of child support and we have been 50/50 on a verbal agreement for about 7 months now. We want to make the 50/50 solidified in court and change the child support. Now that the circumstances have changed, it appears that his ex would owe him money, wspecially with a 50/50 agreement. Our lawyer said that this upcoming date will most likely not render an agreement and we will probably have to go back in a few months. We’d like to see if we can suspend child support during these waiting months since we’ve been 50/50. Has anyone heard of this or had any experience with that?
Will the children stop eating
Will the children stop eating between court cases?
It's only a couple of months .... heat, lights, schooling, healthcare. FFS, I hope you are merely having a brain-fart.
Well, BM gets paid twice as
Well, BM gets paid twice as much as DH and she has child care accredited to her for $1,000 a month that the kids haven’t been in in 4 years.Now that we’re 50:50 And she makes more, doesn’t it make sense to NOT have to pay this? Also, she claims both kids on takes and gets 600+ a month from DH when she makes twice as much as he does. Come on...
Also, the children eat at our
Also, the children eat at our house too ya know?! They aren’t babies with daycare anymore. We pay 50% of healthcare and she pays very little because she works for the state and claims them on taxes.
If DH needs to apply for a
If DH needs to apply for a "hardship waiver" to defer child support due to job changes, injury, or incarceration, it should be easy to do online without a lawyer.
Feeding children: I know, it's freakin' annoying. Can you imagine them living with you full custody? Every day every month, every holiday, every vacation? You make me laugh when I'm certain that you do not intend to do so --- perhaps you did not realize that these bipeds would require feeding/healthcare/schooling/tutoring/coaching/nurturing and that they may never launch. (Failure to launch is my personal fear.)
****THIS WAS SUPOSED TO LAND
****THIS WAS SUPOSED TO LAND UNDER INDIGO's post about if dad doesn't pay cs the kids may not eat***EYEBALL ROLL KEY...
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OH so indigo, BM is 100percent dependent on DH to provide for the kids?
Wow, she is supposed to provide too.
Guess she should allow dad to have them full time and she can have eow and summer. It would help cut down her expenses a lot.
I am sure this dad would LOVE to have his kids more than Bm allows him to.
My DH would love to have them
My DH would love to have them more. He’s a great father. I’ve seen many people complain sbout DH having kids (and I do have my issues from time to time) but I saw what a good daddy he was and that’s one reason I knew he would be a good mate because he’s such a good dad, I knew he had room in his heart to love (our future kids) and would be a pro already. My DH has tried to get more time for years and just made progress 7 months ago when he took her to mediation, she did not agree to what he wanted in mediation (of course) because then it would become legally binding, but just a few days after she emailed saying she would agree to 50/50 time. So, that’s where we’re at, and of course, there are many variables: the kids no longer in daycare, she got a better paying job, kids are in school, and now parenting time is different and exactly 50:50.I hope it’s enough to at least get CS lowered, but our CS WS amounts to her owing DH SOO, we’ll see.
Both parents support the
Both parents support the child.
I must have misunderstood OP's post --- I thought that she was positing that 1/2 of the bioparents stop paying child support until the action wended its way through the court system. So, off-the-cuff reading of this blog, what I read was 'CS is unequal/ready for change, so why can't bioparent stop paying anything until the court decides what's fair?'
I'm not aware of any state here in the USA that does not assume that BOTH parents support the minor child. Our state calculator is online & easy to use. Even STM on food stamps are expected to support their children. My SD-32 --- while she was in jail --- was supposed to support her 3 children. Kids still need food/roof/pull-ups & dental care no matter what shenanigans the adults pull.
Perhaps, again, I'm misunderstanding things and you're calling me out on something else. I'll PM.
Indigo, that is what I’m
Indigo, that is what I’m saying. When the court agreement was established the kids were 11months old and 23 months old. They are now 7 and 8. BM claimed on the original CO that she pays 1,000 in daycare cost and they haven’t been in daycare for nearly 4 years. My DH had about 35% and BM had 65% (or so). BM would break the CO and allow the kids to stay at others houses overnight when she worked even though their CO says that the other parent should be offered that time if it’s more than 4 hours. So, her having them overnight was huge in the amount of hours she received, but they weren’t even with her AND she wouldn’t let my DH pick them up. She got a better paying job about 3 years ago and has been making more than my DH since that time. My DH pays 50% of medical bills, she does carry them in her insurance, but she also claims them on taxes. So finally, they agreed to 50:50 and it’s been 7 months (which, may not be DECADES) but is still s significant amount of time to decide that an arrangement is in order and if they are at half time, AND she is making more money AND she claims them on taxes, then there is no reason my DH should have to pay 600+ for both kids when he has them half time. We’re going to court, but she may not agree to the terms, so my question was if anyone has heard of suspending CS until they come to an agreement (she can delay simply because she wants to keep receiving the money). I personally don’t feel we should have to pay $3,000+ Waiting JUST because she doesn’t agree to the terms. She’s self sufficient and makes a good annual income. We have the kids half time and pay our portion. There’s no reason (IMO) why he’d have to pay his share AND pay here too. So, the court may think differently, which is fine if so-but I was just wondering if anyone has heard of suspending it between cases GIVEN that the CP is totally able to provide her share.
Indigo, I totally understand
Indigo, I totally understand your point and I agree too that both bio parents should be responsible to raise their child.. equally.
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My personal opinion is IF a custodial parent is unable to pay their rent, mortgage and light bills AND put food on the table without child support payments, There is something very wrong with the custodial parent. Shop at darn ALDI like I did. Its amazing how one can turn a cheap meal and make believe it is gourmet.
I was a divorced mom and I worked my rear off with a FULL time job. Paid my rent, my light bill, car insurance, school supplies, school lunches, clothing, pictures ect and put food on the table ALL BY MYSELF...no support. We decided on 50 50 equal custody. Our kids deserved both of us. AND it helped relieve the $$ stress on both of us.
TIMES were very hard but some of the best days of my life.
They are raising them
They are raising them equally-that’s the point. Except DH pays way more for the kids than BM does. So time is equal-money is not. We still provide everything a child needs for our home:clothes, school uniforms, food, sports equipment, presents, medicine, medical portion, school supplies, mortgage, activities, vacations etc. etc. PLUS pay $650.00 a month. Sooo, I do not see where in the equation you guys see DH as NOT providing his portion.
" We want to make the 50/50
" We want to make the 50/50 solidified in court and change the child support. Now that the circumstances have changed, it appears that his ex would owe him money, especially with a 50/50 agreement."
Why would a 10% change in time mean BM owes Dad money? A verbal 'agreement' between parents seven months ago does not erase the current CO on file. Dad owes current CS until a new CS/custody order would be awarded potentially changing the amount.
The court certainly would not make BM pay back any CS received for the last seven months nor the future few months. And when or if a judge rules in Dad's favor for 50/50 there is no guarantee there would not still be CS ordered.
You've been talking to a lawyer, So what did he/she tell you when you asked him or her about possibly suspending CS for a few months?
A judge would be acting reckless to even entertain the idea of CS suspension pending a conclusion to your DH's hope of being awarded more custody legally (through the court and properly filed)... and even then CS after such a change in time spilt still very much hinges on the CS calculation guidelines and laws of your state.
Because she makes more than
Because she makes more than he does now, I guess I rounded up a bit, it was more like 35/65 if I were being more accurate. According to the child support calculator she owed DH money. My DH hasn’t taken her back in 5 years because he doesn’t want to deal with her, but a lot has changed. And why wouldn’t they make it legal? It’s been 7 months that she and he have verbally agreed upon. Just wondering if you have seen them not award custody when a plan was informally in place.
The lawyer said it didn’t
The lawyer said it didn’t hurt to ask, but no solid answers. Which is fine, I was just wondering if anyone has heard of such a thing.
Also, if - as one of the OP's
Also, if - as one of the OP's comments mentioned above - she's getting a child care credit even though she's no longer paying for child care, then her obligation would go up. Many states allow whoever is paying child support to request a refund / rebate (not sure what the legal term for this), from the parent receiving the support payment, if the expected child care expenses are actually not incurred.
You never know until you ask.
You never know until you ask. True.
It sounds as if DH gets 10 1/2 days per month with his children. Kinda pitiful when you think of the 24/7 parents out there -- single or partnered. (Courts can reduce it to the hours spent in the bioparent's presence not other family, so be careful.)
There may be some float days or illness days or 'just because' days or holidays or birthdays or family reunions or 'I have a conference,' or 'I have a new special friend and we want to go to Vegas' days. This style of give/take of visitation is rather normal in many families. Over a few years, this style of ebb-and-flow visitation seems to even out --- which does not make it agreeable for you. Bio parents are weird about their kids.
My advice is to never cut-off child support for any reason until you have papers in hand from the court authorizing it. Don't trust DH's version of truth, or your DH's attorney's version. Your imperative stance regarding the unfairness of your SO's treatment by BM and the outrageous amount DH pays to his former obligations & the subsequent saber-rattling ... is completely normal.
Think of biology and resource units. There are only "X" number of resources available and prior children are sucking those resources away. Lions when they take over a new pride, kill the cubs from the previous leader. Mother Nature ensuring DNA continuation. ACK. Welcome to STepTalk.
Over-payment of CS outside of the amount specified by court orders has ALWAYS been seen as a gift in my experience. Null. Void. No impact on taxes. No paying it forward or backward. However, a written agreement of a change of "overnights, health insurance and custody," signed by both parents would likely sit well with the judge. It better be clear so that even folks unfamiliar with DH understands what he proposes.
Dial back a bit on the normal indignation in defense of SO's vulnerability. Hate to say that a 7 months change of visitation, over the decades spent raising a kidlet, is a pimple on the ass of step-parenting.
Well of course we’re not
Well of course we’re not going to stop paying CS unless a judge gives the order. My DH has OVERPAYED according to the court paperwork that reviews back child support. I do not expect anything back, it’s a wash. And I say I because my income helps pay for CS while my DH is in school. Even still, before I came around he made sure it was paid. And it may “sound as if” my DH gets only gets 10.5 days, but he doesn’t-and that’s the point. We had to fight with BM through lies just to get half time and my DH was battling with that for over 3 years. And if anyone needs to be careful it’s BM, she bends the court agreement to fit her needs to the point of lying about what’s true. My DH is a pretty honest guy and tries to do what’s right while she lets the kids spend the night at peoples houses while she works and totally disregards the court agreement to give my DH the opportunity to have them. And in regards to your comment about feeding them, well 600$ more a month would be a damn good start to feeding them wouldn’t ya say?! Not sure why you’re so defensive for BM, it doesn’t take a genius to conclude that BM makes more, claims BOTH kids on taxes, and they’ve been 50/50 recently, and that’s no fault for lack of trying on my DH part. My DH would try to get more time wit them and she’d lie and say she was with them while they spent time in other people’s company. Anyways, I digress-there is no hardship, there’s just changes in jobs and parenting time. Also, they are not decades old so...
In all fairness to
In all fairness to Just1question and knowing what visitation looks like to a non custodial,,lets face it:
The custodial parents of school aged kids are NOT heating or lighting the house for the majority of the day for the kids 10months out of the year. Since the kids are at school from 8am until around 3pm, our taxes are paying for it certainly not custodial parent all by herself. Non custodial should have a huge credit since the kids are not under anyones care put teachers.
EOW the kids are with non custodial and that also means during all holidays and summer time FULL TIME. Except for Christmas Eve and Christmas Mornings when ONLY moms can have them. So during the heat of summer all day long non custodial must provide AC, FOOD, LIGHTS and extra water for double the showers for on average 85 to 90 days non-stop. And add daycare or camp for them while custodial has no bills for the kids AND gets paid full child support amount to boot.
Just1question you may end up with a credit AFTER the decision is made by a Judge lowering the new monthly support amount IF there is one. UNTIL the credit amount is used up.
Look at this Indigo...geeze that was not nice what you wrote to OP.
Child support calculations are WAY TOO HIGH...here is a highly respected Economist who will set this record straight. In some circles of course he is an idiot, right??????
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=196XCAXfqrI
Yes, what you say is true.
Yes, what you say is true. The kids aren’t at home during the day now that they’re in school, and when BM works nights she has other people keep the kids at their house (my DH has asked several times to keep them when she works if her friends are just going to keep them anyways but she refused). Logistically it just doesn’t add up to pay her so much, or to continue paying here at all, really. Court can’t come soon enough, that’s all I gotta say. But-with that in mind, the judge may not even change anything, who knows?? I’m just wishful thinking.
Smart idea to offer the
Smart idea to offer the children a more stabilized 50 50 custody. Kids deserve to have both parents equal in their lives.
Hopefully your dh has a Judge that believes in equality. AND the law protecting the most guarded rights which are the rights to parent and raise your child, NOT just one parent but both parents who are fit.
Please keep us posted.
For sure! And the kids
For sure! And the kids lovveee their daddy. They love their mom too, but are always a little extra clingy when it’s the day to go back. They are really sweet kids 50:50 is definitely ideal for their age and situation.. Anyhow, I’ll update after court.
Though there may be a change
Though there may be a change in CS once the court makes a ruling .... it is highly unlikely that CS will be suspended during any waiting period.
DH needs to keep paying as ordered until any change goes into effect.