BM is being coniving and under-handed (as usual)
BM told my fiance last night that SS4 is having problems at daycare and doesn't enjoy going so she is considering pulling him out as early as the end of this week. She didn't elaborate on what type of problems he is having or anything (he probably had a bad day or was put in time out for doing something he shouldn't do and he was "mad at daycare"). She wants to let her sister take care of him during the day and pay her the same amount that she pays daycare for the entire month -- $800 -- so that CS will not change.
Basically, what it boils down to is BM doesn't want to drive the extra few minutes to take SS4 to the daycare he has been going to for the past 2 years (that she argued "tooth and nail" with my fiance that SS4 just HAD to go to). And she's preggo with her newest victim's (errr, I mean new husband's) baby and is complaining that money is tight. She has SS4 for 9 nights (Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon) and we have him for 5 nights (Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat). We live 2hrs apart and he is in a different daycare here for the time we have him.
BM's sister will not hold a job. She supposedly went to school to be a nurse and finished, but never took her state tests. She has 2 children and the 3 of them used to live with BM. She would lock herself in the bathroom or take sleeping pills to avoid dealing with her kids. She's had some mental health issues before, but BM says she is doing better now and she is wanting to help her out.
BM was told by CSE that all she had to do was draw up a letter stating who will watch the child and how much they will be paid and that it must be signed by both parents. She said she got her sister to agree to $700/month.
My fiance doesn't want this woman to watch his son. He has concerns for his safety with her and definitely doesn't think she needs to be paid $700/month to go to BM's house, eat her food, watch tv, etc. (basically, sit on her a$$ and do nothing all day) because she doesn't want to get a job.
Also, he called SS4's daycare and they were shocked that BM thought he was having problems because he is thriving there. They are going to talk to BM when she picks him up to find out what problems he is having. (She's gonna be upset that he called.)
We were talking last night (my fiance and I) and the only thing we can come up with is that she isn't going to pay her sister that much and is going to pocket the remainder of the child support to help her and her husband pay for this new baby. Even his lawyer said that sounds like what she is wanting to do (before my fiance even voiced his opinion of it).
What can he do to prevent this from happening? We are in NC, and the CSE system here doesn't seem to care about the father in any situation. We are completely lost. :?
You are going to have to go
You are going to have to go back to court...
Unfortunately, they don't
Unfortunately, they don't have a CO filed in court or anything. They have been able to work that out themselves. They had agreed on child support themselves and everything was fine for a month or two. Then BM went behind his back and filed the CS order. So there isn't anything that says "agreed upon licensed childcare."
I'm afraid we are going to end up in court over this.
She wanted that particular daycare because at the time, my fiance was living a few miles from it and he could pick SS4 up easily and she didn't have to be bothered.
I agree that he needs the social interaction with other children. That is why he doesn't stay home with me when he is here. That and I have doctor appointments each week that can take hours, and he was in the daycare here before I arrived. He likes it there and enjoys the time he gets to play with the other children. And he learns things because he's considered in the preschool class. He has no complaints/problems here. He's always happy when we pick him up at his other daycare.
If a mediator or anyone were to ask BM about how SS does at daycare, she's going to say whatever will get her way.
I belive that she would be pocketing a big amount of CS and wouldn't pay her sister anything close to what she claims.
Go to court. Similar thing
Go to court. Similar thing happen to us. BM insisted SD go to a very expensive all day child care center when DH and her split. Then the CO was established. After that she promptly removed her from the center and moved about 2 hours away. She told DH that she was still in daycare and DH of course took her word for it. However, DH and BM split week on week off with SD - so when DH had SD he had to find his own daycare (which thank goodness his SIL was a SAHM and agreed to do so for him), yet he paid the CO daycare expenses for the full time daycare (that per the court order would have also covered HIS weeks with SD, had she remained living in the same town).
Then I came in the picture and said this is wrong. We investigated a bit to find that BM did not have SD in daycare, but was using her other DD18(at the time), who is SD half-sib along with her BF to watch SD while she worked. DH confronted her and she said she was planning to get her into daycare, just was taking time to find something (like 5 months) then she said she had something lined up. DH said he wanted to drive the ENTIRE way to pick up SD from the place. BM said he couldn't that week, but could next time (think she didn't realize she could like on this one and had to find something) so the next time he picked her up at the facility. Then a month later SD told us she no longer went there, stayed home with Half-sib again (summer then).
DH talked to BM again about it and she said once school started she would have something lined up again. Once school was lined up he talked to her about it and she had arranged a home daycare after school. DH insisted again on driving the two hours to get her to meet the daycare. Asked when SD would be there, BM said she got done with school at 3:30 and SD got off the bus there around 4 - BM was done at work at 4:30 (so can you imagine how much she paid this women a week????). And yes, DH paid the full CO daycare amount this WHOLE time threw this whole mess!!!
I pointed out the DH that the daycare he was paying MORE than covered the WHOLE amount and then some. That there is no way that the FULL time daycare center was equivalent in price to a home daycare that SD went to for 30-45 minutes 5x a week.
He asked BM to reduce the amount of his child care portion of CS and she refused. So we had to petition the court. When we got in and explained this whole mess and abuse of the system by BM the judge was pretty ticked and demanded that the CS end (the WHOLE amount) that month. Thing is by the time we got to court, BM had removed her from the home daycare and was once again leaving her with half-sib and couldn't provide documentation of childcare - what she did have was a few months of expenses over the past YEARS. The judge even pointed out to her that the money was specifically for child care costs and what DH had paid over the years covered the entire amount and more of the document charges she provided and that she had abused this.
Did she have to pay him any of it back. Nope!
The only silver lining of this was that it was ordered to stop that month and Dh had already paid for the month. So the next month he had to pay less money because of the deduction AND the took what he was ordered to pay in the basic CS and REFUNDED HIM!!!! So BM had to take a MAJOR hit that month!!!!
Point of it all - go to court and get it established what is considered child care, if it has to be agreed by both parties, the amount, can family do it, and how do you prove expenses (because BM could write a check out and then sister could just give her the money back).
Oh it absolutely sounds like
Oh it absolutely sounds like BM is going to pocket the extra money. That was my first thought before you even said it.
Sounds like BM is planning on
Sounds like BM is planning on pocketing money. Is your fiance paying her $700.00 a month for this daycare in addition to CS?